Writers Block is a very weird thing… It is not like constipation, because there is nothing there in some cases. I have not been able write for some months, someone asked me why I was not writing, they prefaced the question with the answer could not be “I don’t know, my answer came to me easily unlike most lies, I simply said, “I have nothing to say”. Truth is, I do have tons to say, it is more like the planes waiting to land, circling and circling, but never having permission to land, I have not given myself permission to land.

I think what has happened is that when I have something to say there is always something in the way, some mundane task that seems to take priority over my message. You know, like the ever important task of laundry or running out to hear another friend’s message, all the while mine is waiting, lurking, and eventually runs out of gas way before she ever gets to the “landing strip”, i.e. paper.

Maybe that is how all good intentions lost get undone. The daily routine budges in line and before we ever know it, it’s gone.

I do have something to say, a message to be heard, and today, she is called by me, the one who runs the show, to land.

My friend and I were talking the other day about scarcity and abundance. There are times in our lives that we have felt like we are lacking, there is just never enough, never enough love, time, money, food, or chocolate. You know the basics! Then other times we find ourselves overwhelmed with all of the same things, wedding days are full of love, a day here or there with nothing to do. Well, most people don’t find a lot of days with too much money, but hey, go into the dollar store, and all of the sudden the world is your oyster. There is Thanks Giving, where inevitably there is someone that points out the obvious “there is too much food here”. As for chocolate, I would say that may just be the exception for some, there can never be enough chocolate. Well, unless you eat a six pack of buster bars and can prove it by being paralyzed by the pain, but even then… Who knows? So the question I ask is why can’t every day be one of those special days?

Why as humans are we stuck in the mode of scarcity? Why do we always ask what we are missing instead of what is here?

A few years ago after listening to The Secret or some other self help book, they all seem to run together, I started asking myself instead of what was missing, what was not missing?

Even though looking back I really didn’t “have” all that much, I felt rich. In comparison to today I was not, today my life is so abundant, that sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe it is real. I am not sure that I feel any better. The old saying of “don’t count your chicken before they’re hatched” needs to have a little after statement, “but don’t be afraid to be thankful for the ones you’ve already got”.

The Dali Lama says that the key to being happy is being not only aware of what you’ve got but being grateful for it. It is the whole “want what you have”, what if that is the key to happiness, I know it has been for me, but what I want to know is does it work for everyone?   

I must apologize to my readers; I have been so tied up in my life that writing has not come easily for me. I am so rich in gifts that they seem to be keeping me swamped with planning, doing, and moving on to the next great passage that something had to give, and for me it was lets coffee talk. Well, I am back, better than ever, with a completely abundant outlook on this world.

This is a tribute to just how wealthy I have been over the last few months and how much more wealthy I get to be for the few months to come. A lot of the time I use a checklist of categories to figure out just what I need to work on, but as I go down my self made list there are no short comings, no needs for focus, and I find myself renovating nothing. A first for me.

Friends- Over the last few years I had to prioritize my relationships from quantity to quality, this is somewhat of a painful process, but in the end stages I have been blessed to have kept the ones who love me back, enrich my life, and make me a better person. My friends are amazing these days, our conversations are stimulating, our loyalty is a two way street, and I could not be more blessed by those who I have made my family of no obligation. I must give my friend Maureen a lot of credit, she has persistently set up a “Calamari Thursday Night”, a bunch of friends get together, have wine, and eat calamari. I have enjoyed this more than anything; it is a great way to get together for seemingly no reason to enjoy the company of great conversation. I believe that everyone should make the excuse to go be surrounded by dear friends. Thank you to Maureen, a blessing in my life.

