About a year and half later, when I was sixteen, Patricia came into our lives.  She also brought two lovely women with her (Lizzy 18 and Katie 17).  Poor papa!!!  Five women in his home!  We all know he couldn’t have been happier though!  I was a little unsure of what to think of Patricia at first.  She was different from any woman that I had ever met.  She was/is a very strong and opinionated person.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I didn’t like it.  I just wasn’t used to it!  I became used to it very quickly though!  Lizzy, Katie, Jessica and I were going to have to get to know each other as “sisters”.  The word “step” is not allowed in our family.  Four teenage girls trying to get to know each other is not an easy task.  Liz and Katie were protective of Patricia and Jessica and I were protective of our papa.  We have had our rough patches, but those patches brought us closer together and we laugh about them now. 

The fall of that same year I met my husband, Justin.  We are high school sweethearts.  I actually hate that term, not sure why.  I was nervous for my father to meet him.  If you saw my father you would understand why.  His appearance is that of a tattooed, long hair, bearded biker, but he is the gentlest, kindest man you will ever meet (unless you hurt one of his daughters!).  I brought Justin home with me and he walked right up to him and shook his hand.  I could tell dad was really impressed and that was extremely important to me because I am a daddy’s girl.  If dad would have said “no I don’t like him”, I would have kicked him to the curb immediately!  So things worked out!  We stayed together all through high school and eventually it was time for me to venture off to college.  I didn’t want to go far away from home because I didn’t want to be away from Justin (he is a year younger than I) or my family.  Illinois State University became my college of choice in the fall of ’98.

College was a great experience for me.  I joined a sorority and met my best friend in the whole world (Renee).  For those of you who think you pay for your friends by joining a sorority, let me tell you….you can be in a sorority and people still not like you!  I loved my sorority experience.  Justin on the other hand was a little upset by the fact that I was hanging out with fraternity boys, but he had nothing to worry about.  None of those boys ever measured up!  A couple of years later he joined Illinois State and became one of those fraternity boys!  I miss the carefree days of college.  I still keep in contact with many of my sorority sisters and we reminisce about “the good ol’ days”. 

I graduated from college in December of 2002 and that Christmas Eve, Justin proposed.  I was ecstatic.  I had been waiting for six years to get that darn ring.  I was in bliss for a couple of months, but then became miserable because I had chosen a career that was not suited for me and was only a part of that that field for about a year.  This was the only time in my life where I actually felt like a failure.  I have vowed to never let anything affect me like that again.  I threw myself into a job and environment that I knew was not for me and I will just leave it at that.  At that point I decided to go back to school to get my paralegal degree.  During high school and college I worked for a fairly prestigious law firm in our area and chose to pursue something of that genre.  During my studies I ventured back to that same law firm and became a Litigation paralegal.  I really enjoyed going to trial.  It was very exciting and thrilling to be a part of.  I actually miss it to be quite honest. 

In June of 2005, Justin and I got married, in August we bought a house, and in January of 2006 I started a new job as an Investment paralegal for a large corporation.  I won’t disclose which one as most of you would be familiar!  I found that working for a large corporation was not my cup of tea and then in November of 2007 chose to work for a smaller company which I love!  This brings you up to date.

You see, with all of this change going on around me and constant focus on other things and people, I have not had the chance to fully discover myself and figure out who I am.  Now that I love my job, have my home, have my husband, many think that it is time for me to have a child.  I would eventually love to become a mother, but not during my discovery of self.  I encourage everyone to figure out who they truly are and to figure out what it is that they want out of life.  I have followed the “traditional” way of life.  I went to college, landed a great job, married my high school sweetheart, but I know there is more to life and I am determined to experience it.  I just hope all of you will experience it with me!

Why do we make life so hard? I remember lying on the beach looking out into an ocean that looked like it was filled with every question and answer in the universe, and it hit me…. Life is Simple….  Life is not always easy, but if you step back, take a look at the forest, the tree never looks so big.

Breath poured out of me like the ocean itself was taking it with its tide. The weight of a thousand oceans left my shoulders…. Life is Simple…. So why was I making it so difficult?

After that day, Life was Simple….  I made sure it stayed that way.

