“Hi my name is Pete and I have addictions.”
I am a smoker, coffee and alcohol drinker. Out of all of them smoking is defiantly the addiction. How did I get this way? Like all Americans I was taught two things from our culture; one, immediate reward compared to long term is easier and acceptable. Two, if you don’t like the way to feel, consume something to make you feel different. Of the two, I think the latter is more pervasive and subtle in our society, so I am going to delve into that and save the first for another day.
My ex-wife laughed one day because she overheard me talking to our infant son. He had been crying and as I gave him a bottle I said, “here, at least this will make you feel different.” Okay, I had read it somewhere in a book and applied it to my baby. But that is what we do here in our culture, we find ways to avoid unpleasantness by basically changing the subject. We assume that it will make us feel better or even happy but really all we do is assert another sense to make us feel different. I feel rejected and hurt; so I eat some ice cream now I feel full. I feel like a failure in my marriage; so I have sex with someone at a bar now I feel desirable. I feel like a looser; so I do a line of coke and now I feel like a winner. Think about why some people buy excessive shoes, outfits, boats, etc. This all stems from when we were little and we were asked, “Do you want a cookie? It will make you feel better.” It does not make us feel better, because it has not solved what is making us feel bad. If this is the only defense mechanism we know as adults what else can we possible teach our children?
Unfortunately Liz you plea will not produce the effect that you desire. Instead of waking them up, they will feel guilty and ashamed. Those feelings are very unpleasant and they have only one defense mechanism to cope…-Pete
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