Family- My family and I are very close, my mom, my sisters, my nieces, my Aunt Kate and my two dads are the pieces of my puzzle that hold me together. I am so grateful to have them in my day to day life. Unfortunately just because you are blood related does not mean that you should be disrespected in any way. I had to make a hard choice to not be in a relationship with one of my sisters this year, she was hurtful and toxic, and by allowing myself to release her after so many years of trying to get her to love me some how, some way, I found myself relieved. See, if someone cannot love you the way you need to be loved it is counterproductive to try to force it. There are personality conflicts out there, and forgiving myself for not being able to be in the abusive relationship, whether it be sisters, or lovers, or even colleagues, was freeing in a way. It took so much of the pressure off of both of us. I had made it my “New Years Resolution” for the last three years to try to get closer, be more tolerant, and show more love to a person that did not welcome any of it. I walked away, some may call me a quitter, but I believe that if you keep fighting a battle that you can never win, you are just plain stupid. There is a reason that I am not trying out for the NBA, they don’t want me, and neither did she. You have to know when to hold them, and more importantly, know when to fold them. I encourage everyone to know when to fold them, do it, and forgive yourself for any failure you might feel. Just because someone shares DNA with you does not mean they share your heart. It has made me more thankful than ever for the family that has been there through thick and thin, and made me be more supportive to them.

Work- Okay, work has always been a tough subject for me, always slightly unsatisfied, longing to be more successful, more driven, more, more, more. I took a little hobby job at a little boutique back in November. I have never been happier with a decision in my life. The group that I work with come in all shapes and sizes, young and old, rich and poor, but the one thing that they all share is heart. I love these new friends, and I love being with them, they are always kind, always giving, always positive, and are all women in the first right. I am grateful to be a part of them.

Love Life- There is not any words in the English Language to describe this department. I have tried to write about Jason for so long and I always feel like I let us down when I try to portray what we have found, a treasure above treasures. For me, this is the holy grail.
As I plan to walk down the aisle to the man that I have chosen for my life, offer my mind, body, soul, hopes, dreams, ugliness, idiosyncrasies, and take my last journey alone. What a momentous stroll toward something new, or old in some cases. Jason and I have been together for near three years now, although it seems like time has stood still, like there has not been any years at all, isn’t that what it is about? We get up the same every morning although each morning seems like a brilliant new day. We have many routines, I guess we just fit together, there are few annoying parts of the puzzle, so few in fact that I don’t even notice them when they happen, I just laugh as if they were there for my own amusement. He laughs with me. I can only appreciate that he finds the same things funny. Is it strange that I feel like I have known him for years, a lifetime really. I always thought that the mistake I made was thinking that when you married someone; you became one, I thought that instead you were supposed to live at “hopefully” the same pace, grow on your own, together. Jason proves me wrong. You do become one, together.

So here we are, together, blooming, not as a single flower, as a bouquet. It is strange to see a face that looks at you like you like you always dreamed of being looked at, to look at someone without any ego in your eyes, no jealousy, no resistance, no fear, no hesitation, and no pain. There is no words to describe him, no words to describe how I feel, and no words to describe how blessed I am to have him. No words at all.

My Self- Last but not least. My last few months have been like a dream. For me, travel is a way for me to get to know myself better, with each trip, I see something about myself in others, and identify if I like it or not. February it was Mexico, Jason and I took a “five dayer” to lie together somewhere besides in our home, it was wonderful and relaxing. The in March we zapped down to Florida to see Jason’s parents, a trip that meant a lot, as you may have figured out, I am marrying more family, and it felt good to be able to see them as my future mother and father in law. Now April arrives, Spain with my sister Janice, a trip we have dreamt of taking for years, and now it is my next anticipation. Then in June, ten days in the Bahamas to become a Mrs. instead of a Misses. In every un-highlighted area are the real good parts, this is the life I always wanted. Friends, Family, a Love that is real, a work that isn’t consuming, and no want, no need, and when I look at it from an aerial view it seems too good to be true, but it is, and it is mine, and today is my day.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

I recently received a forwarded email about a woman that of late rediscovered what Christmas is really about, for the last few years she has hustled and bustled just like everyone else trying to get the exact amount of gifts for all her children, made sure it was enough to impress them on Christmas morning, all the while praying that it would be adequate to satisfy her beautiful children the morning of Christmas Day.

Reading this email brought me to tears, I know this woman as a friend of my sister’s who for all encounters has been nothing but kind, even in demeanor. To hear the pain in her words was immense; she had found an opportunity to examine herself and with the results was very disappointed. Instead of calling for excuses or blames she decided to share her failure as a Christian in hopes of not only changing her ways but allowing others to self analyze unselfishly through her own misguided and corrected journey. The story she told was of a family that was to have no Christmas. It still makes me feel somewhat choked up by her lack of ego, so I felt compelled to write on.