I am publishing these pages of writing and “coffee-talk” with the intent of spreading peace, and to help make someone like myself, who searched and searched to find themselves, start living.  I am no doctor, or even a nurse, nor would I like to be, but these methods or words have freed me more than any procedure, and I won’t send you a bill….  I also need to learn from you, your experiences are different than mine are, so I have a lot to gain from knowing you. 

I was raised by my mother, a charming, and loving woman, and once a week I would sit quietly and listen to my mother and Aunt Katie have coffee, they would sit and tell each other their issues or successes, and they would “get down to brass tacks”, and that’s when they would solve these problems, and they did, if they would come across something so hard, they couldn’t find a solution, they would let each other cry, and calmly offer a lipstick, see in our family, if your lipstick’s okay, you will eventually be fine. You know, the rule is true, I have always made it, and thanks to both Mom, and Aunt Kate, my lipstick has always been monitored closely, they may have something here!

Thank you for enjoying my Simple Life with me,

Lizzy

I had second guessed myself for so long when I was young, if I felt something was wrong; my brain would automatically start its “logical talk down” of how I was feeling.

I always got burned. Always.

What I started to do unconsciously is listen to my feelings, and over the last few years I have begun to trust myself without even knowing it. When I meet someone that I “feel” is not a good person for me to be around, I wait, and they always prove me right. If I feel I should not be in a situation, I leave, and I always hear stories of what went wrong. See, I believe it is our gut that is our first instinct.

You know, it is not always used to detect bad now. When I meet someone that I feel like I have a connection to, I go with it, I trust myself. I met my friend Tracey that way. A few of my friends were going for a “drink” at one of our local watering holes, and when I got there, ordered a glass of wine, and sat down, they all wanted to go somewhere else. I am no stranger to sitting somewhere alone, so I said go. They left and before you knew it I was in a great conversation with a complete stranger. I enjoyed her conversation, and strangely knew that I would be friends with her for a long, long time. I was right, we have lunch once a week now, and thank goodness I trusted myself.

Trust yourself above all others.

My heart is with you on your journey, the heart that I trust.

Lizzy

Now I know why Liz has soooo many mirrors in her home.  I am putting up more everyday.

Katie

These jeans make you “strut” not walk, much cheaper than a personal trainer!

Thanks Janice!!!!

Lizzy

Janice

1. Do you feel a need to “have it all”?
2. Do you feel older for the first time in your life?
3. Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?
4. Do you often feel depressed, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?
5. Do you ever feel that time is running out when you try to figure out your career and decide whether you want to get married and/or have children?
6. Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?
7. Do you feel that you have failed because you don’t know what you want to do with your life?
8. Do you over analyze yourself and your decisions?
9. Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life when you’ve lived only about a quarter of it?
10. Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out or accomplished more?

If you answered yes to five or more, welcome to the club sister, you are experiencing a quarterlife crisis!!!

I failed this test miserably and it was nice to know that I was not alone! This book actually made me feel like I was somewhat normal and that I am not the only woman experiencing these feelings of self doubt. We don’t have to have all the answers now, or ever for that matter. I truly recommend this book to any woman who feels that it may be able to help them in some way. I got Liz to read it and hope more of you will also. (Oh…and the book also has a section on “red-flag men”!!)

Peace, Love and Happiness!

Janice

Pete

Everyone asks me after they meet my mother, what was it like to grow up with her?

Well, I could tell example after example of funny situations and different ways that she handled things. She was not like most mothers, although all the same things did happen, we were fed, educated, bathed, and loved, but I look back and my mother didn’t treat us like children, she treated us like human beings, and expected us to act accordingly.

As a matter of fact, when we would start to act like idiots she would simple say, “Go to your room until you can act like a human being”.

I would go to my room, puzzled, and I would sit and think about how a human acts? Obviously, according to my mother, a human apparently doesn’t punch her sister in the face, or throw a fit, or what ever I was doing to land myself in this position. With that simple question she slowly taught me the behaviors that were acceptable in the outside world.

The one thing that I don’t remember about my childhood is my mother ever losing her composer, she never yelled, never flew off the handle, and never showed any weakness. That doesn’t mean that we never got “spanked”, she handled that more like a covert operation, you never knew when that was coming, BOOM, you were checked.

