What is the difference?

My friend gave me a necklace that states on one side “Love the life you Live” and on the other side it says “Live the Life You Love”. It is a beautiful necklace, one of these pieces that you can wear with anything from a t-shirt to a go out on the town with your best girlfriends in your sexy stilettos type outfits. A piece that you are so proud to wear because your best newest girlfriend gave it to you. I left for a six day trip to Mexico with nine other girlfriends all the while the thought of this necklace kept coming to me as I was cocktailing it up with the people that I love, waiting to go home to the husband that I love, and looking forward to calling my family that I love, this necklace kept coming into my mind.

Over the last six, seven, maybe even eight years that it has taken me to find this place in my life, I am thinking about how it came to be this, how did I find a life that I love? How did I come to love the life I had, and when did they both meet?

So the thoughts about this keep coming. When did they come together, I try and try, but I cannot find exactly when it happened. Maybe it was when I chose not to be unhappy anymore, maybe it was when I started living day to day, not month to month anymore, or year to year, or mainly not living in the past anymore.

Was it when I started living like I was important or was it when I stopped taking myself so seriously?

Love the Life you Live?

To me this is a sexy way to say count your blessings. Look at all the love in your life and wrap your heart around each part of it and never forget what this universe has already given you. No matter how shitty your life is there is something good in this life and if there is nothing in sight, look harder, look broader, and if it still lost turn around, go the other way. Look up to see the sun, down to see the flowers, east to see the sun rise, and west to see the sunset, there is beauty for all of us, it is the choice to see it. You have that choice and I believe that is “Love the Life you Live” it is the choice to see the beauty.

Live the Life You Love?

Unlike the choice to see the beauty, I believe that this is choice, yes, just more detailed. This is about careful subtraction and addition and in that order. Living the life you love means taking away the things that make you unhappy, even if it means the removal of people, expensive things, or a not so dreamy job. Subtracting unhappiness was hard for me, I thought that losing something could never be better than having it, completely untrue. I removed myself from a marriage that was not happy, I lived in the perfect no frills flat, and I quit my job for a less stressful one, I continuously get rid of friends that are not positive, and I must say that there has been more gained from subtraction than there has been from addition. Although, once I had all of these distractions out of my life, it was much easier to add the things and people that count. I realized that as I lived without the things I did not want, it was easier to see the things that I loved and wanted around me, especially with people. So I guess making the choice to “Live the Life You Love” means to make choices that let you be happy, you get rid of the crap in your life, and overall you choose happiness. For instance I realized that having a garbage disposal is important to me, so is having friends that care what is going on with my life, or having respect at work, of having a husband that thinks that I am interesting, who I feel the same about, these are the things I learned by taking all the distraction away, cleaning the slate, and starting with a fresh canvas….. I am Living the life I love…

I have been grateful for this necklace and I choose to wear it often…..

My Heart is With You on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Walking down the road the other day my neighbor stopped to say hello. We commented on how we have not had much of a summer and how we had no idea what was going on in each others lives. We decided we needed some sort of a news letter, jokingly of course we said that he should write it, he responded “I am not the writer, you are”. I felt like looking behind me to see who he was talking to. Oh yeah, it was me, I like to write and in some circles I used to be known as the ever mysterious “writer”, a title I was always intimidated by, yet oddly drawn to. Well, grateful for the reminder that I do love to write, and for the boost of confidence that I can.

The last few weeks I have had my nieces for a week each, a gift in my life, also a reminder just how quick childhood flies by, not necessarily for the child, but for the hearts that surround that little human. These two are amazing, my sister is an outstanding mother, plus they have had all of us surrounding them with opinions, facts, jokes, and the occasional reprimand for their own good. I look at them and am shocked that just twenty years ago that was me, getting to know the world, hell that is me now.

They look at the world with such fresh eyes and each time I am around them I too change my perspective, a theory I have been working on for some time. Today my father in law said “She is so full of life, it makes you feel younger just being near her”. It does. I believe that children do make you see the earth in a much healthier way. It is all of a sudden fun to jump up and down for no reason, not to lose weight, just for fun? Opening yourself to just the idea that everything doesn’t need a reason, purpose, or end result, it can just be.

So, a warning, I plan to jump up and down for no reason from here on out! So if you see a crazy person on the sidewalk jumping, don’t think anything of it. It is just me, getting a grip.

I think that when we go through the “growing up process” we will commonly dispose of the quality that makes people great, our ability to look at each day like it is one of our firsts, to see things that are not there yet, to use our imagination.

“Owning a horse is simple, I will just win the lottery”, well, it probably statistically is not that easy, but it is much easier to have the carefree “matter of factness” that children often possess. What does that hurt? So often we are so afraid that our children will be disappointed that we slam down these thoughts, true or untrue on the ease of winning the lottery, why do we choose to forfeit dreams to avoid disappointment?

I can see if they refuse to do school work because they “plan” to win the lottery, or be a pro football player when they are scrawny, then you step into action, I am saying for the extras, the things that we know as adults are not critical, like a horse, a pool, the go cart, what ever it is. Stop avoiding disappointment, you will only be disappointed. Your child will eventually be afraid of disappointment and make their life choices accordingly. Yuck, more sheep, that is NOT what we need.

Do you ever just sit there and day dream? What would it hurt if you did? Why not?

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Writers Block is a very weird thing… It is not like constipation, because there is nothing there in some cases. I have not been able write for some months, someone asked me why I was not writing, they prefaced the question with the answer could not be “I don’t know, my answer came to me easily unlike most lies, I simply said, “I have nothing to say”. Truth is, I do have tons to say, it is more like the planes waiting to land, circling and circling, but never having permission to land, I have not given myself permission to land.

I think what has happened is that when I have something to say there is always something in the way, some mundane task that seems to take priority over my message. You know, like the ever important task of laundry or running out to hear another friend’s message, all the while mine is waiting, lurking, and eventually runs out of gas way before she ever gets to the “landing strip”, i.e. paper.

Maybe that is how all good intentions lost get undone. The daily routine budges in line and before we ever know it, it’s gone.

I do have something to say, a message to be heard, and today, she is called by me, the one who runs the show, to land.