In telling this story we have seen the human heart open wider than ever expected, my sister was shopping for these little children on a very tight budget, while she was deciding between two shirts a stranger struck up a conversation, my sister ended up telling the story of this family and why she was having such a hard time picking the perfect gifts, the woman reached in her purse and offered her own gift to this foreign family. She never questioned once whether they deserved help or if she was the one that was obligated to take care of them. Just gave with an open heart. Sounds like Christmas to me!      

As you all know, I am not Christian, but I do believe that Jesus walked our earth, I do believe that he was a beautiful leader, I believe that he is someone we should all follow with our behaviors to our human race, therefore I believe in Christmas. I think we cannot receive the beauty of this earth until we give beauty to it and I know that love cannot be received, just given. In turn, we must give this Christmas, to strangers, to friends, to enemies, to the human race, just as Jesus called for.  

Giving does not necessarily mean that you have to get the latest Nintendo for your children, but give them the gift of knowing how to give to others, they will not be happy in their lives for the long term always having the best of the best, but they will be content in their lives if you teach them that it feels better to give than receive.

Have you ever heard that someone is buying you a gift for Christmas and rushed out to get them one? Come on, why are we giving? To receive? Please tell me “no”!

This begs the questions, what are we teaching our children about Christmas? What does Christmas mean to you? Why do you celebrate Christmas? How do you want your children’s children to view Christmas? Where is the love in Christmas?

If Christmas is just an exchange of goods on December 25^th for you, I am here to ask you, WHY?

If you walk around stressed about Christmas to come, maybe you are not giving for the right reason. I have erased the names on this email below, just to protect anyone’s feelings, please read it, for Christmas’s sake.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Last night as I rushed into church in a hurry and deposited my son in his class, I came upon a situation that cut straight to my heart. In my excitement to get to class I almost overlooked my friend who was sitting quietly in a chair with her face covered, trying not to cry. I suppose as I hurried past I didn’t really expect an answer when I politely threw out “Hey nice to see you. How’s it going?”.

I stopped dead in my tracks when she lifted her head and replied “Not good, Not good at all”. As I turned to look at her my selfish heart sank because I knew once again I wouldn’t be making it to the adult class. I now realize God had a much bigger lesson he wanted to teach me.

My friend told me the past year has been a rough one (join the crowd right?) She left her abusive husband of 16 years because she was afraid her kids were starting to receive the heavy side of her husband’s hand. She has lived off and on with several friends the past year and her current situation is not the best (I’m leaving out details on purpose). Her soon to be ex-husband has gotten into Meth so she has had to go to court to stop his visitation rights. Her current significant other just got laid off from his job and because of the timing will not receive a check for unemployment until after Christmas. My friend actually said she wondered if she had hurt her kids more by leaving their abusive father.

This year there will be no presents for her son and daughter. She said she had faced tough times before. There had been years when Christmas was slim but this year Christmas just wasn’t going to be. It really hit her when she came into church and saw all the decorations and the angel tree. She really felt like her actions had ruined Christmas for her kids. She’s afraid of all the things her kids have endured their life long memory is going to be the year they didn’t have a father for Christmas and any presents.

I of course mentioned the angel tree program, the salvation army, and other charitable organizations. She said she was too late. There are deadlines for those places and she realized too late that there would be no money for presents. Her boyfriend had promised her his last check before Christmas would be for Christmas shopping. There is no check coming and she has not bought anything. I assured her we could find an answer and hustled off to class.

It wasn’t until I got home that the weight of what my friend told me really hit. Last night the boys and I dug out our favorite ornaments and hung them on the tree. We talked about all the programs, parties, and Christmas to come for us. We wrote letters to Santa and decided what to buy my husband for Christmas.

Hours later my husband and I set checking our lists for presents bought and presents yet to buy. All the time my friend and her little family were tugging at my heart. I had decided I would get her kids a few items and secretly give them to her.  As I looked at the list of things we were getting the boys I felt a huge lump growing in my stomach. Here I was worrying if the dozen or so presents we bought the kids would be enough and my friend had nothing to count. I thought about all the Christmases when I panicked at the last minute and run from store to store buying whatever just so the kids would think they had a good Christmas. What had Christmas turned into for my family? Did the number of gifts really matter?  Was finding and giving the perfect gift the ultimate pleasure for me? Was I ruining Christmas for my kids by focusing on the wrong thing?

