I fall in Love everyday.

The purpose of my life is to love. Love is a strange misused word I believe, sometimes we use it to say that we like some “thing”, occasionally we use it as in a sarcastic way of saying we “loath” something or an action of someone. Sometimes we even use it to, describe the way we have treated something or someone…..  And in some cases we make love, by giving ourselves to another in a sexual way.

Love, luv, vt (loving loved). To regard with affection, to like, to delight in. To be in love; to be tenderly attached. N. Warm affection; fond attatchment; the passion between sexes, the object beloved a word of endearment, Cupid, the god of love; the score of nothing at tennis, etc.

Out of all the definitions of love my favorite is the last, the score of nothing. I have thought a lot of love lately, I am completely in love with a man, you hear me talk of him sometimes, but the words don’t always come easily when describing him. Back to my definition, the score of nothing, now I realize we are talking about tennis, but I think tennis has something here, a lesson. When describing nothing by calling it “love”, what is love?

Love is no score, you need not keep score, and it is the lack of points. Keep with me here, I know I am rambling, but when you start measuring points in a relationship, someone starts to lose and someone starts to win. That’s when the love goes away. Which brings me to falling out of love, when the other gets points, you are on the defense, or when you get points you are now on the offense. Love is about not keeping score……

Now, I will go back to my love, over the last year and a half we have been together, we have done things for each other, neat things, and we are very excited to “take care” of each other….. We truly enjoy making each other happy…. Really trying to analyze why we are so different than other relationships I have been in, I realize that we are not keeping score, love. We are zero to zero, and we are enjoying our scoreless match.

If we never keep score, we are always in “love”…..

So bringing this into our daily lives……. When we stop keeping score of what we are doing for others, stop keeping score of what others are doing for us, stop scoring everything all together, we will be in love with the world, Right?

Here is an example, I have five sisters, from all walks of life, and at some point we have all been “broke” in one way or the other. Without hesitation we have all at one point or another made up for the others short comings. I have no idea how many shirts I have “borrowed” or how much money has been “given”, but I do know this, we have taken care of each other time and time again without keeping score, or tally, we truly love each other. Some have walked one path and others another, but there is no jealousy, no rivalry, and no competition. We are happy when one another succeeds and sad when we fail. We just love, and that is that.

Why can we not give that to the rest of the world?   

1)      Stop comparing your game to others

2)      Stop caring if someone compares their game to yours

3)      Appreciate someone who is better than you

4)      Help someone who hasn’t got the game you do

5)      Remember that we are all on the same side

6)      Score Love, by keeping no score

I fall in love Everyday, I am not keeping score with the world……..    

John Lennon states in the song “with a little help from my friends” that he “needs somebody to love.” Not that he himself needs to be loved but rather he has “love” to give. I think that makes all the difference in the world. So often we want others to provide the good feelings in our lives simply because we have not figured out how to do ourselves. Whenever this happens, the end result is always betrayal; it is not their responsibility and too great of an expectation for anyone. When you change from being a receiver with standards to a giver who acknowledges those deserving; then you realized that there are people who you want to be closer too are all around you. This can only happen when you have some sort of love to give.-Pete

I could not have possibly begun to say this any better- Beautifully written! I think in the end, that is what we long for; someone to love, and what if we gave some of that love to ourselves?-Lizzy
 

Men,

Why can’t I find a man with pulse and a job?-Kari

Since our Men haven’t stepped up to this plate, I thought that I would go ahead and write to this question….. This is a GREAT question, and one that EVERY woman has asked themselves at some point, maybe not exactly that way but this is a world wide frustration…. Men have let women down for years, and visa versa…. So a few suggestions for you, my first question is How happy are you with yourself?

1) Figure out what is bothering you about yourself and usually that will play a huge role in what men you are pulling in… The fact is men (and women) can see your faults as clearly as you can, so if you are focusing on a fault or insecurity, they can see it too. Men do love “bitches” (if you have read the book), so if you feel comforatable with yourself, and being with yourself most people will too.

2) What do you want from a man? A pulse and a job are not attributes, you need higher standards, if you start too low you will get a lower result. The fact is, people who ask for too little get too little, it is as simple as that. You deserve a castle, a prince, and royal treatment, start there, and maybe you won’t end up with Prince Charming, but maybe someone that is charming, see asking for too much allows you to land somewhere in the middle….