My friend and I were talking the other day about scarcity and abundance. There are times in our lives that we have felt like we are lacking, there is just never enough, never enough love, time, money, food, or chocolate. You know the basics! Then other times we find ourselves overwhelmed with all of the same things, wedding days are full of love, a day here or there with nothing to do. Well, most people don’t find a lot of days with too much money, but hey, go into the dollar store, and all of the sudden the world is your oyster. There is Thanks Giving, where inevitably there is someone that points out the obvious “there is too much food here”. As for chocolate, I would say that may just be the exception for some, there can never be enough chocolate. Well, unless you eat a six pack of buster bars and can prove it by being paralyzed by the pain, but even then… Who knows? So the question I ask is why can’t every day be one of those special days?

Why as humans are we stuck in the mode of scarcity? Why do we always ask what we are missing instead of what is here?

A few years ago after listening to The Secret or some other self help book, they all seem to run together, I started asking myself instead of what was missing, what was not missing?

Even though looking back I really didn’t “have” all that much, I felt rich. In comparison to today I was not, today my life is so abundant, that sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe it is real. I am not sure that I feel any better. The old saying of “don’t count your chicken before they’re hatched” needs to have a little after statement, “but don’t be afraid to be thankful for the ones you’ve already got”.

The Dali Lama says that the key to being happy is being not only aware of what you’ve got but being grateful for it. It is the whole “want what you have”, what if that is the key to happiness, I know it has been for me, but what I want to know is does it work for everyone?   

Okay, so here is it, the straight talk I promised all of you as a friend. I have something that you are supposedly looking for, so I suggest you listen. If you choose not to, I am calling your bluff, you do not want happiness to begin with, you want the pursuit, you want the chase, but in fact you do not want to be happy.

Over the years, I admit, I have put myself in the position of giving advice, here especially, I have asked for all of your concerns and begged to give you solutions, and I have paid up, time and time again. I have been very lucky in the last few weeks to have been in contact with a lot of humans in the pursuit of happiness.    

I am noticing a trend. There seems to be so many that say “I just want to be happy”. I have heard that over and over, it is the one consistent longing that humans seem to have. There is just one problem, you want to be happy, but you are not willing to change ANYTHING to make yourself that way.

As this “solutions finder” that I have made myself I question “Do these people REALLY want to be happy, or are they just lacking in other conversation?”  

In so many of my conversations and correspondence I have offered the soft version of looking within yourself for fulfillment, changing your behaviors, and holding yourself accountable. This does not come easily I have reminded all.

Let me tell you, I hold the Holy Grail, right now, I am happy. I refuse not to be happy. I will allow nothing less than happiness. Here is how it works.

1)      Nothing makes you unhappy except not being grateful for what you have right now. – Come up with ten things a day to be thankful for, write them down.

2)      Is the glass half empty or half full? I have the answer to that simple question, it is not necessarily how you look at it or your perception, the way I look at it is

“If you are filling that glass or giving to the glass it is half full, if you are drinking from that glass or taking from it is half empty.”

 Stop trying to see what is being taken from you and start watching what you are giving to the world and maybe things will look a bit brighter. What the hell are you doing to make this world a better place? – Come up with something to do that doesn’t benefit you, DO IT!

3)      Stop bitching… Waste of time… - Don’t do it, it’s a waste of time, and more importantly energy

4)      Stop worrying… Waste of time… - This does not mean stop planning, planning and worrying about the future are two different things, here is an easy way to tell the difference. If it is positive, it is planning, if it is negative, it is worrying. There you go!

5)      If you ask for advice, take it, try it, because what you are doing is not working. If you simply want to “vent” describe it for what it is, venting is a waste of time, but some people need to do it. If you do not truly want advise, then stop wasting other peoples lives, if you do want it, be prepared to take it, and USE IT!

6)      Stop Blaming everyone for your problems. If you are over 20 years old, it is time to forgive your parents for not being perfect and move on. It is not your boss’s fault that you are unhappy, it is not your girlfriend or boyfriend, and it is not your friends fault. If someone has the power over you to make you unhappy, maybe you are giving them too much power? – If someone has the ability to ruin your day, admit that you are leaning too hard on them, then empower yourself by taking all the credit for your own happiness, and unhappiness.

7)      Your choice… You make a conscious decision everyday whether you want to be happy or not, happiness is a moment to moment thing, it is not a constant. You have to work for it. – Start looking for the beautiful things in life, point them out to you, and stop mentioning the ugly.

      Surround yourself with “solution finders” not problem “pointer outters”. I can find a million people out there that can name “problem after problem” but when I find someone that can step back, look at the problem, and start finding solutions, I have a PRODUCTIVE relationship. Remember, if you are standing still, you are not going anywhere. Get going. – If you are in a good mood and someone is not, tell them that their energy is going to affect your positive energy, if that does not change the way they are, get away from them. Ask people for solutions, not problems.

9)      Figure it out, do you want to search all of your life for happiness or do you want to live a happy life? Happiness is not something that is found, it is something that was never lost, and it is right with you all of the time, waiting for you to embrace it. – Stop looking for happiness, start being happy.

10)  Have a good day. You can only have it if you want it. – Say “I am having a good day” and don’t be a liar, definitely not to yourself. As a matter of fact, stop lying to everyone.  

Now, before you respond to me about all the BAD stuff that has happened to you, don’t bother, I can match you “bad for bad” and you most likely will not win, the difference is I am thankful for those adverse times and you are not. They got me to where I am today. I do not regret the past, I do not worry about the future, because neither really exists, it is today, this moment, and that I choose to be happy right now.

Some people ask me when they hear my story how I can be so happy? Here is what I tell them “Do you think that because I have had bad circumstances in my past that I deserve to suffer all my life for them? I will not.”   

I do not mean to sound self righteous, but the fact is, I am happy and you aren’t.  I love my life, I love my gifts, and I love me. No one but me is to take the credit for that and damn am I good…

My heart is with you on your journey.

Lizzy

Recently I have run into a few women that I have noticed a trend with. It has been startling to see how many of us out there NEED to be accepted by their parents. The problem with that sentence is NEED. It is natural to WANT people to “like” you, or accept what you are doing in your life.

Two of the women that I have talked to in the last week were facing the challenge of telling their mothers that they are with child. These ladies (who are in their thirties mind you) were so worried that they were losing sleep; I mean seriously, this was a “red zone case” as Caesar Milan would say. I will ignore for now what a waste of time worrying is and just talk about releasing the need for others approval.

Our parents have us, raise us, and release us into the world, all the while being proud and disappointed. Basically, by the time a parent has “done their time” they are used to both disappointment in themselves and in us as well as a sense of pride in themselves and their children. It is no question that there are no perfect parents or children in the world. As we take flight (on OUR OWN journey) we stay linked to these imperfect humans forever.