I hardly slept last night. My friend’s words kept coming back to me. “I was too late”.  Am I too late as well? My son has a friend he’s been asking to invite to church. I keep telling him we will when we’re less busy. What if I’m busy until Christ comes? What if I get to heaven and I stand before God and have to hang my head and say “Not good, not good at all” because I didn’t take the time to bring 1 more person to know His Saving Grace.

For the past 18 hours or so I’ve been wrestling with what to do about my friend’s family and my own. I still plan on helping my friend get some gifts for her kids. (Anyone else who wants to contribute please let me know.) As for my family we are going to have a long discussion this evening about how much God has done for us and what gifts we can give back to him this year. I wish I could go back a few years and stick to my parents tradition of 3 gifts. I hope it’s not too late for me to change Christmas for my family - as well as give a little love to my friend and her family.

As the pace quickens the next few weeks and we rush from function to function I hope we can keep the focus on God’s precious gift of eternal salvation that came down to us in the form of a baby.  

Lately I guess I have been noticing Negativity a lot more than ever. About a year ago I had read The Power of Now and The Secret, and although the concept was great, I didn’t really start living it until about 6 months ago. Jason is really easy to live with under this way of thinking because he normally has a very positive outlook on his universe and therefore projects it; I have become that way too. Optimistic to annoyance maybe, but I have found that my life is more abundant now than ever, and the facts are just that, facts.

It has been a real challenge for me to not become negative about Negativity though, when I hear it sometimes I have a tendency to get frustrated, when really, I should just think back to a time not so long ago when my glass was half empty. I know I can change my perspective on that too, it just takes a different angle of looking at it.

Money

Have you ever met someone that works so hard but never has a pot to piss in?

I have, I know a lot of these people, their work ethic is second to none, yet they are constantly complaining about their financial condition. They worry about the moneys of tomorrow even if they have enough money for today. They, by worrying, don’t enjoy the fruits of today, nor tomorrow, they are unhappy, and ungrateful, and therefore they never have security not for even one day. The Secret implies that if you say in your mind “I am worried about not having enough money” the “universe” hears that and cannot differentiate that statement from a request, and therefore gives you “not enough” money.

The key is to be grateful today, and have faith in your tomorrows if they even come.

This does not mean, stop planning for your retirement, or saving for that special goal that you have, it just means have faith that the “universe” or “god” or even “yourself” will provide you with the means to be fruitful for all days.

I have often said in the past that I hate “money”, in fact, I do not hate money, I hate the abusive relationships that people have with their and others money.

“I have and will continue to have Abundance, Thank you”

Relationships

This is a BIG ONE, there are so many people searching for love, upset about love loss, scared of never obtaining love, or even scared of losing the love they have today.

Part of these books that I read a year ago, talked about living in this moment, in this day, but I have found that most people who are not happy with the relationship status that they are in, i.e. single, married, separated, or whatever, are simply living either in the past, or in the future, and some of the real “sad” cases bounce back and forth between, but never EVER stay in the present.

Lets take Single for instance, because a lot of people think this is the worst thing to ever happen to someone, which by far is untrue. So many times these “Singles” bounce between the loves they once had and lost and the loves the may never find in the future, therefore never living for today. When I was single not too long ago, (way before I got this concept) I remember people asking me “Why are you single?” “Why aren’t you married?” “Are you looking for a boyfriend?” the concept that I was perfectly happy was far beyond any notion that they could accept. I was happy, I truly was, and I remember feeling like a bit of a “freak” because I was not nearly as upset at they thought I should be, I wasn’t upset at all.

Maybe because I had a relationship based on love and respect with myself (the first healthy relationship I had ever had, by the way), but I did not long for loves past or loves future, I had love.

Love eventually came to me, and when it did I was calm, and ready to let it sit beside me, I was not too eager, it came in a healthy way. You know with courting, and laughing, and eventually loving and respecting, and then lastly trusting.

I feel the same now as I did when I was single, I just have someone there with me, enjoying some moments.

I won’t drag on too much about marriage and separation. But I do know this if you live in the past or the future when you are in these moments the marriage or separation will with all certainty fail completely. If you need me to talk more to this topic, please feel free to coffee-talk with me about it. I have lived in the past of the marriage, and the future of the marriage and it failed miserably. I have live in the past in separation, and the future in separation, also failed.