Make a list of the top 5 things you need from a man, then don’t accept anything less.

3) What don’t you want from a man? This is much easier to answer, figure this out, and when someone has a poor quality that you have listed turn and walk away, DON’T tell them why (it’s not your job to fix them) just move on…

4) Go on a lot of dates, this will teach you your likes and dislikes.

5) Don’t date until you are happy with yourself, it’s like going to a party with a bad attitude, you won’t have fun, no one else will have fun, and you will not be invited back… No one wants emotional baggage to carry for you, and a gentleman can always see it, and a gentleman will feel obligated to carry it for you, he will run like hell, and you won’t know why.

6) Take yourself on dates, and treat yourself like a queen. This will get you prepared for the man that comes along and treats you like one. Nothing is worse to a gentleman than a woman that doesn’t know how to take being spoiled a little. This will make you happy with dating yourself, and you won’t need a man, and then they will be magnetized. Haven’t you ever noticed that when you don’t need something, it is always there.

7) Fall in Love with you. If you love you, people will be drawn to you. Trust me, I know.

There is so much that can be suggested in this category. There is no better thought than landing the “big fish” and living “happily ever after”, the fact is you can be happy and the “big fish” might just want to land you.   

Thank you for the coffee talk, my heart is with you on your journey… Until our next coffee talk,

Lizzy

Great advice Lizzy girl, I have been learning from you for years and I love that you have coffee talk so that I can continue to remind myself about my strengths and focus less on my weaknesses. Because of your help I really truly understand how to love myself and take care of myself first. Because as we all know-”Ain’t no one happy if mama ain’t happy”! Love you girl.-Stephanie

What I have discovered while ago, is that we simply treat the people whom are closest to us the worst. So often we take advantage of family, friends, and lovers because we know they forgive, or they will be there for us. While, complete strangers would never tolerate our behaviors so we give them respect. We eventually take for granted the love that has been given to us and closeness that has developed. Then over time, we wonder why distance has grown. Having realized this, true friendship and love earns true respect and responsibility for me. I am now more willing to lose a stranger than someone who has taken the time to know me.-Pete A Murray

In my few bad relationships, during the hard times, I have always made one request “treat me like your gas station attendant”. That is all I ask. I totally agree that we have a tendency to show our ugliest sides to the ones we love. I think in my early adulthood, when looking back, it was myself that I treated the worst, and it was me who paid the highest prices. It seems that we fall in love with ourselves last….. There is no better feeling than when you realize you love you…  It seems to free you to walk toward or away from any situation…. That is true freedom…

I LOVE LIZZY!- Lizzy 

I wrote this a few years ago when I decided to start treating myself kindly, and respecting the truth about me. This was part of my process of falling in love with me….

I actually may know less. In a way, being smaller minded was easier through my early twenties, now I see so many things and have heard so much that it has become so confusing. Confusing in the way that what you see isn’t what you always get, one size doesn’t always fit all, and a minute can be a really long time, so you can’t say “just a minute” you may need to say “Still a whole minute more”. A minute can be a real long time and an hour can go by like a minute depending on what you are enduring. The fact is; people lie, cheat, steal, deceive, omit truth, borrow with out asking only to never give back, liberate an item that is not theirs, and overall screw each other all of the time, and believe me you’ve done it, I’ve done it, and even your goodie two shoes Grandmother did it. You may not do it out in the open, you may be a “behind the curtain do wronger”, for instance; you can lie to your own heart, cheat yourself out of happiness, steal from your quality of life, omit telling the truth for fear of hearing it yourself, liberate a truth that doesn’t belong to you, and overall fuck yourself over. Why do we think its “right” to do it to ourselves and not to others? Yes, there are bad people that do all of these to others and they suck, why do we not hold ourselves accountable for royally robbing ourselves? Do you commit a crime when you lie, cheat, or steal from yourself? Why don’t we hold ourselves to the standard that we do criminals?

 My niece told me last week that if you make an error in judgment if you do not attempt to fix it, it’s a true mistake.

 If you do fix it, it cancels itself out, with that being said, if I stop lying, cheating, and stealing from myself will the punishment stop?