The challenge is to release into flight with only love strings attached. These are the people that love you as their child, but also love you as the only human being that they have influence in making. These are also the people that you have to thank or blame for who you are. Too many times we spend our lives trying to live up to the vision that our parents have for us, and find out too late that it is not our own vision, leaving us feeling resentful and lost. Keep in mind, when parents show disappointment sometimes, they are really showing their “ego”, they want to blame anyone but themselves for the act you are doing. After 18 years old, it is not them, it is you making choices, but sometimes they are unable to cut the apron strings.

Once you are off the books at home it is important to realize that this is our journey. It is also important to teach our children that acceptance is not a need, but a want, and if all else fails, disappointing another is much less important than disappointing ourselves.

I have a relationship with my parents, I call it friendship.

That being said; let us do our best to accept our parents for who they are, accept ourselves for whom we are, and require nothing from anyone but ourselves. If your parents don’t “like” you, IT IS OKAY, there is only a problem if YOU don’t like YOU. The only thing that I can say is lead by positive example. If you don’t like what they are, it is okay. You can still love someone without feeling admiration for who they are in their core. Someone can love you without agreeing with you.

I think that a lot of times we seem to place on others the unsure feelings we have within our own psyche, take ownership of those. If you find yourself blaming your unhappiness on someone like your parents, maybe it is you that is having a problem with the situation that you are in, therefore you need to change, not them.

Parents accept your children, at any age, disappointments and all, and maybe just maybe one day they will learn to accept your failures.

Which brings me to forgiveness…. There is not one person that I have ever talked to that has had a perfect childhood, close, but not perfect. We are all simply dysfunctional; the last perfect person that was on this earth, imperfect people hung on a cross, so it is not a bad thing that we are working from an angle of flaws. Since “those in glass houses should not throw stones” I encourage everyone to try to forgive our parents for the disappointments that they have created for us, learn from them what not to do, and be thankful that they taught you the lesson. It is the anger that is held for so long that handicaps our forward movement.

Lastly, forgive yourself for your imperfections, failures, disappointments, and down right wrong doings. It is you that is in this moment, and if you are better that you were yesterday, you are being a positive member of humanity. The three biggest wastes of time in life are guilt, worry, and anger, so quit wasting your precious time. Someone once told me that if you try to drive forward in your car, but are always looking in the rear view mirror, you are bound to hit something. Let us stop living in the past, let us forgive those who have screwed us over, and let us be better than we were yesterday, kinder, more loving, more forgiving, and more accepting.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

My friend Pete and I were IMing (communication is so weird these days) yesterday and we brought up the subject of what makes someone a better friend than others? Our criterion was completely different. I have decided to ask my friends what you believe makes a “friend” a “friend”. Who knows better than the people I consider my friends?

Janice and I were then talking about the same thing last night, we thought this would be a perfect subject for Lets Coffee Talk.

Could you please tell me the 5 attributes that you look for in a “friend” and why, this will give me some data to help others become a better friend to everyone else. It will also allow me to become better.

What do you consider the top FIVE qualities of a “GOOD” friend and WHY?  

This has been a difficult post for me, not only have I taken time out to sort out my own impulses but I have talked to several other people for their opinions of this story. From my own frame of mind, there are several issues that the story hits on in which I question “is this really good?” Yet, I do realize that the post is really about giving and Christmas rather than charity. Therefore, I am going to skip over the multi-layer complexities of charity; forgetting all conversations and impulses that I might have had; and simply express what I think gifting is all about.
A gift towards someone is recognition of the person and an expression of how you feel towards them. In other words-“this is how well I know you and this is how I feel about you.” A symbolic presentation of what you think of the relationship, which the true currency is effort. Money, status, presentation and time are all but extended and distracting values, it is the thought that counts, which when acted on produces effort. That is why I always move away from things that are too material, (jewelry, electronics, and such.) towards things that are more symbolic and says I know you. I gave a globe to my girlfriend for her birthday, I gave her the world. I have given joke presents that have made my family laugh, (never exploiting the receiver of the gift. Unfortunately, I have seen a gift that makes the receiver a butt of a joke; that is so tactless.) I have given gifts that people needed but knew they would never get around to getting. I have given labor and I have given love, a gift is nothing more than a symbol of that.

Peter

A wonderful Christmas story. Regardless of your faith, you have to feel good about our capacity for compassion. After reading her initial email, I couldn’t help but feel compelled to give, as did the woman in the store. When I heard about this story and the immediate help offered by those around her I was once again reminded that our world is a place of abundance, not scarcity.

When I feel that the world is a place of scarcity, I feel sad, isolated and malaise. I take for granted all the beautiful things this world serves up on a platter for me every day.

When I feel the world is a place of abundance, even life’s biggest challenges feel like gifts in ugly disguises.

By sharing what can only be called a sad situation with her friend, she probably didn’t know it at the time, but she was actually giving something. She may not have been in the ideal position to give her children the christmas she wanted, but she gave her friend the opportunity to help, and gave us all the opportunity to learn a lesson.

Thanks for the lesson and Merry Christmas

Respect & Love,

J

I recently received a forwarded email about a woman that of late rediscovered what Christmas is really about, for the last few years she has hustled and bustled just like everyone else trying to get the exact amount of gifts for all her children, made sure it was enough to impress them on Christmas morning, all the while praying that it would be adequate to satisfy her beautiful children the morning of Christmas Day.

Reading this email brought me to tears, I know this woman as a friend of my sister’s who for all encounters has been nothing but kind, even in demeanor. To hear the pain in her words was immense; she had found an opportunity to examine herself and with the results was very disappointed. Instead of calling for excuses or blames she decided to share her failure as a Christian in hopes of not only changing her ways but allowing others to self analyze unselfishly through her own misguided and corrected journey. The story she told was of a family that was to have no Christmas. It still makes me feel somewhat choked up by her lack of ego, so I felt compelled to write on.

In telling this story we have seen the human heart open wider than ever expected, my sister was shopping for these little children on a very tight budget, while she was deciding between two shirts a stranger struck up a conversation, my sister ended up telling the story of this family and why she was having such a hard time picking the perfect gifts, the woman reached in her purse and offered her own gift to this foreign family. She never questioned once whether they deserved help or if she was the one that was obligated to take care of them. Just gave with an open heart. Sounds like Christmas to me!      

As you all know, I am not Christian, but I do believe that Jesus walked our earth, I do believe that he was a beautiful leader, I believe that he is someone we should all follow with our behaviors to our human race, therefore I believe in Christmas. I think we cannot receive the beauty of this earth until we give beauty to it and I know that love cannot be received, just given. In turn, we must give this Christmas, to strangers, to friends, to enemies, to the human race, just as Jesus called for.  