The funny thing was, when we did get spanked, she turned and went on with her day, as if nothing had ever happened, not bothered in the least. Now that I am older and we are friends, she tells me that it killed her to discipline us, but back then we never knew it, we thought perhaps she may even like it.

I hear a lot that these parents are “stressed”. I do understand that parents today, more than ever, have stresses that go beyond money, schedules, marital, and emotional problems, but let me ask, what does that have to do with your choice to bring this human to earth?

My thought here is that these parents that I sometimes see screaming at their children, losing all control, threatening, and showing the kid that they cannot control themselves must feel constant failure. A five year old or even sixteen year old can make you lose control? Where does that put the power?

How are we letting these children raise us?

Why do adult humans let young humans have the reigns?

As parents, don’t you have the responsibility of controlling the situation, or even yourselves?

Thanks Mom, for never making me feel like I was driving the bus…

These Little humans should never feel like Big humans shouldn’t have their crap together, because when they become Big humans they will feel like it is okay to not take responsibility for the bus.

Lizzy

I need to discuss something about politics today because I feel that in my heart of hearts, this subject could be the most important subject thus far in this election, and I want to call to action my fellow females as American women, strong women, and fair women to step up and make a informed choice.

The Republican Party nominated a woman as their Vice Presidential Candidate this week named Sarah Palin. This was a decision made by the Republican Party to sway some of the “Hilary” voters to jump onboard; it was not John McCain’s first choice, but his final choice none the less.

While it is “ground breaking” to have a woman nominated into office, as well as exciting, I want us “as women” to remember what it means to be “equals”. Years ago when our mothers and grandmothers fought to be “equals” and fought for “women’s rights” they stood strong that we were just as good as any man with the same qualifications. We could essentially do anything a man could do, and they fought hard to get us where we are today. THEY FOUGHT HARD FOR US not to be set aside because we are a woman, they wanted us to be “equals”.

They did not want us to be chosen just because we are females either, they wanted “equality”.  

I beg you as American women to please not use the vote that our foremothers fought for without looking at all the facts. If you were going to vote for Hilary Clinton and are considering voting for Sarah Palin instead, here are a few differences in what they believe, if you chose to vote for Sarah Palin because you believe with her, so be it, but you must know and respect the differences.

1)      Sarah Palin is Pro-Life, or more importantly Anti-choice. Even in the event of incest or rape, she does not believe that we, as women, are the best judges for our bodies.

2)      She believes in teaching Abstinence ONLY for sex education.   

3)      Sarah Palin does not believe in equal pay for equal work for women. According to the McCain campaign she supports it, but in fact she opposes the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

4)      Sarah Palin does not believe in providing affordable healthcare to all. (Not free, but Affordable)

5)      Sarah Palin believes in the war in Iraq, although she openly admits that she has no plan for the war.

6)      Sarah Palin believes that drilling is the major “answer” to our oil crisis.

7)      Sarah Palin does NOT believe that Global warming is cause by humans.

      Sarah Palin does not support Gay Unions, although she has “friends” that are “gay”, they are “good enough” to be her friend, but not good enough for health/retiree benefits.    

9)      Sarah Palin has not protected Endangered Species, she threatened to sue the Federal Government for putting Polar Bears in the Endangered Species List warning that “it would adversely affect energy development in Alaska”. She also opposed strengthening protection on the Beluga Whales in Alaska’s Cook Inlet, where oil and gas development has been proposed, on economic grounds.

Please vote based on the Nominees Principals and Values. If you believe the same way as Palin does, by all means, but if you don’t believe the same way, vote accordingly….

Just because someone is a woman does not mean that they are like you.

I plead that you do not let our foremothers hard SERVICE go unappreciated.

Thank you to all the women that fought for equality, I will NOT let you down,

Lizzy 

About five years ago, I moved from my home town, from my family, my life long friends, everything that I knew to a new start, a beginning. The fear was only shadowed by the longing for something greater, something unknown, but almost like “faith”, I knew it was out there (or in there), I couldn’t describe how exactly I knew, but my heart was telling me to go, and so I went.

