Wow this is a really good post Liz. There is an awful lot here to go over, I would like to see it broken down a bit as separate posts because I don’t think I can comment on all the issues.

As to Republicans, I usually shut them up with a quote that a co-worker said to me when I was in construction building a high rise in Chicago. He pointed to a homeless guy sleeping in the ally and said to me “you’re closer to being him than you are Bill Gates.” Generally, everyone is closer to being homeless than they are to being Bill Gates. The real Republicans are the uber rich and all the other Republicans want to be uber rich. If you believe in the trickle down theory, go ahead and hang out with the rich, try to catch a drop of sweat from them like a little bird. I know the rich don’t sweat, because they are rich.

The impression I get from your post is “What do you really want from this interaction?” I find that most people have no clue as to what they really want from an interaction. What they say they want certainly does not fit with their behavior because their behavior does not give them what they want. However, I have learned that people do behave in a way that they get what they want, it’s just more of a sub-conscious emotional desire that they have not identified. How many times have we gotten what we said we wanted only to be dissatisfied with it, that it did not fulfill our expectation? What you are suggesting is really difficult for most people because you are asking them to confront their motivation, which brings into question, if they really “should” want what they really want. I am sorry, I have to stop writing here, this topic could be a whole book.-Peter

I’d Rather Be “Rich” Than “Right”

This is my ALL time favorite saying. Harry Freidman said it in one of his “many” sales trainings which I was lucky enough to be enlightened by. This is such a valuable statement, yet most people don’t understand it, and certainly don’t live by it. This concept is very profitable in business, mainly because the EGO makes so many decisions in our workforce, the EGO makes us long to be “right” all the time. This concept accounts for all the “good” and bad decisions made in the workforce or at the very least 99% of them. For those “leaders” and “leadees” out in the market that “get” this concept have a strong tendency to succeed, and for those who do not, they usually fail, and are miserable in the process. This goes for personal life too, but for now we will keep it in business mode….  

Now, who hasn’t had a boss, or a direct report that needs to prove CONSTANTLY that they know more than you do? They are always “right” and you are always “wrong”, and even when it proves beyond a reasonable doubt that you were in fact “right”, they blame it on wrong information, or a “wrong” circumstance. Either way, “someone else was wrong”; with the wrong information they were given, they still made the “right” decision based on the “wrong” something or someone that they were fed.  

Who hasn’t had a customer say “the customer is always right”?

WE ALL KNOW THAT THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, and here is how we ALL know it, WE ARE ALL CUSTOMERS, AND AT SOME POINT WE HAVE BEEN WRONG…. You do the math… Therefore we dig a little deeper into the statement….

The reason this statement worked so well in the service industry is it says to our Ego, “hey, come here, and I will give you your most prized possession… YOU WILL BE RIGHT 24/7… Never EVER wrong”. This was brilliant of who ever made this statement up, I seriously doubt it was created in the “broad”sense I am suggesting, but what better way to get people into your business, than to tell them that they are “perfection” if they only shop at YOUR store, they are basically a temporary “Christ Child”… For the thirty minutes that it takes to buy a car these days. SMART!

Let US learn from the used car salesmen that made this up…. If you let people be “right” instead of “human”, they will flock toward you. They will throw money at you. They will take anything you give them. They will be loyal to you…. Bosses and Clients together will be drawn to you, not because you are misleading or manipulating them, but they will respect your humility and it will create an environment for positive change and advancement.

Who hasn’t found themselves making a stink about something that is completely irrelevant to the successes of the business, or to the quality of the work environment?

The best example of this I can give is I was sitting with a few self-named “republicans” a few months ago, discussing politics and the “rights” and “wrongs” in our government  system. Thinking back now, anyone who has gone to the trouble and through the commitment of naming themselves a “party” most likely will not change their mind because of something that I say, especially when I am saying that they are wrong and I am right. I have not gone through the trouble of naming myself a democrat nor a republican, mostly because I am afraid that I will stop seeking thoughts of my own.   Secretly,  I feel this is what  happens to most of these “party joiners”. Furthermore, I feel like it is the easy way out ; a chance to not have to contemplate.  I almost consider it a sorority or fraternity of some sort. All of that aside, I felt this overwhelming need to tell them that they were wrong, and dissect what their thought process problem was. In the end, they ended up hating me. As a matter of fact, I ruined a relationship, not only for myself, but for someone I love. The truth is, I was right about everything I said, and still believe that they were wrong about everything that they said but, instead of letting life teach them a lesson, in the end life taught me a lesson - Don’t stand up and fight for something that is not my battle, and do not try to change minds, minds can’t be changed, they only change themselves. Their minds were changed alright, just not about tax cuts and religious rights, but about me.

Lesson? Do not try to change minds, they only change themselves

This in the business world would be a great example of when you get a new boss, and he/she thinks that she has a MONUMENTAL new way of doing something, and you after working there for however long you have, know FOR SURE it won’t work, no way, no how….. Sometimes the lesson is not yours to learn, it is time for life to teach your new boss- don’t be afraid to let life humble someone for a change. Same with your employees, they are sure it will work, they know they are right; if it doesn’t hurt your bottom line, let life teach them a lesson. Same with a customer or client, if you have understood where they are coming from, told them your concerns, let them fly, they will respect you, and come back to you.  

In business there is a technique to use empathy, use statements like
“I understand”

“I appreciate”

“I recognize”

“I value”

This is a way to tell the customer, boss, or employee that you “get” what they are saying, you know where they are coming from, on to the next…..

Then you are to say “My concern is….” this is a good way to acknowledge that there is an issue and transition to your “issue”. Never saying words like “but, except, excluding, bar, however, although, nevertheless, apart from”, which then discounts your acceptance of their “issue”.  Acceptance is a fancier word for being “right”.

This is a GREAT way to communicate with people that you are trying to make positive results with. Especially with the Boss that signs your paycheck, does it truly matter to you if you are “right” and he is “wrong”? (Unless there is an integrity issue, different story)

Does it matter if you know everything, and he/she knows nothing? No, he/she still signs you paycheck, and in the end, he will advance the person that makes his/her EGO feel better, it is just natural.

Perfect example… You are a teenager, your friends are all telling you that you are “right”, and your mother is telling you that you are “wrong”… Who do you want to hang with?  

Take it into personal life, same thing… Have you ever had a fight with a boyfriend or girlfriend that ends up out of hand because they JUST REFUSE to acknowledge that YOU WERE RIGHT and they WERE WRONG?

How can they not see this? How can they be so stupid?

Step back, you probably are “right” but rather than them be “wrong”, they will fight you to the death.

Boyfriend isn’t paying enough attention to you, you deserve more than this, rather than saying “Hey, I would like to see you a few more times this week if possible” you say “You are a bad boyfriend, you never spend time with me (i.e. you are wrong)” If he backs down now, he is admitting he was wrong, he doesn’t back down. Now he has to prove that he is right, instead of giving his energy to your needs. Non-Productive Conversation.

(NPC)

NPC- this is when you say a statement and rather than it moving a situation forward, it stays stagnant or reverses.

There are endless examples of NPC in the world today floating around…..

STOP NPC!

The Human Ego (or in this case we will call it brain, although I am sure by how strong the drive is, it has to do with the heart too) is constantly fighting to be “CORRECT”. This

Force is probably the strongest in our society today. There have been Wars started and carried on, just because someone cannot say that they were “wrong”, that is what we are dealing with. Families have broken apart, and businesses ripped to shreds, countries crumble, and hearts are broken everyday, all because there is something inside of us that cannot admit to being “not right”.

This is all very known…. books are written everyday about how to adjust our thinking this way.

Why not with all the knowledge of this “Plague” that damns our land do we NOT make the necessary steps to make it “work” for us? Why is it so hard to say…? “You’re right”

Taking this Personally…..

Have you ever been verbally attacked? You know, one of those where you know with 100% of your soul that you are not to blame….

First Reaction? Tell them EXACTLY how “wrong” they are….

Second Reaction? Tell them why you are so “right”…..

Third Reaction? Clean up the carnage…..

Now, when your core is attacked and you feel as though you are the only one that will stick up for you, ask yourself the question…. Would I rather be “rich” than “right”?

If you would rather be “right” than “rich” (meaning have them as a friend or family member) then let them have it, they are not of enough value anyway to you…..

I believe that under no circumstances are we able to change one another. We are only able to mold ourselves into what we want to be, which brings me to why argue and fight?, why prove to someone that you believe that they should change when they are the only one that can give that to themselves, yet our Ego steps up to the plate first?

Sometimes you have got to fire friends, fire bosses, fire customers, fire boyfriends and girlfriends, even fire family members, you do, they are toxic….. Sometimes the pain that they serve to you is unbearable, and YOU make that choice, it is not them. That is your “right”, and the only “right” you need, know that you are in charge of your own finality. You have the power, now all we need is the ability to know when to use it. Humility is the answer. Humility = Rich…..

I am very interested in your thoughts on this Subject; I believe it could make a huge difference in the world we live in. DON’T TELL ME I AM WRONG!!!

This reminds me of my daughters. I can not describe them as delicate creatures, but wonderful beings. Anyway, back to my story. A couple of months ago I hear a “thud” followed by a scream… 1st daughter had punched 2nd daughter square in the back. ( I still haven’t hear the truth about why) My response is to separate, check to make sure 2nd daughter is not horribly injured, and follow up with a punishment for 1st daughter… And here is the kicker. 2nd Daughter threw herself between 1st daughter and I determined that NOONE and I mean NOONE will hurt her sister, even if the spanking is a punishment for the brutal attack on her! Again. You can do anything to your sister/friend, but don’t let anyone else even look sideways at them.-Kate

This is a letter I sent to my sister……

Dear Katie,

Inspired by your Birthday tomorrow I sat down to think of the last twenty-nine years of knowing Kathryn Jill, or as I have always known you as “my baby sister”, I felt compelled to let you know just how important you have been in my everyday life.

I cannot remember the first eighteen months of my life even when I try very hard, my first memories of my existence you were part of me, and although it has been said that when you were brought into this world I wasn’t very happy about your arrival, I cannot recall those thoughts nor would I want to conceive ever thinking them. You have been a part of me since I was introduced to myself, and without you I have never known, and never will. You are me, and I am you, and that will always be; for I know nothing without you in me.

You were my first best friend, and a true best friend you have remained. Although, I have never completely rapped my mind around the concept, you taught me what I know today about sharing. As children and as adults, if you feel pain, I share your pain, as you take mine. We share secrets, successes, failures, and feelings, and in the end I know that it is you, my dearest friend, that I will, for my entire life, share my life as it has and always will be that way. 

You were my first enemy, and what a remarkable enemy you were. Through the injuries and screaming and bloodshed, it has been you that taught me to forgive, and you that humbled me first. When the wars ended and the battlefield was cleaned up, it was you that I always had on my side, and we have remained our fearless loyal soldiers standing beside each other. We have fought and won and always will fight to the death for each other. You taught me to be true.  I will remain your advocate as it has and always will be that way.

Although it seems that we have taken two different paths in life, we travel those paths together. I have never been lonely because you are always with me and I will always be with you. I have never known life without you.

Tears stream down my cheeks when I write to you because I cannot imagine myself without you. You continuously make me a better human being. I thank you for loving me all of your life, I would be lost without you, for I am not me with out you, “my baby sister”.  Happy Birthday

Forever,

 “SISSY”   

Girlfriend-Pronunciation: ‘g&r(-&)l-”frend
Function: noun

 One who acts as a tread on the bottom of your shoe when all elements point to a big slip. Also can be used for amplifying a humorous situation, positive situation, a situation that is on the fence between positive and negative, and otherwise weird situations. One who acts as a buffer to you and the rest of the world. She may also justify negative behavior based on current negative situations. She is available at anytime of the day, and puts you before anyone of the male species and prioritizes situations for you when you are unable to overcome a circumstance. Girlfriends judge each other, but will murder anyone else for judging their friends. 

How can we make the world a better place?

Smile

Smile A LOT…. Search for things to smile about. There are so many things here on earth to smile about. People are very funny creatures; they do funny things, even without knowing that they are doing anything. When you are looking for funny things, you have a tendency not to seek out the miserable things here on your planet, you are not miserable. If you are constantly thinking about bad things, you are acknowledging the good things, and therefore are suddenly aware of a completely different part of life. YOU ARE FUNNY, laugh hard at yourself, tell stories about to make others laugh at you. Life is too serious these days.

There have been times in my life that were shattering, and hard to understand, and overwhelming, times that my soul was shaken and I couldn’t remember how to smile. I remember after Jake died, how I felt I felt cold and dead, and dead people can’t smile, but I wasn’t dead, I was heart broken, and the more I smiled, the more I came back to life.

Bad things have happened to everyone, death, divorce, disappointment, and disgrace, the only way to beat it is to smile.

LAUGH IN THE FACE OF LIFE, AND SHE WILL LAUGH WITH YOU, NOT AT YOU ANYMORE!  

Every single person has an opinion, if you would like mine on a certain subject feel free to suggest a Topic for me to talk to…. I am a very opinionated human, I have been lucky enough to have a lot of life experiences, if you are fighting about something in your mind I may be able to help. I welcome any subject and come to you with an open mind. 

Lizzy 

You may leave a question for Mom and Aunt Kate, I will ask their advice for you over a cup of coffee, a warning, the answers will be blunt and real, and sometimes they might hurt your feelings, but they are always right…..