Love is not something someone gives you, it is something that you give.

Happiness

I sat at the table a few days ago with a friend, and although the lunch we were having was great I remember my friend looking to another table and commenting on how happy they were, my friend eluded to the fact that they longed for happiness like that. My ego went unhurt, but I thought to myself that happiness is nothing other than being grateful for what is at your table, what blessings you have, and if you continuously look at those blessings, you are bound to be happy.

The key to happiness overall is being thankful or grateful for what the “universe” or your “God” or you “yourself” has given you.

If you are constantly looking at the grass on the other side, you never ever notice how beautiful your own lawn is.

Health

Health is one of the most talked about feelings on earth. How are you feeling?

I have met perfectly healthy people that always complain about their health. Therefore they always feel crappy.

I have met perfectly sick people that never complain about their health. Therefore they always feel great.

The mind is a beautiful powerful tool, I suggest we use it. I suggest we utilize it in everything that we are.

Perspectives

Your Perspective is your only truth. I am thankful for those perspectives in this world that I see as optimistic and healthy, I pray you do too….

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

We have over 400 Coffeetalkers….. Average Coffeetalker reads 5 pages……  Average visit is over 5 minutes….

I had no idea that we could be this successful in such a short time… I am humbled…

Thank you…. Lizzy 

I’ve been reading along for a while now. I just wanted to drop you a comment to say keep up the good work.

Today I am thankful for a quiet weekend…. J and I have had visitors for the last few weekends, and as much as we have loved every minute of them, this weekend I was most thankful for the quiet moments alone with my friend.

Saturday- Laid in bed for atleast 80% of the day… Did not say much, just enjoyed being silent together… Then dinner at Baccus Nibbles, which was OUTSTANDING, great conversation, and back home for an early retirement to bed….

Sunday-We enjoyed a few cups of coffee while laughing at our disaster of a govenment on the news, and then some mindless show called Talk Soup…. Then off to take our roommate to the Dog Park where we ran into a few of Herc’s friends (other dogs). There we walked for a long while and got some fresh air while laughing at other people getting freaked out about Hercules’s size. We then dropped off our roommate and headed to the Grocery, Hardware Store,  and my favorite the Atrium, where I get to walk around and see the million different plants and flowers that I love…. I finally got a Lilac bush, I am so proud. The grocery went smoothly for a Sunday, no sceaming kids OR parents. Then home to plant my bush and a few other flowers to finish off the front garden….. J is down building a cabinet to finish our livingroom, and I am up here, writing, boy am I a lucky woman.

The weekend finishes strong, just as it started…. Lovely.

Thankful….

Less can certainly be more….

Today I am thankful for nothing. This sounds as if I am not thankful at all, but truly I think “nothing” often gets the shaft when looking at what we have. I have tons of friends and a loving family, but today I am thankful for the nothings.

I am thankful that nothing is wrong, nothing is happening, and nothing is hindering our happiness. Nothing. I woke this morning and thought to myself ”what is wrong?” and I said to myself “nothing”.

So my heart goes out to the people out there with “something”, something that is hurting them, something that is making them unhappy, something that is challanging their soul, and I pray that there is “nothing” for them soon.  

Here is to “NOTHING”

Today I am thankful for my nieces

I would like to say just how important these children are in my life…..

There is something to be said for the innocent intelligence that these little creatures possess. Every single time I get to be near my nieces whether it is on the phone or in person they teach me valuable lessons. Life jades us as adults and often times our knowledge of a truth somehow clogs our vision…. Clogs our ability to think beyond ourselves, these little ones aren’t handcuffed by reality, but freed by imagination and the lack of line drawn between the two.  Their failures rarely stop them from diving right back in and they take the time to celebrate each success. They accept that they are wrong, and say that they are sorry, and if you say you are sorry to them, they move on, they forget and forgive. How do we lose our way? Why do we hold onto the past? Why do we stop celebrating and start focusing on failure? How do we let reality handcuff us to a lack of imagination?