For the first few months (eight to be exact) I met the first and truest of my new friends, me. I had never known myself without the influence of others, nor did I ever long to know me. For this time, I went to work, came home, night after night the same thing. I didn’t have cable, I didn’t have the internet, I had me and my heart, and my brain finally introduced the two of us. This was my biggest growth step, it was fast and furious, I realized that I, too, had a story, for so long being in sales, trained to pull everyone else’s life history out in the shortest amount of time possible, never really telling my tale, only sharing bits and pieces (the ones I thought would work best for their comfort). So for these days I “probed” myself. Basically what I was doing was walking into someone’s home (mine) that I didn’t even know, and I was talking to her, figuring out what she liked, what she didn’t like, what her dreams were, and what her fears were, and when I was done, I loved her.

 Of course I had acted like I loved me for years, if anyone described me before this transition it would probably be “full of myself”, or “cocky”, when in fact, I was lost, I was a liar, and I pretty much “sold” myself to everyone I had ever met, not knowing what or who I was selling to anyone.

This time period was not a comfortable one, it was best described as feeling your way clear through a house in the dark searching for a light switch. It was scary and kind of exciting in a haunted house kind of way, but when that light switch was flipped, there was no turning back, I could see things so clearly, I could see me.

The reason I am telling everyone about this is I truly don’t believe that until you have made friends with yourself, until you can sit with you, are you capable of sitting with others. I had never been a true friend to anyone, never been anything but a lie to everyone. I painted the scenery the way I wanted it to look, not the way it was, and until I became comfortable with the way my scenery looked, for real, I really never shared my existence with anyone.

Until you can shamelessly look in the mirror you cannot see the world with honor.

I remember THAT day so clearly. I had gone to get my bi-weekly manicure and pedicure, “my big outing”, and I was driving back to my house when I realized I was ready to meet new people, prepared to start landscaping around this home that I had created within myself. I drove past my “hide away” and pulled into the local pub for a drink. I figured it was time for people to enjoy me as I had been learning to do  for months. I had forgiven all (including myself) and I was ready to let them in. I sat down, and friends came, and came, and came, and are still coming. Sure, I have to weed my garden every now and then, but more times than not, they are beautiful flowers that make everyday brighter.

The reality is the more confident I am with my heart the more comfortable it becomes to let people into it. Today I am so at ease with me; I have become so strong over the last five years just by letting me into my heart, and then letting others in.

My suggestion for you today is to gather a new friend from somewhere, even if it happens to be yourself. Keep gathering friends after that. You can have too much money, too many things, too much space, too much time, but never can you have too many friends. Especially when your truest friend lies within yourself!

My Heart Is With You on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Too many of us have does this.  Long gone are the days of sitting at the dinner table everynight with no t.v. or any other electronic distraction.

Some have always watched tv through their meals, and some have accidentally gotten into the routine by one night turning into two then three then….

I have a challenge for all of you.  Especially those with children.  Make dinner a priority. 

I, actually we, have decided to make our dinner time the most important time of the day.  And the more time it takes, the better!  Long gone are the days of Fast Food. 
I am including my whole family in cooking.  My children jump in with amazing excitement.  They love helping.  Usually we make the sides while my husband cooks the meat on the grill.  Then, even though we are home, we set the table with more attention then the most fancy of restaurants.  The more details, the more pride my children have for the meal.  Next we start a pot of coffee and bring the food to the table.  With NO T.V.! 

And here’s the kicker, We Talk To Each other.  I know an amazing concept, right?

We take our time eating, and cleaning up our dishes together, never rushing the meal, then we all get a cup of coffee and visit some more!!! (even the kids get coffee, but the younger the child, the more milk added).

Then we have our children get ready for bed as my husband and I have another cup of coffee. Visiting about our day.  Showing our children that we are important to eachother.  Then we tuck our kids in bed and visit some more.

We are getting to know each other and our children all over again.

I am now posing a challenge to everyone, children or no children, to slow down, get out your best dishes, and have dinner together.  Visit with eachother.  Don’t look at your clock and take your time.

You never know, you might create your very own New/Old tradition!

And Please all of you, do this for yourself and your family, and comment to this.  Let me know how it works for you.- Kate

Kate,

You have an excellent point here, I remember sitting together as a family, getting to know one another, respecting the honor of family and friendship together, even respecting my mothers table as its own entity, it brought everything into perspective as you looked into the faces of what was truly important and faced the ferustrations of one another head on (it is not always easy to share your existance with another). I think it allows you to live so much more for the moment, especially when you make that key choice to stretch out the “good” moments. That is what we are here to do, bathe in our blessings.