Giving does not necessarily mean that you have to get the latest Nintendo for your children, but give them the gift of knowing how to give to others, they will not be happy in their lives for the long term always having the best of the best, but they will be content in their lives if you teach them that it feels better to give than receive.

Have you ever heard that someone is buying you a gift for Christmas and rushed out to get them one? Come on, why are we giving? To receive? Please tell me “no”!

This begs the questions, what are we teaching our children about Christmas? What does Christmas mean to you? Why do you celebrate Christmas? How do you want your children’s children to view Christmas? Where is the love in Christmas?

If Christmas is just an exchange of goods on December 25^th for you, I am here to ask you, WHY?

If you walk around stressed about Christmas to come, maybe you are not giving for the right reason. I have erased the names on this email below, just to protect anyone’s feelings, please read it, for Christmas’s sake.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Last night as I rushed into church in a hurry and deposited my son in his class, I came upon a situation that cut straight to my heart. In my excitement to get to class I almost overlooked my friend who was sitting quietly in a chair with her face covered, trying not to cry. I suppose as I hurried past I didn’t really expect an answer when I politely threw out “Hey nice to see you. How’s it going?”.

I stopped dead in my tracks when she lifted her head and replied “Not good, Not good at all”. As I turned to look at her my selfish heart sank because I knew once again I wouldn’t be making it to the adult class. I now realize God had a much bigger lesson he wanted to teach me.

My friend told me the past year has been a rough one (join the crowd right?) She left her abusive husband of 16 years because she was afraid her kids were starting to receive the heavy side of her husband’s hand. She has lived off and on with several friends the past year and her current situation is not the best (I’m leaving out details on purpose). Her soon to be ex-husband has gotten into Meth so she has had to go to court to stop his visitation rights. Her current significant other just got laid off from his job and because of the timing will not receive a check for unemployment until after Christmas. My friend actually said she wondered if she had hurt her kids more by leaving their abusive father.

This year there will be no presents for her son and daughter. She said she had faced tough times before. There had been years when Christmas was slim but this year Christmas just wasn’t going to be. It really hit her when she came into church and saw all the decorations and the angel tree. She really felt like her actions had ruined Christmas for her kids. She’s afraid of all the things her kids have endured their life long memory is going to be the year they didn’t have a father for Christmas and any presents.

I of course mentioned the angel tree program, the salvation army, and other charitable organizations. She said she was too late. There are deadlines for those places and she realized too late that there would be no money for presents. Her boyfriend had promised her his last check before Christmas would be for Christmas shopping. There is no check coming and she has not bought anything. I assured her we could find an answer and hustled off to class.

It wasn’t until I got home that the weight of what my friend told me really hit. Last night the boys and I dug out our favorite ornaments and hung them on the tree. We talked about all the programs, parties, and Christmas to come for us. We wrote letters to Santa and decided what to buy my husband for Christmas.

Hours later my husband and I set checking our lists for presents bought and presents yet to buy. All the time my friend and her little family were tugging at my heart. I had decided I would get her kids a few items and secretly give them to her.  As I looked at the list of things we were getting the boys I felt a huge lump growing in my stomach. Here I was worrying if the dozen or so presents we bought the kids would be enough and my friend had nothing to count. I thought about all the Christmases when I panicked at the last minute and run from store to store buying whatever just so the kids would think they had a good Christmas. What had Christmas turned into for my family? Did the number of gifts really matter?  Was finding and giving the perfect gift the ultimate pleasure for me? Was I ruining Christmas for my kids by focusing on the wrong thing?

I hardly slept last night. My friend’s words kept coming back to me. “I was too late”.  Am I too late as well? My son has a friend he’s been asking to invite to church. I keep telling him we will when we’re less busy. What if I’m busy until Christ comes? What if I get to heaven and I stand before God and have to hang my head and say “Not good, not good at all” because I didn’t take the time to bring 1 more person to know His Saving Grace.

For the past 18 hours or so I’ve been wrestling with what to do about my friend’s family and my own. I still plan on helping my friend get some gifts for her kids. (Anyone else who wants to contribute please let me know.) As for my family we are going to have a long discussion this evening about how much God has done for us and what gifts we can give back to him this year. I wish I could go back a few years and stick to my parents tradition of 3 gifts. I hope it’s not too late for me to change Christmas for my family - as well as give a little love to my friend and her family.

As the pace quickens the next few weeks and we rush from function to function I hope we can keep the focus on God’s precious gift of eternal salvation that came down to us in the form of a baby.  

Yesterday while having Brunch with a dear friend I came across a subject that many of us have come into in our lives. You meet, fall in love, day by day you get closer, you intertwine your lives, things go beautifully for days, weeks, and sometimes years, and then the unthinkable happens, you grow apart, you realize that you were not mean to share your days with this person, and the inevitable happens, you break up.

Somewhere in this tangled mess, sorting out what emotions are mine, what are yours, and what should just be let go as a sacrifice to the “love gone bad God” is hard, really hard. The problem lies in The Break-up-er and The Break-up-ee, both difficult spots to be in, one powerful, one powerless, but the constant is, neither are easy. For the “Break-up-er” you feel like you are giving up, you feel guilty, you are calling the game, throwing in the towel, quitting. For the “Break-up-ee” you feel rejected, given up on, and powerless, he or she does not want you anymore, you have failed.

Basically, we have got two Ego’s, running amuck, and when the Ego drives the car, there is sure to be a wreck.

First, Emotional Separation. This seems to be the most difficult step of the process, when you got together you were separate beings, for years and years you went on with your days without knowing what this certain person was doing, how they were feeling, who they were feeling it with, why they felt one way or the other, but now, it is difficult to go back to the feeling that you have felt for the majority of your lifetime.

Yet, it is hard to go back to that time, a free time.

You cannot forget this person, they themselves have done one of two things, they have either taught you, what you do want in a mate, or what you don’t want, usually the ladder of the two, but I think that moving on, it is key to put them in one of the two categories.

For the “Break-up-er” having confidence in your decision will allow you to feel like you have done the “Break-up-ee” some sort of favor (which is true) he or she will now be free to find love that is more to his or her liking. That should be a honorable decision, one not to feel guilty for, or even like you are a quitter. See, not playing a game that you know you have no chance of winning is called smart. Unless you are just playing the game for fun, and love is no game to play for fun, not long term at least.

For the “Break-up-ee” having faith in yourself, that you are lovable, loving, and powerful allows you to walk away with the knowledge that one day someone will be able to love you on your terms. When insecurity leaks into your ship, you sink, and the only way to stop it is to stop blaming (yourself or the other) and start accepting, accept that this is not what you want (why would you?). When someone no longer wants to be with you, that is their problem, not yours, and it is not your job to fix anyone. Fixing someone else is impossible, you control fixing yourself, and that is the power you have.

Now, I have seen this go to extremes, people start screaming at one another, calling names, blaming, threatening (all the things one does in a desperate situation), but why? Why do we allow ourselves to be these ugly people?

Answer? EGO

When you step back, take a look at what has happened, realize that there were good times, bad times, boring times, hectic times, laughter, tears, and final decisions you realize this is just a chapter of your life, some chapters are longer than others, but this one is coming to a conclusion, you can end it the way it began, hopeful, and forward looking, not brutal, ugly, angry, and desperate.

Friendship?

History will show that a friendship after a lover-ship is almost impossible. To untangle that emotional ball that you call a relationship takes separation. Therefore, for a while, no friendship is obtainable until you are completely healed, could take a lifetime, could take a year, who knows, you will when you are ready. You need friends when you break-up, just not the person you were in a relationship with to help you get through it. Like I said, unraveling the strings of a love gone bad can be messy, and the last person you need is the one who made the mess with you cleaning it up, the mess will just get worse, trust me, seen it too many times.

No calls, no visits, no talks, no favors, for as long as it takes to get you in a place that you are thankful for the relationship as it was, comfortable with being out of the relationship, and relaxed with the person you are without him or her. Don’t drunk dial him or her, have a plan that if you do have too many wines or beers, you have a designated friend to call. Keep yourself busy.

Why does it feel so good to get into the relationship and so bad getting out of it? Should we not celebrate the experience, while holding our dignity high? Why do we let our Ego control what our mind and heart should be in charge of?

In the Eagle’s song, Wasted Time, they speak about the girl that felt like she had wasted her time on a relationship… What if it wasn’t wasted time? What if it was just time, learning what you did or didn’t want? Would that be a comfort?

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy           

Prop 8, Gay marriage was shut out in California, and continues to be shut out continuously around our Country. Church and State are not supposed to be mixed, shaken, or stirred here in America, land of the quilted lifestyle. Yet, there seems to be a hitch or constant hitches.

I believe that there is a place for Church in our communities, they are even welcomed with Tax Exemptions because of the work they do as far as charity and kindness for humanity. I am having a hard time understanding that while they reap the benefits of having the freedom to practice their own religions in our country, they feel that in this same country others should not have the same rights. I am not Gay, just an American, or just a human being really, and I do not understand how these lines keep crossing.

If it says in the Bible that God doesn’t want you to be gay and you have faith in the Bibles words, FINE, don’t be gay yourself, but when you start to say other people cannot under the American Constitution, I believe that you are being Un-American. Bucking the Constitution in which this country was founded on, in which it has been made great; you are saying that you no longer want to be protected under our laws. What if tomorrow it was illegal for you to be married to your husband or wife? You are saying that it is okay for American law to do that.   

Keep your Church out of my State, I say that with kindness and sincerity, you are not in charge of these peoples souls, if they will go to hell because they wanted to marry their love (and you believe that), that is their priority. I say, GODSPEED to everyone that thinks that they are ready for marriage…. There are so many things that Jesus would do out there, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, love the unloved, provide hope to the hopeless, teach tolerance to the hateful, and encourage kindness in a world that seems cruel. With all this to do, the last thing on the Christian mind should be stopping a certain type of love, right? Until these are all taken care of, let us start prioritizing the sheer desperate need in this “beautiful county”.

My Heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Pete,

I am going to write to each of the points that you brought up, within you beautiful letter, then I would also like to ask your permission to Post your letter on Letscoffeetalk, because I think it is perfect.

I did try to keep Politics off of Letscoffeetalk for so long because I really wanted to focus on a more raw way of getting things done. There are times that I am in a position of questioning my failure or successes with my project of “changing the world for the better”, but I remind myself that making one humans day brighter is a success that goes beyond all of my conception. When you figure one day can be so important, especially if it would be my last, I look at everyday as my only day, no yesterdays and no tomorrows, it is the only day I have. My job is done and just beginning all the time.

I believe that we have a unique relationship in that we have no why’s just is’s. This has allowed both of us to see the beauty within each other without fogging it up with grey matter. I would like to get to know more of my friends in this way, like seeing the core of an apple before the bruises and skin. I suppose I am an oxymoron; there are so many contradictions that ones mind would spin into circles if one would let it.

I recognize that because I don’t believe in endings or beginnings just changes, I believe that this is just another step, there has been many leading to this crossroad, and there will be many more intersections ahead. I will not stop, never, and I will encourage others to change with the change.  You are right; we must move with urgency, this is our time to make a difference.

 Well, there is so many ways to “change” the world; my favorite is making peoples days a bit better one at a time, through kindness and understanding. Our perspective needs to be “changed” to seeing beauty not fear or negativity. Giving compliments, smiles, and little tiny gestures of humanity is the way to make the biggest difference in the most efficient way. Not asking people to agree with me, but asking myself to be alright with disagreement. The abortion topic or any other will always be there, but if I decide to make it a wall between myself and others, I will not move closer to anyone, just further away. There is so much grey area; I have no right to be black and white.

As for our next generation, the only way we can make the promise to our children is to lead by positive example, and show them how, and guide them. I have faith in our children because I have faith in us. Symptoms are taught to our children, but they can be positive rather than negative. Molly and Alex have seen me give love to a stranger, and in turn they will give love to a stranger.

I believe that when we wake up, we have a choice to either be in hell or in heaven, in peace or at war, it is all a moment to moment choice, as we start to guide our perception to peace, and actively seeking it, we will instantly become a happier people. We are Powerful, more than we give ourselves credit for being, more than our government knows, it is time to be positively powerful, as we all make that shift there will be a more successful world as a whole, but this takes one person at a time, making a conscious effort to see the world in this moment as peaceful, loving, and good.   

Nader saved one life and that is something. Do I agree with that law, of course not, but I believe that if that were my son or daughter, I would be thankful for what he did.  See we don’t have to agree to see the beauty in what someone is doing.

There are so many ways to make someone’s life better, sometimes it is cleaning out their closet, and other times it is understanding a woman’s choice to kill her unborn child, it is a huge field of empathy and in some cases sympathy, it is a willingness to sit with someone, just to be there. We are not Jesus Christ (or whom ever you look to for guidance) so the best thing we can do, is take the moment given to us as humans and react like we should. All the unkindness in the world is just a result of knowing we can be that way; know that we can be kind too.  

I know that you would NEVER attack me; I know that you are asking me these questions to ensure that I have thought of these, and answered them in my own mind. I have not failed, if I save one moment a day of someone else’s, my success is huge. I have not sent myself on this journey, nor have you; we are on this journey together just the same. We are all on this journey together, and the ones that don’t know that they are on it yet, are just a few steps behind, it is our job to grab their hand and help them along.  

My Heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

To my dear friend Liz,

Congratulations!  Our man won the white house.  I think it’s funny how you tried keep out of politics within coffeetalk, but it still slipped in.  I figure anyone who boasts that they are creating a web forum to change the world, could not stay out of politics.  Especially at this time.  I also read some of your MySpace blogs where you gave yourself some more freedom with your beliefs.  I think you have done a wonderful job in both of those arenas.  Based on my own experience, I am sure that that there have been times for you that are beyond “challenging” and more “trying.” Where you ask yourself if what you are attempting to do will ever work or succeed.  Which leads to questioning yourself, if it is all worth it?  Let me tell you something, it is worth it; simply because we have to do it.  Unfortunately, it is a job that is never accomplished, there is always more to do.  The Putman books puts it correctly, “there will always be a war between authority and reason, between ignorance and wisdom.”  I think cops fighting against “evil” for “good” have an easier job than what it is you are even thinking of doing. 

This really has brought me to two questions in which I wish to ask you.  There are several things, as our relationship has grown, which I wonder about.  Yes we are close, but we mostly communicate between emails and the forum-which reveals our direct thoughts and passions, yet remove the day to day; which we are more apart of.  So, even though we are close and dear to each other, because we perhaps reveal an “inner side” of selective thoughts (you have no idea that I am a complete ASS when I wake up, which is very difficult to deal with if you have to get grocers at 9 o’clock)have that intimate yet vague understanding of each other.  This is a way for me to say that I feel close and love you as a person, but there is a part of me that knows we have kept things from each other; for later, when we feel more comfortable.  Anyway that is not the point of my questions; but rather, for the last few months, this is what has been plaguing me about you (because you are one of those people who one question can last several months.)

The Direct Question.

Do you consider this a first step or the final step?  You have been active in getting a man elected to president.  This election has change the tactics, with an unprecedented method of getting people to work together, on their own initiative to back a man to lead us.  We have not elected a man to do the job for us, but rather to lead us to do the job.  There is plenty of work, sacrifice, and mistakes to make for each and everyone of us.  I hope you are ready not just to carry on, but to do more, you do not the type to quit just now.

The More Abstract Question

Just how do we change the world?  Do we just change people towards way of thinking, having them think like us makes us feel better?  If everyone agreed with me, my life would be better.  I hope that if we truly looked within ourselves, we would be able to acknowledge the desire for that, yet be pragmatic enough to look beyond it.  Which still leaves the question unanswered.  Do we solve the symptoms of a problem, like “how long can a woman go to term before getting an abortion?” or “what is the age in which a girl should tell her parents?” or find the deeper meaning that “each situation is so diverse to another, along with their personal burdens and potential futures that, no true regulation can possibly define that potential, which leaves only a choice of that of the mother.” You see, when you start really looking at the question it changes from HOW to WHAT. Because HOW only solves the now, we can change someone’s view right now, but what about the next generation? Will it stick? Will someone else have to do our job for us? If we can change WHAT then we hit upon the belief systems that will be taught to their children.  This is a simple question to pose, yet quiet complex within its nature and forever moves us farther into the abstract.  Despite what we would hope for, we must consider what we as humans are capable of.  We have to look at the evidence as to what is within our nature, (I do not hope for peace on earth, it is not with our nature at this time, all I can look forward to is a time when it can be truly within our hope.) 

You see, I know the quest you have put yourself on.  Although we have been on different paths to arrive at this point, we seek the same goal.  Now is the time to look at what that goal really is.  Ralph Natter passed legislation requiring Americans to wear seat belts, although several lives were saved-did he really do anything?  I think you want to change the quality of life, not by having a name brand in your home, but rather a better way of thinking.

I hope that you understand that these are questions in which you have to answer for yourself, not directly to me.  Additionally, that they are not attacks on what you are doing or your success, but rather, a way for you to become more precise and effective. 

Love from a concerned friend,

Pete

This morning I awoke early, as I always do, but today, I woke to find a new day, one that looks beautiful, and although some of my loved friends still have their “problems” I will only offer solutions, and I will not take it to my heart if they are not willing to jump on the solution horse with me. I hopped  out of bed, threw some water on my face, made that key first pot of coffee, and while it was brewing I sat with myself, meditated for ten minutes, stretched for five minutes, and thought to myself, “Wealth, Health, and Abundance for all, but first, for me”.

As I was telling my number one coffeetalker about my step forward, she said a statement that made me laugh and think at the same time…

“You are not a train, You are a Car, you can turn at anytime, even all the way around, You have brakes, and gas, You must constantly be aware of when and how to use both, and if You are unsure of where to go, it’s always best to ask for directions”- Mom

She still amazes me, its funny after thirty-one years of lessons, she always gives perfect direction.

If you are not on the right track, sometimes stopping, getting an idea of where you want to go, and even asking for directions will get you to an even better place than you had anticipated, today I am in a better place than I thought I could be…. 

My Heart is with You on your Journey,

Lizzy

My heart is with you on this journey…. I always say this in closing, but today I give you my heart at the beginning, and here is why, when I open my heart to the world it is open, so on this particular journey I hope you come to the world open and if you need to borrow my heart to do it, so be it yours.

About five years ago, I moved from my home town, from my family, my life long friends, everything that I knew to a new start, a beginning. The fear was only shadowed by the longing for something greater, something unknown, but almost like “faith”, I knew it was out there (or in there), I couldn’t describe how exactly I knew, but my heart was telling me to go, and so I went.

For the first few months (eight to be exact) I met the first and truest of my new friends, me. I had never known myself without the influence of others, nor did I ever long to know me. For this time, I went to work, came home, night after night the same thing. I didn’t have cable, I didn’t have the internet, I had me and my heart, and my brain finally introduced the two of us. This was my biggest growth step, it was fast and furious, I realized that I, too, had a story, for so long being in sales, trained to pull everyone else’s life history out in the shortest amount of time possible, never really telling my tale, only sharing bits and pieces (the ones I thought would work best for their comfort). So for these days I “probed” myself. Basically what I was doing was walking into someone’s home (mine) that I didn’t even know, and I was talking to her, figuring out what she liked, what she didn’t like, what her dreams were, and what her fears were, and when I was done, I loved her.

 Of course I had acted like I loved me for years, if anyone described me before this transition it would probably be “full of myself”, or “cocky”, when in fact, I was lost, I was a liar, and I pretty much “sold” myself to everyone I had ever met, not knowing what or who I was selling to anyone.

This time period was not a comfortable one, it was best described as feeling your way clear through a house in the dark searching for a light switch. It was scary and kind of exciting in a haunted house kind of way, but when that light switch was flipped, there was no turning back, I could see things so clearly, I could see me.

The reason I am telling everyone about this is I truly don’t believe that until you have made friends with yourself, until you can sit with you, are you capable of sitting with others. I had never been a true friend to anyone, never been anything but a lie to everyone. I painted the scenery the way I wanted it to look, not the way it was, and until I became comfortable with the way my scenery looked, for real, I really never shared my existence with anyone.

Until you can shamelessly look in the mirror you cannot see the world with honor.

I remember THAT day so clearly. I had gone to get my bi-weekly manicure and pedicure, “my big outing”, and I was driving back to my house when I realized I was ready to meet new people, prepared to start landscaping around this home that I had created within myself. I drove past my “hide away” and pulled into the local pub for a drink. I figured it was time for people to enjoy me as I had been learning to do  for months. I had forgiven all (including myself) and I was ready to let them in. I sat down, and friends came, and came, and came, and are still coming. Sure, I have to weed my garden every now and then, but more times than not, they are beautiful flowers that make everyday brighter.

The reality is the more confident I am with my heart the more comfortable it becomes to let people into it. Today I am so at ease with me; I have become so strong over the last five years just by letting me into my heart, and then letting others in.

My suggestion for you today is to gather a new friend from somewhere, even if it happens to be yourself. Keep gathering friends after that. You can have too much money, too many things, too much space, too much time, but never can you have too many friends. Especially when your truest friend lies within yourself!

My Heart Is With You on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Liz~

I could not agree more with your thoughts during your gathering. Taking the time to simply ask questions and having an open mind to understanding a different point of view will quickly become enlightening and intriguing.
In regards to your friend, I also agree that the best thing to do for her or anyone making a life changing decision is to simply listen, support, and help her paint a picture of where she sees herself in the future. All while encouraging her to make a choice that will put her in the “future” picture that she painted for herself. Giving some advice is only going to work if they are open to receiving it and that can only happen if they know where they would like to be at the end of the journey.
I remember a friend of mine that was in a relationship that was unhealthy and truely stiffling her potentential as a person. Now I truely take zero credit for the choices that she made, but I do know and take pride in the fact that I was just there for her each week in that local diner where we simply listening to each other and encouraged one another to make choices that were best for us. For a couple of twenty- somethings meetings really gave us a better understanding of our lives and our direction. One weekly meeting at the diner resulted the same passionate, energetic, and enlightening conversation. I make my way to the restroom and when I returned, I returned to a woman who made a diffcult but necessary choice to end a relationship that was not part of the “future” picture that she had painted for herself over our many weekly outings.
Having a friend to sit down with over a cup of coffee who will not judge, but encourage and bring clarity to our chaotic lives is invaluable. You are not only receiving the support but it is also rewarding when you are giving it.

I always say that it is easier to see the big picture and the root of the problem when you are on the outside looking in, so having a coffee talk friend to help find and lead you to that clarity is priceless.

Your site is a perfect reflection of you and the person that I have had the privelage of knowing and calling a friend. I am happy to know that more people have the opportunity to share this side of you.

Thank you for being my coffee talk friend Liz. - Heather

When I made this category months ago, I knew I wanted the pieces to be something that would somehow simplify this “overwhelming” process. I had to do some research to see what I did specifically, and what those I have always found “classy” do to make this less complicated. So over the last few months I have collected behaviors that either “turn on” or “turn off” the etiquette “vibe”.

Etiquette has NOTHING to do with money, nothing to do with royalty, and is not unachievable by anyone. It is simply a standard in which you hold yourself and others accountable. For the most part etiquette and manners lead us through everyday events, and remind us to be thoughtful of ourselves and others….. Etiquette doesn’t sound like a bad word to me.

1) Make each other comfortable…..

My Aunt Kate has always been very good at making someone feel “okay” about what ever they feel uncomfortable about. Whether it is what she is wearing or what she has chosen for her life’s career. She has always been able to find some way to have a common ground. She has always put Value in others (whether they deserved it or not), which has made others long to be around her. That sounds like something small, but look at it this way, when people long to be around you, you always feel special. Who doesn’t want that?

I was recently at a gathering, I had nothing in common with anyone there, I let people talk about what was important to them, why it was important to them and so on and so forth….. On and on, and before I knew it, I was having a great time. I wasn’t thinking about me, just them, and I didn’t regret it. I didn’t agree with half the things most were saying, but I didn’t feel any “drive” to tell them they were right or wrong. Why do we feel it is always our battle to fight? Let some people learn for themselves.

I have a friend that is addicted to alcohol. Anyone who has had this has either been let down, inconvenienced, disappointed, or negatively effected; it just goes with the territory. People have tried, myself included to “help” with her disease, it’s a “no go”. To me, it is worth it to still be her friend, hoping one fine day, no more worries, until then, I protect myself. BUT, I don’t take on the burden of fixing her, a fix that will not work until she starts fixing herself; I let her live her life, accepting the good and the bad. I guess that’s what I am saying…. ACCEPT the good the bad and most of all the different….

Going back to what I have done over the years, I think back to a time where I fought all the battles. If you were something I wasn’t, you were wrong, if you were something I was, you were right. Life was that cut and dry. Now looking back, I was a work-a-holic, right wing, know it all, that happened to be the “best” at everything I did (only because I did things I was good at), I was not close to my family, had almost no friends, and couldn’t stand most humans, all by choice, and if that sounds “right” to any of you, maybe you need to take as close of a look at yourself as I had to.

Times changed. Life humbled me with a divorce, and slowly but surely I was alone, on purpose. I sat down and realized that I was all wrong….. And that meant that for years I had thought everyone else was wrong, and “HOLY CRAP”, I had misjudged a lot of people. It was me that didn’t open my mind to the possibility that there are several different rights….. There are far more “rights” in the world than “wrongs”….. Hell, I thought divorce was wrong for years, and no one could have been proven more wrong than I was.

There are different ways to get from the beginning of your life to the end….. But we all somehow manage it, every single one of us…

More to come……

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

To place more value on one life than another is to put yourself in the position of being God. And that’s a position that none of us would really want to be in if we really think about it.
To put more value on one peoples lives than another peoples lives, is a simple and cruel person’s way to justify war and the loss of life that will result.
To place equal value on all lives is the enlightened person’s challenge that leads to peace and harmony. This is the road that is roughest to travel, but the only road to the possibility of hope.

This reminds me of my daughters. I can not describe them as delicate creatures, but wonderful beings. Anyway, back to my story. A couple of months ago I hear a “thud” followed by a scream… 1st daughter had punched 2nd daughter square in the back. ( I still haven’t hear the truth about why) My response is to separate, check to make sure 2nd daughter is not horribly injured, and follow up with a punishment for 1st daughter… And here is the kicker. 2nd Daughter threw herself between 1st daughter and I determined that NOONE and I mean NOONE will hurt her sister, even if the spanking is a punishment for the brutal attack on her! Again. You can do anything to your sister/friend, but don’t let anyone else even look sideways at them.-Kate

This is a letter I sent to my sister……

Dear Katie,

Inspired by your Birthday tomorrow I sat down to think of the last twenty-nine years of knowing Kathryn Jill, or as I have always known you as “my baby sister”, I felt compelled to let you know just how important you have been in my everyday life.

I cannot remember the first eighteen months of my life even when I try very hard, my first memories of my existence you were part of me, and although it has been said that when you were brought into this world I wasn’t very happy about your arrival, I cannot recall those thoughts nor would I want to conceive ever thinking them. You have been a part of me since I was introduced to myself, and without you I have never known, and never will. You are me, and I am you, and that will always be; for I know nothing without you in me.

You were my first best friend, and a true best friend you have remained. Although, I have never completely rapped my mind around the concept, you taught me what I know today about sharing. As children and as adults, if you feel pain, I share your pain, as you take mine. We share secrets, successes, failures, and feelings, and in the end I know that it is you, my dearest friend, that I will, for my entire life, share my life as it has and always will be that way. 

You were my first enemy, and what a remarkable enemy you were. Through the injuries and screaming and bloodshed, it has been you that taught me to forgive, and you that humbled me first. When the wars ended and the battlefield was cleaned up, it was you that I always had on my side, and we have remained our fearless loyal soldiers standing beside each other. We have fought and won and always will fight to the death for each other. You taught me to be true.  I will remain your advocate as it has and always will be that way.

Although it seems that we have taken two different paths in life, we travel those paths together. I have never been lonely because you are always with me and I will always be with you. I have never known life without you.

Tears stream down my cheeks when I write to you because I cannot imagine myself without you. You continuously make me a better human being. I thank you for loving me all of your life, I would be lost without you, for I am not me with out you, “my baby sister”.  Happy Birthday

Forever,

 “SISSY”   

Making Friends with Emotions

When I was just eighteen, a child really, I had a tragedy, a bad one….

Thinking back, I realize that my world, or the world that I knew, my family and friends, sat holding their breath to see what I would end up like. Would I lose my mind? Would I become a nothing? Would my spirit disappear? They were all so careful with me, walking on eggshells, not to disturb what could possibly be a ticking time bomb of emotional dysfunction ready to blow at anytime.   

Now, back then keep in mind, the most beautiful part of being young is that you have no idea of what you are capable of or more importantly NOT capable of. I made friends with grief, sorrow, and confusion; they were the most honest of pals.

Grief, Sorrow, and Confusion were my best friends for about ten years. They kept me moving; actually it was closer to running all the time. I loved them, I gripped onto the three of them like a pacifier, and they were the foundation of my adulthood. Kind of like your college roommates, your first memories of being independent and free always have their faces in the stories, for me, my stories begin and end with them right by my side. They kept me real in my mind, as long as I had them to cling to, I would always be safe.

I remember on my twenty-first birthday, when my family and friends swarmed around me with joy and happiness, and I should have been partying along side of them I turned to my three amigos; Grief, Sorrow, and Confusion. They were secret friends, they weren’t public figures, but in the silent moments, they would wrap around me like vines, and I loved them. See, I could not see, that by letting them go, happiness, joy, and understanding would stand by my side. It was too scary to live with out them; I didn’t even realize how much I relied on them, until I let them go.

When I moved out of the town I had grown up in, to a town I knew no one, one husband short, in with a stranger (me) I realized pretty quickly that I had a few toxic relationships in my life. I was without the family and friends that lovingly watched and tip toed around me, I left a pretty dysfunctional marriage, and there was some seriously bad company that I was keeping within myself. Something had to change, me.

So, I got screwed when I was eighteen, life handed me a knife when I should have been handed a spoon, how long is the sentence that I will allow myself to serve for being dealt rags, when I had no idea I was playing poker?  

They had to go, I had put my time in, and I had allowed them to run my entire life secretly. I picked the man I married who was miserable, because I was miserable. I had kept my family at bay, to protect them from my friend Pain. I had thrown myself into work, into a place that had no emotion, so I did not have to face my “emotional friends” for fifteen hours a day. I had imprisoned myself for all these years.

I realized by keeping these feelings, I had not allowed myself to get past my past. I was stuck there, in the Tri-City of Grief, Sorrow, and Confusion, and the only way to get out was to break-up with my friends, send them packing, tell them something to get out of this toxic relationship, and so I said “I want a divorce from all of you”.

I had been through a real divorce, and now it was time to end it all, all the unhappiness had to pack its bags and leave me.

I laid on my couch for three days strait; crying. Letting something go no matter how unhealthy it may be is hard, but I didn’t have any idea what I would be left with when you took away the three driving forces in my life.

The phone rang, the door bell rang, emails poured in, and I never moved, I needed the world to go on without me for a little bit of time. I needed one last good bye with my friends, one last hurrah. My eyes were swollen, my teeth un-brushed, my hair was an abstract art form, but slowly I dragged my pathetic ass into the shower, I washed the years of infectious obsession out of my mind, and when I flung that shower curtain open, three new friends were waiting for me, Happiness, Joy, and Understanding.

Sometimes you just have to fire a friend, and so I did.

To my beautiful friends….. Happiness….. Joy….. Understanding…. May You NEVER LEAVE MY SIDE……