Today, my oldest niece Alex was having a bad day; her friend had stayed the night and seemed to be having a great time with her little sister….. This is NO GOOD…. She really was upset, and the more upset she got, the more she had a point to prove….  She was in a funk; her younger sister was ruining her life…. All of a sudden she found a reason to start having fun, she made a choice. Now why can’t we as adults make a choice to have fun?

She was able to distract herself, she was able to let go of the problem and move forward.

I am thankful for my Nieces today…..   

Today I am thankful for Divorce.

Now I realize to everyone DIVORCE is a bad word, a terrible thing to go through, and somewhat of a “Scarlet Letter” when it comes to our society. I am here to tell you, it is the wings of freedom for many who have found themselves in the purgatory of a poor decision. I admit when people used to say “these people take the easy way out” I truly thought they were right, I thought that these “divorced monsters” were not willing to “go the extra mile” they were just “fair weather married people”.

The unspoken truth by everyone that has had to tell a Judge that they just “can’t” anymore is that divorce could quite possibly be a savior for ones soul. For all of us that have lain next to the one we thought we would spend the rest of our lives with, and felt so alone, we know that it was sink or swim, and for those of you who don’t know, you just don’t.   

My love and I were both divorced before we met, and as we talked the other night about what the demise of our marriage was, I picture him in the position he was in, and I pictured what life would be like for me if I had stayed where I was, and I had an overwhelming thought…. What if you could not get divorced?

I looked at J, and thought how unhappy he would be, and thought how miserable I would be, and then I went further, and thought of every “DIVORCED” person I knew, and how crazy they would be, and then I thought…. THANK GOD FOR DIVORCE!

There is a difference between going through a rough patch in a relationship, and going through “hell”, I know that.  I am saying if your soul tells you this is “hell”, even God himself would not expect you to stick around. Divorce is a terrible thing to endure, but a lifetime of payment for a poor choice, is beyond terrible. Today I salute Divorce.

Now, run out and get a divorce, and start living your life…… Just kidding, but if you are in a position that is your “hell”, there is no reason to stay.

When I removed myself from my marriage, I realized that some things were my fault and some were his, but it wasn’t about being “right” anymore, it was about not being “wrong”, and we were “wrong”.

“We pulled into my mom’s driveway, and I looked at him for a long time, and he looked at me. I needed to say so many things but, the talking had already been done, and I didn’t have anything to give to him. Years of arguing and debating and winning and losing had taken a toll on both of us, we were done. I said “I love you, and I know that you love me, I am not the right woman for you, and you are not the right man for me, this is not working, and I cannot do it anymore” and it was done. Tears poured out of his face, as I got out of the car and he pulled away. I sat and stared for an hour before I left for Crystal Lake, I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t need anyone, I wanted to be home, and Bloomington was no longer where my home was.

So, I drove to Crystal Lake, and as I pulled into my driveway, I thought of what I had put myself through over the years, and it made me sad. I was sad for the way I had treated myself and I vowed that day to never be unhappy again, not like that at least. I told myself that I would treat myself kindly when it came to tolerating behaviors of others and never sacrifice my beliefs. I walked through my door, and everything looked different, I was thankful for my life, and where I was in it. I knew it would be difficult to divorce him, but that was just a day I had already divorced him in my mind. He wasn’t good enough for me, I knew that before all of this, I settled for him and I would never settle again.”- Liz  

What are you thankful for today, sometimes, well… always, we talk about what we could change, this page is for what we wouldn’t change….. What we love… Please let all of us know what you are thankful for too…

First, I must say, I would not change J, he is the most wonderful creature I have ever known. Thank you UNIVERSE… for him. He is the most unbelievable friend, the best. Thank you for coming to my Grandfathers funeral with me and thank you for every other day, you know just how to make me feel better. I love you and today I am most thankful for you….

Yours….. Lizzy

I was in Florida last week, and once again we had great results on Coffee Talk over the last week, I look forward to coffee talking with all of you right away….. I did a lot of thinking beside that ocean again this time, and have some questions for all of you… Coming Soon!

Lizzy 

Coffee Talk Members….

We have had an outstanding week for Coffee Talk…

In the matter of 4 Days, we have had 96 visits, from all across the country. Almost half are new visitors and half are return visitors… This is amazing, I am so thankful that we are getting our coffee talk out there….

I look forward to more Coffee Talk with everyone….

 Lizzy!