For the singles out there this is as vital if not more, make the choice to bask in a dinner with a friend or family member when you get the chance, and more importantly, make those chances happen.

Thank you Katie, for reminding us to STRETCH OUT THE GOOD MOMENTS….

My heart is with you on your journey,

 Lizzy

Candles

Fresh flowers

Brighter light bulbs in a dim room

New hand towels on the bathroom vanity

Hand milled soaps

Books

A throw on the back of the sofa or chair

New pillows if a new sofa is out of the question

A silver or leather picture frame

Anything monogrammed (frames, towels, shower curtain)

Lemons or limes in a jar or bowl

Sea shells (Nate Burkess says every room should have something from the sea)

Don’t forget curb appeal with a large container of geraniums out front

Clean, clean, clean – nothing looks good unless you apply this principle to your home.   

Everything has a place, no clutter

Color on the walls, find a color that comforts you, and paint every wall that same color, white is no good.

Bedding, comfort is king, but make it beautiful.

Any ideas out there? 

I have been raised to use all of these tips, they help to make my house a home. Thank you Aunt Kate, for giving me the tools over the years to make me comfortable where ever I am.

The first Product Recommendation of this month is probably the best one I have found so far…..

This stuff is the fountain of youth….

 Two Wednesdays ago  ”Beach Day” with some of my face to face Coffee Talkers my friend Stephanie busts out this face and body mask… She had all kinds of samples to give out, and so she did. She had tried the product when one of her clients had told her about what it does. She liked it so much her salon was taking the line on.

I took my sample home, and set it aside for about a week, here I thought “great, its another Mary Kay, Beauti-Control, Avon, Clinique, blah, blah, blah promise to fix all your problems, just another let down”….. The next week, I slapped it on, skeptical as I was, I said I’d do it, and so I did.

This stuff is GREAT….. A “HOLY COW” kinda good.

Basically it is Volcanic Clay that you rub all over your face (and Body), let it sit for 10 minutes, twice or three times a week, and wash it of with a warm cloth.  It doesn’t have any smell really, and it feels so GOOD!

After the first treatment, I no longer had ANY black heads….. My Skin looked “even”…. The damage that I have done for years of sitting on beaches for a week at a time (getting my moneys worth of the sun) was substantially removed. My worry wrinkle in the middle of my forehead (that I planned one day to get botoxed) was much less noticable.

I thought…. What is this crap?

You can use it on your entire body, it tightens the skin, so things like “Stretch Marks” and “Cottage Cheese legs” are instantly improved. But this is the weirdest thing, it “detoxifies” your skin, so you actually can see the “gunk” rising to the surface…. It also removes dead skin, and there for makes your skin look so fresh and healthy.

I bought the “BIG JUG” (24 ounces) of it that will last 6 months from Stephanie for $100. Cheaper than monthly facials or Botox for that matter, and far more efficient! You can buy the smaller jar (8 ounces) of it for $42 bucks. I also bought the eye and lip treatment for $35, because I think your eyes and lips can essentially tell your true age.

Here is what it fixes-

• Cellulite
• Fine lines and wrinkles
• Stretch marks
• Scars
• Under-eye puffiness
• Crow’s feet
• Blemishes
• Enlarged pores
• Dull, dry skin
• Uneven skin tone

“Volcanic Ash Clay has been embraced throughout history for its extraordinary health and cosmetic benefits. Now, these legendary beauty benefits can be yours with Clay Essentials, a unique new line of skincare masques you can enjoy right at home. Our nourishing clay formulas restore your skin’s natural radiance, softness and clarity—at a fraction of the cost of professional spa treatments.”- Clay Essentials TM

This is Stephanie’s contact email, she said she will charge you a smail shipping fee, but it is totally worth it….

   redsathome@sbcglobal.net

Thank you Stephanie this will make a big difference in how people feel about themselves. Just another way Coffee Talking makes us feel better….  

I could not agree more with your thoughts during your gathering. Taking the time to simply ask questions and having an open mind to understanding a different point of view will quickly become enlightening and intriguing.
In regards to your friend, I also agree that the best thing to do for her or anyone making a life changing decision is to simply listen, support, and help her paint a picture of where she sees herself in the future. All while encouraging her to make a choice that will put her in the “future” picture that she painted for herself. Giving some advice is only going to work if they are open to receiving it and that can only happen if they know where they would like to be at the end of the journey.
I remember a friend of mine that was in a relationship that was unhealthy and truely stiffling her potentential as a person. Now I truely take zero credit for the choices that she made, but I do know and take pride in the fact that I was just there for her each week in that local diner where we simply listening to each other and encouraged one another to make choices that were best for us. For a couple of twenty- somethings meetings really gave us a better understanding of our lives and our direction. One weekly meeting at the diner resulted the same passionate, energetic, and enlightening conversation. I make my way to the restroom and when I returned, I returned to a woman who made a diffcult but necessary choice to end a relationship that was not part of the “future” picture that she had painted for herself over our many weekly outings.
Having a friend to sit down with over a cup of coffee who will not judge, but encourage and bring clarity to our chaotic lives is invaluable. You are not only receiving the support but it is also rewarding when you are giving it.

I always say that it is easier to see the big picture and the root of the problem when you are on the outside looking in, so having a coffee talk friend to help find and lead you to that clarity is priceless.

Your site is a perfect reflection of you and the person that I have had the privelage of knowing and calling a friend. I am happy to know that more people have the opportunity to share this side of you.

Thank you for being my coffee talk friend Liz. - Heather

Etiquette has NOTHING to do with money, nothing to do with royalty, and is not unachievable by anyone. It is simply a standard in which you hold yourself and others accountable. For the most part etiquette and manners lead us through everyday events, and remind us to be thoughtful of ourselves and others….. Etiquette doesn’t sound like a bad word to me.

1) Make each other comfortable…..

My Aunt Kate has always been very good at making someone feel “okay” about what ever they feel uncomfortable about. Whether it is what she is wearing or what she has chosen for her life’s career. She has always been able to find some way to have a common ground. She has always put Value in others (whether they deserved it or not), which has made others long to be around her. That sounds like something small, but look at it this way, when people long to be around you, you always feel special. Who doesn’t want that?

I was recently at a gathering, I had nothing in common with anyone there, I let people talk about what was important to them, why it was important to them and so on and so forth….. On and on, and before I knew it, I was having a great time. I wasn’t thinking about me, just them, and I didn’t regret it. I didn’t agree with half the things most were saying, but I didn’t feel any “drive” to tell them they were right or wrong. Why do we feel it is always our battle to fight? Let some people learn for themselves.

I have a friend that is addicted to alcohol. Anyone who has had this has either been let down, inconvenienced, disappointed, or negatively effected; it just goes with the territory. People have tried, myself included to “help” with her disease, it’s a “no go”. To me, it is worth it to still be her friend, hoping one fine day, no more worries, until then, I protect myself. BUT, I don’t take on the burden of fixing her, a fix that will not work until she starts fixing herself; I let her live her life, accepting the good and the bad. I guess that’s what I am saying…. ACCEPT the good the bad and most of all the different….

Going back to what I have done over the years, I think back to a time where I fought all the battles. If you were something I wasn’t, you were wrong, if you were something I was, you were right. Life was that cut and dry. Now looking back, I was a work-a-holic, right wing, know it all, that happened to be the “best” at everything I did (only because I did things I was good at), I was not close to my family, had almost no friends, and couldn’t stand most humans, all by choice, and if that sounds “right” to any of you, maybe you need to take as close of a look at yourself as I had to.

Times changed. Life humbled me with a divorce, and slowly but surely I was alone, on purpose. I sat down and realized that I was all wrong….. And that meant that for years I had thought everyone else was wrong, and “HOLY CRAP”, I had misjudged a lot of people. It was me that didn’t open my mind to the possibility that there are several different rights….. There are far more “rights” in the world than “wrongs”….. Hell, I thought divorce was wrong for years, and no one could have been proven more wrong than I was.

There are different ways to get from the beginning of your life to the end….. But we all somehow manage it, every single one of us…

More to come……

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy