As of late, I have been the confidant for so many that are trying not to give up, or wondering why others are giving up on them. Whether or not we are talking about a relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend or mother and daughter, I believe that the key to having a successful relationship is the Art of Giving Up.

I have written to “I’d rather be Rich than Right” and basically stood on that soap box nonstop for years and years, today I try a different verbiage, The Art of Giving up. Giving up the need to be “right” or to “control” the situation. Our need to be right is just a byproduct of our drive to control a situation, one of which we rarely have any control over. Here is what happens, if you do not “Give Up” on some things, the person opposite you in the relationship will be forced to “Give Up” on your relationship. Really, we can only take so much as human beings before we decide that we are not able to please and inevitably we shut down.

Lets take a male/female or more importantly a sexually intimate relationship under the proverbial microscope. So often I hear “No matter what I do she/he is not happy”, “She/he is constantly bitching and moaning”, “I cannot seem to do anything right”, and eventually I hear “I give up”, this is that part in the process where no one wins. Here is what has happened, I call it crying wolf, person A is not happy with something, so every single bothersome thing has become an issue, they then feel like they need to “exercise the right” to tell the other person what is bothering them, so it is now on person B to fix it, and since there is always something that ales us, person B is exhausted. It is obvious to “us” on the outside that if person A would have just “Given Up” half or more of the little things, they might get a better reaction out of person B. Typical “Hill and Valley” theory without one there is none. If you choose to have Hill after Hill then finally, when there is a valley, or discontent, it will be taken seriously!

Mother/Father and Child. We know best as mothers/fathers, we have spent thirty years or around there figuring out the most efficient ways to do our everyday tasks, we have our ways, we know that without a sweatshirt at a Friday night football game, we will be miserable, and so will they. Our children do not know such things, and while we want to help them out, they push back. In my generation, or maybe it was just my mother’s “gig“, we were often left to our own foolish ways, she’d tell us once, but if we left without a sweatshirt, or looked stupid, she let us, and I must say, we learned quickly (it took once) to bring a sweatshirt, or to try to match our clothing because our peers ripped us to shreds, as children often do. Here is what happened, my Mom pulled the whole “Give Up” routine, by doing that she made my sisters and I ace the school of life, but more importantly we had accountability for ourselves, control of our misery, and power. Power used properly gave us self confidence, which is priceless. What she didn’t do is bitch, moan, nag, complain, and ride our behinds constantly, which is what a large portion of the parents today do. Pick your battles Moms and Dads, otherwise you are constantly losing, and guess why? You children are “Giving Up” on you, they ignore your guidance, they throw temper tantrums, and in the worst cases become depressed because they are stuck with you, and in the end, they will carry on with this behavior throughout their lives. See above Relationship problems. If you could just “Give Up” on all the small battles, the ones that don’t “hurt” them, or someone else, they may just take you seriously when you try to drive home how important safe sex is, or how dangerous getting in the car with a drunk driver is, but if you act the same over having sugar before dinner, well, you’re going to be “Given Up On”.

For some of us, it is natural to see immediately what we don’t like, I am sure this served us well as Cavemen and Cavewomen, but we are not in caves anymore, so let us take responsibility for our actions. If you can’t change by choice, use this simple equation ten positives to every one negative comment. I had to keep a tally for a little while to develop a good habit, eventually you will speak the language of Productivity and Positive Living.

Here is to Giving Up, before they are forced to!!!!

My Heart is with you on Your Journey,

Lizzy

“I cannot seem to make them happy”

NEWS FLASH Coffee Talkers, you cannot make someone else happy no matter what you do. My ranting preaching over the years has now turned into a public service announcement. STOP TRYING TO DO IT!

So many of my respected loved ones come to me with the complaint that they cannot ever seem to make their loved ones happy. My simple advise is to stop trying, it won’t work, and the more you try the more you waste energy, and become frustrated. I will speak bluntly because that seems to be the only thing that works well for me lately. How egotistical do you have to be to believe that you have the power over someone to determine how their life will progress and the quality of it, you don’t, and I hate to break it to you, you only have power over yourself and if you are attempting to make someone happy, you are failing.

I guess it is natural to believe that you can control everything when you are eighteen, usually by the time you are in your mid-twenties, life has handed you enough adversity to humble most of us into realizing that we are not in the drivers seat for a lot of what happens in this world, yet, I hear from so many 30-60+ year olds that they cannot make someone happy. It’s annoying and maybe, just maybe, we should make a call to action, start looking at the things that make you “happy”, and if those are other things and people, maybe you’re shallow, and if that is the case, you probably are not genuinely happy to begin with, and maybe, just maybe, someone is sick of stepping and fetching for you.

John Denver sang “Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy”, well, he had to be looking for a blessing, I see so many unhappy drones in the sunlight all the time, proves that John wanted something to be happy about, and these cats don’t. Otherwise, everyone would be walking around happy when ever the sunlight popped through the clouds! Mr. Denver made a choice, not for anyone else, but for himself, notice, he did not sing “Sunshine on YOUR shoulders makes YOU happy”.

My point is, be happy, and be happy knowing that you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.

My Heart is with YOU on Your Journey,

Lizzy

“I cannot seem to make them happy”

NEWS FLASH Coffee Talkers, you cannot make someone else happy no matter what you do. My ranting preaching over the years has now turned into a public service announcement. STOP TRYING TO DO IT!

So many of my respected loved ones come to me with the complaint that they cannot ever seem to make their loved ones happy. My simple advise is to stop trying, it won’t work, and the more you try the more you waste energy, and become frustrated. I will speak bluntly because that seems to be the only thing that works well for me lately. How egotistical do you have to be to believe that you have the power over someone to determine how their life will progress and the quality of it, you don’t, and I hate to break it to you, you only have power over yourself and if you are attempting to make someone happy, you are failing.

I guess it is natural to believe that you can control everything when you are eighteen, usually by the time you are in your mid-twenties, life has handed you enough adversity to humble most of us into realizing that we are not in the drivers seat for a lot of what happens in this world, yet, I hear from so many 30-60+ year olds that they cannot make someone happy. It’s annoying and maybe, just maybe, we should make a call to action, start looking at the things that make you “happy”, and if those are other things and people, maybe you’re shallow, and if that is the case, you probably are not genuinely happy to begin with, and maybe, just maybe, someone is sick of stepping and fetching for you.

John Denver sang “Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy”, well, he had to be looking for a blessing, I see so many unhappy drones in the sunlight all the time, proves that John wanted something to be happy about, and these cats don’t. Otherwise, everyone would be walking around happy when ever the sunlight popped through the clouds! Mr. Denver made a choice, not for anyone else, but for himself, notice, he did not sing “Sunshine on YOUR shoulders makes YOU happy”.

My point is, be happy, and be happy knowing that you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.

My Heart is with YOU on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Valentine’s Day is as divided as Republicans and Democrats, it is the most loved and hated holiday that we experience all year long. For the ones who possess love it can either be a day of bliss or a day of disappointment, for the hearts that long for another it can be a day of scarcity, and for the ones who are satisfied with themselves alone, it is a relief.

I have always loved Valentines Day for different reasons in each stage of my life. So many years I have been my own Valentine, and for you I wish this.

The heart hype can be overwhelming for some, every store, every spam email, and every commercial is pushing what to expect on February fourteenth, they even throw out fear messages that your significant other will be morbidly disappointed if you do not buy their product or visit their restaurant, of course this should be untrue, but for some, we put so much expectation on this twenty-four hour period that this often becomes our reality.

Does Cupid really have this much power? Well, the question is not really does he, but do we give that much power to him? It is strange how we let go of our expectations of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus at a fairly early age, but this little bow and arrow carrying mythology stays with us far beyond the years when we learn that nothing can be so simple and with each dream there often can be a nightmare. We forget that if in fact Cupid was around that he carries two types of arrows, one that can inspire love and one that inspires hate, let us decide to take accountability for our own happiness. Santa, Easter Bunny, nor Cupid will make you happy, it is your arrow to cast now.

There are as many unhappy couples celebrating today as happy couples, there are as many singles as doubles, and there are as many alone people as lonely people checking this day off the calendar, here is the difference, one type of person makes themselves happy and one relies on another. Note; the ones that rely on another are the disappointed and the angry haters on this day.

My wish for you for Valentine’s Day is to be your own V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E, if you would, you’d surely know how happy you could be.

My HEART is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

I have written about breaking up, I have written about being rich over right, I have even written about being your best self no matter what people are trying to do to you, you know, taking the high road. I feel like I need to write further on these subjects but maybe in a harsher way.

Why when all is said and done, when you want out, when the fat lady has sang and sang to the point that she has lost her voice do we allow ourselves to react to some emotional blow from someone that we cannot stand any longer? Why fight? Why?

Stop the fighting. First and foremost get the whole “eye for an eye” concept out of your mind. To quote a great “An eye for an eye make the whole world blind”- Gandhi. That being said, this includes you. Payback is a bitch and no one ever wins, but if you choose to payback someone let it be at least something that benefits you remotely. Try this… Make your life happier than the other persons by learning to react positively to their negative behaviors. THIS IS NOT EASY. Completely doable when given the attention being positive deserves, but not easy.

I have a few friends that are going through break-ups, some reflect the famous “War of the Roses” movie that reminds us all that marriage can be very scary when not handled with maturity, or more importantly, getting out of the marriage with some grace and with self respect, and some are less passionate, but the thing I notice about these break-ups are the same, someone wants out.

Lately, maybe because of my age now, there are children involved in these relationships or break-ups, what ever you want to call them. Me, coming from a “broken home” (thankful for it) has some insight for you parents out there. 1) Children are better off in two happy homes rather than one stressful unloving home. Please believe that children may not know how to drive, they may not know how to balance their check books yet (I really can’t do that either), and they may not know how to do all the things that “adults” do, but they know at birth what happy feels like, and you are doing an injustice to a child’s soul by making them feel uneasy, unhappy, and like their parents hate each other. For what? So they can see these unhappy people 24 hours a day. I’ll say it, since they don’t know how yet “No thanks Mommy and Daddy, if your sticking around for the kiddies, admit right now that it is for your own selfish reasons, not for them”. 2) I do not care if you caught your husband or wife sleeping with your best friend on your grandmothers embroidered linens that you got from her estate that she especially willed to you because you were her favorite out of all the grandchildren, this is no reason for you ever to put down your ex (or soon to be) in front of your children. My mother refused to talk about my father in front of me as a child, my dad however ran my mother down, guess whose side I was on? Don’t make your children defend their mother or their father, hell, it is your fault that they have them as a parent to begin with, not theirs. What you are truly saying in  their eyes is that the only reason that you are stuck talking to this monster is because of them. It is immature and you look like the asshole. 3) No matter what you both have a job to do and I know this is going to be hard to swallow, it has nothing to do with your happiness, your job is to be good parents to this little person that you chose to bring to the world, if that is not a valid reason to put down the guns, I cannot imagine what is. The Roses had one thing over you guys, their children were off on their own. If you have these kids, you have a common purpose, it is to be good parents, this does not mean you have to be good parents that reside in the same home. Period.

Divorce can be expensive, exhausting, and ego smashing, and that is just the surface, it can be heart breaking and failure gathering, it can make you think of doing things that just a few years ago you couldn’t imagine yourself doing, but the one thing (unless you are a Rose or a Peterson) it won’t do is kill you. You will live on, the sooner that you can look to the future the better, start living today, don’t wait until it is over, hell you never know what is going to happen tomorrow. Laugh a little, laugh at the fact that you failed at your marriage, you are not the first, you are not the last, but you did it, at least made the choice to marry the wrong one, or you can look at it the way I do, a learning experience, a good learning experience. Your children may not be thrilled at the fact that Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to sleep in the same bed, but sometimes you know what is best, and happiness is the only thing that we seek that separates us from the animals. You do not want to set the standard for your children that they stay in something that they are miserable in. Do you? If you answer yes to that, it is more than this “blog” that you need, like counseling. Which is the last thing I will say… Get some counseling, or at least have a weekly coffee with someone that has been through this, talk about it, a lot, and then talk about it some more. You will find that once you start talking, you start to feel better.

My Heart is With You on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Lets Coffee Talk is Back on….

Today I write to you as a married woman.

Never in my life had I thought that I would say that again, but hey, this life has shocked me time and time again, so why does this surprise me?

Recently I have talked to a lot of my friends who have jumped into the FIRE of divorce, and hell yes, it is a fire. (Not to mention the John and Kate plus eight debacle) I have been a lucky confidant of these broken and tired hearts. The one thing that I have to offer my friends is the healed heart of failure and the new blossoming of a new dawn.

I like them have been in the position of admitting failure, blaming others, blaming myself, and eventual forgiveness of all parties. Well, the last part, forgiveness, is a bridge that they have not met yet, but I know that they will. There is something that comes with all this, a new birth of someone much stronger and more aware.

I would like to say to all my friends that divorce is not a bad thing, not living a life of happiness however is a complete waste.

Sometimes chapters end, and sometimes it hurts, even is a pain in the ass occasionally, okay, always, but when they end, you have the opportunity to write a new chapter in your life, a better chapter, a more honest chapter.

Whose fault is it anyway?

May I ask you the obvious question? (Yes I may because this is my site)

*Why does this matter?

Why me?

Again….

*Why not you are you not human?

How could this happen?

Here is your answer…. People change, sometimes not for the better, sometimes not fast enough for each other, and sometimes not at all. We are never the same from day to day, we are influenced by our environment, and because this doesn’t always happen at the same pace, we often become a person that the other doesn’t like that much, therefore, we fall out of love.

This is a very hard time in your life, but I promise, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Most of us can say this, at least we are not John and Kate plus eight.

I must apologize to my readers; I have been so tied up in my life that writing has not come easily for me. I am so rich in gifts that they seem to be keeping me swamped with planning, doing, and moving on to the next great passage that something had to give, and for me it was lets coffee talk. Well, I am back, better than ever, with a completely abundant outlook on this world.

This is a tribute to just how wealthy I have been over the last few months and how much more wealthy I get to be for the few months to come. A lot of the time I use a checklist of categories to figure out just what I need to work on, but as I go down my self made list there are no short comings, no needs for focus, and I find myself renovating nothing. A first for me.

Friends- Over the last few years I had to prioritize my relationships from quantity to quality, this is somewhat of a painful process, but in the end stages I have been blessed to have kept the ones who love me back, enrich my life, and make me a better person. My friends are amazing these days, our conversations are stimulating, our loyalty is a two way street, and I could not be more blessed by those who I have made my family of no obligation. I must give my friend Maureen a lot of credit, she has persistently set up a “Calamari Thursday Night”, a bunch of friends get together, have wine, and eat calamari. I have enjoyed this more than anything; it is a great way to get together for seemingly no reason to enjoy the company of great conversation. I believe that everyone should make the excuse to go be surrounded by dear friends. Thank you to Maureen, a blessing in my life.

Family- My family and I are very close, my mom, my sisters, my nieces, my Aunt Kate and my two dads are the pieces of my puzzle that hold me together. I am so grateful to have them in my day to day life. Unfortunately just because you are blood related does not mean that you should be disrespected in any way. I had to make a hard choice to not be in a relationship with one of my sisters this year, she was hurtful and toxic, and by allowing myself to release her after so many years of trying to get her to love me some how, some way, I found myself relieved. See, if someone cannot love you the way you need to be loved it is counterproductive to try to force it. There are personality conflicts out there, and forgiving myself for not being able to be in the abusive relationship, whether it be sisters, or lovers, or even colleagues, was freeing in a way. It took so much of the pressure off of both of us. I had made it my “New Years Resolution” for the last three years to try to get closer, be more tolerant, and show more love to a person that did not welcome any of it. I walked away, some may call me a quitter, but I believe that if you keep fighting a battle that you can never win, you are just plain stupid. There is a reason that I am not trying out for the NBA, they don’t want me, and neither did she. You have to know when to hold them, and more importantly, know when to fold them. I encourage everyone to know when to fold them, do it, and forgive yourself for any failure you might feel. Just because someone shares DNA with you does not mean they share your heart. It has made me more thankful than ever for the family that has been there through thick and thin, and made me be more supportive to them.

Work- Okay, work has always been a tough subject for me, always slightly unsatisfied, longing to be more successful, more driven, more, more, more. I took a little hobby job at a little boutique back in November. I have never been happier with a decision in my life. The group that I work with come in all shapes and sizes, young and old, rich and poor, but the one thing that they all share is heart. I love these new friends, and I love being with them, they are always kind, always giving, always positive, and are all women in the first right. I am grateful to be a part of them.

Love Life- There is not any words in the English Language to describe this department. I have tried to write about Jason for so long and I always feel like I let us down when I try to portray what we have found, a treasure above treasures. For me, this is the holy grail.
As I plan to walk down the aisle to the man that I have chosen for my life, offer my mind, body, soul, hopes, dreams, ugliness, idiosyncrasies, and take my last journey alone. What a momentous stroll toward something new, or old in some cases. Jason and I have been together for near three years now, although it seems like time has stood still, like there has not been any years at all, isn’t that what it is about? We get up the same every morning although each morning seems like a brilliant new day. We have many routines, I guess we just fit together, there are few annoying parts of the puzzle, so few in fact that I don’t even notice them when they happen, I just laugh as if they were there for my own amusement. He laughs with me. I can only appreciate that he finds the same things funny. Is it strange that I feel like I have known him for years, a lifetime really. I always thought that the mistake I made was thinking that when you married someone; you became one, I thought that instead you were supposed to live at “hopefully” the same pace, grow on your own, together. Jason proves me wrong. You do become one, together.

So here we are, together, blooming, not as a single flower, as a bouquet. It is strange to see a face that looks at you like you like you always dreamed of being looked at, to look at someone without any ego in your eyes, no jealousy, no resistance, no fear, no hesitation, and no pain. There is no words to describe him, no words to describe how I feel, and no words to describe how blessed I am to have him. No words at all.

My Self- Last but not least. My last few months have been like a dream. For me, travel is a way for me to get to know myself better, with each trip, I see something about myself in others, and identify if I like it or not. February it was Mexico, Jason and I took a “five dayer” to lie together somewhere besides in our home, it was wonderful and relaxing. The in March we zapped down to Florida to see Jason’s parents, a trip that meant a lot, as you may have figured out, I am marrying more family, and it felt good to be able to see them as my future mother and father in law. Now April arrives, Spain with my sister Janice, a trip we have dreamt of taking for years, and now it is my next anticipation. Then in June, ten days in the Bahamas to become a Mrs. instead of a Misses. In every un-highlighted area are the real good parts, this is the life I always wanted. Friends, Family, a Love that is real, a work that isn’t consuming, and no want, no need, and when I look at it from an aerial view it seems too good to be true, but it is, and it is mine, and today is my day.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Recently I have run into a few women that I have noticed a trend with. It has been startling to see how many of us out there NEED to be accepted by their parents. The problem with that sentence is NEED. It is natural to WANT people to “like” you, or accept what you are doing in your life.

Two of the women that I have talked to in the last week were facing the challenge of telling their mothers that they are with child. These ladies (who are in their thirties mind you) were so worried that they were losing sleep; I mean seriously, this was a “red zone case” as Caesar Milan would say. I will ignore for now what a waste of time worrying is and just talk about releasing the need for others approval.

Our parents have us, raise us, and release us into the world, all the while being proud and disappointed. Basically, by the time a parent has “done their time” they are used to both disappointment in themselves and in us as well as a sense of pride in themselves and their children. It is no question that there are no perfect parents or children in the world. As we take flight (on OUR OWN journey) we stay linked to these imperfect humans forever.

The challenge is to release into flight with only love strings attached. These are the people that love you as their child, but also love you as the only human being that they have influence in making. These are also the people that you have to thank or blame for who you are. Too many times we spend our lives trying to live up to the vision that our parents have for us, and find out too late that it is not our own vision, leaving us feeling resentful and lost. Keep in mind, when parents show disappointment sometimes, they are really showing their “ego”, they want to blame anyone but themselves for the act you are doing. After 18 years old, it is not them, it is you making choices, but sometimes they are unable to cut the apron strings.

Once you are off the books at home it is important to realize that this is our journey. It is also important to teach our children that acceptance is not a need, but a want, and if all else fails, disappointing another is much less important than disappointing ourselves.

I have a relationship with my parents, I call it friendship.

That being said; let us do our best to accept our parents for who they are, accept ourselves for whom we are, and require nothing from anyone but ourselves. If your parents don’t “like” you, IT IS OKAY, there is only a problem if YOU don’t like YOU. The only thing that I can say is lead by positive example. If you don’t like what they are, it is okay. You can still love someone without feeling admiration for who they are in their core. Someone can love you without agreeing with you.

I think that a lot of times we seem to place on others the unsure feelings we have within our own psyche, take ownership of those. If you find yourself blaming your unhappiness on someone like your parents, maybe it is you that is having a problem with the situation that you are in, therefore you need to change, not them.

Parents accept your children, at any age, disappointments and all, and maybe just maybe one day they will learn to accept your failures.

Which brings me to forgiveness…. There is not one person that I have ever talked to that has had a perfect childhood, close, but not perfect. We are all simply dysfunctional; the last perfect person that was on this earth, imperfect people hung on a cross, so it is not a bad thing that we are working from an angle of flaws. Since “those in glass houses should not throw stones” I encourage everyone to try to forgive our parents for the disappointments that they have created for us, learn from them what not to do, and be thankful that they taught you the lesson. It is the anger that is held for so long that handicaps our forward movement.

Lastly, forgive yourself for your imperfections, failures, disappointments, and down right wrong doings. It is you that is in this moment, and if you are better that you were yesterday, you are being a positive member of humanity. The three biggest wastes of time in life are guilt, worry, and anger, so quit wasting your precious time. Someone once told me that if you try to drive forward in your car, but are always looking in the rear view mirror, you are bound to hit something. Let us stop living in the past, let us forgive those who have screwed us over, and let us be better than we were yesterday, kinder, more loving, more forgiving, and more accepting.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

So here is how my friends define friendship. The reason for doing this project is to help us all be better friends to one another. I have learned so much. I believe that when we discover what others are about we uncover our true selves.

Our friend G.R.
1) A friend should be caring. Not just about me, but about all good things, and be willing to improve a situation that needs improvement, and openly celebrate that improvement.
2) A friend should see the glass half full… not half empty. Being positive is much better than being negative.
3) A friend should be happy to laugh at himself or herself and not be afraid to laugh at and with others. This is a sign of self confidence.
4) A friend will support others in times of need and be willing to be supported when they are in need…
5) A friend should be able to talk about problems and listen about problems without being judgmental or becoming a gossip about the problem… Support is better than “fixing the problem”. Support will help a person discover learn how to fix the problem.
This is my grandmother’s first entry on letscoffeetalk. Although all my writings have been influenced by her, and when I was a child, I think back to first feeling of true friendship, and her face is there. My first friend, My G.R., my Grandmother. I cannot even begin to say what an example it set for me as a friend, I am honored to be her friend, and honored that she was giving enough to share with us today.
I will describe only this friendship on this post, when things have been tough, there has been a constant friend that has listened, left her ego at the door, sat in silence when there was nothing to be said, said nothing but what was in her heart when I was ready to listen, and never lost faith in me. She has seen me grow, regress, and dream my way to where I am today, never once holding me back. Most importantly, she makes me feel loved.

Aunt Kate-

1. Honesty – no way a friendship can exist without it.

2. Loyalty – no matter where you are in your journey they are there supporting you even if they disagree.

3. Must possess a sense of humor; be unique and smart – why you were probably attracted in the first place.

4. Must be a good listener (drinking coffee is a plus)

5. Reliable – show up for events and share times that are important in life.

It is so important to “show up”. Someone once said that “half of life is just showing up”, if that is true, the other half would be showing up in someone else’s life. Whether bad or good, things are even better or less bad if you have a true friend there. Be there for your friends, for what ever you can be, it will make your life complete.

Our friend Kristi-

1. Honesty. No one wants the friend that says I am sick, can’t make it and then when they aren’t at your party, you see them out at another bar….Sick huh?

2. Reliable. When you need them are they there for you as you are for them?

3. Communication. Talk to one another about yours and their problems, some one to listen when you need it and vice versa. Or someone that you keep in touch with and call when you have great news to share, etc.

4. Love. Is this someone you truly care about, do you love them? I feel the people that are my friends, I truly love, wish no harm on and would feel awful if something ever did happen to them. If not, they may just be acquaintances and not truly “friends”

5. Respect. Do you respect that person and their feelings.

Defining relationships for what they are, if you “love” someone they are your friend, of not they are an acquaintance. It is so important to know where people stand with you. Having the best wishes for all, make the wishes know for those you love, “I wish….. For your life”, let your friends know where you stand.

Our friend Heidi-

1) Good friends know when to listen

2) Good friends know how to tell you to be quiet and listen

3) Good friends are good friends across all passage of time and/or distance

4) Good friends don’t just pick you up when you’re down, they give you a boost to go above.

5) Good friends are good friends no matter what we say, do, throw, or lose; they see friendship first and everything else that happens second.

Number four is so near and dear to my heart, you not only need a friend when you are down and out, you need a friend to witness the good times, and even make them better. Call the one you know is doing well, make yourself a testament of positivity in that friends life. It will give you the positive strength to help another friend who is down, it will be that strength that helps you pick them up. We not only need friendship in times of need, but to celebrate abundance.

Our friend Rubin-

1) There when you NEED them. You can’t cry ‘wolf’ for nothing.

2) There to ask advice from, good or bad.

3) There to have your back no matter the situation.

4) One who does things for you without question, not surprise though.

5) Last but not least, loves you for who you are and nothing more.

Loving someone for who they are, not hoping they were different, wishing they were something else, letting them be what they are and loving them for that alone. If someone makes you feel bad for who you are, do not surround yourself with them. This has been a recent lesson for me, if you feel bad about yourself around someone; they are not your friend. No matter how good on paper they look. If you love someone, love all of them, if you cannot do that, they are not a friend.
I have been in friendships that have made me feel rotten; these weren’t friendships they were my ego trying to “fit in”.

Our friend Kathleen-

1) Honesty - must have true information exchanges don’t want parroting of my opinions

2) Confidentiality - must be able to confide without FaceBook postings

3) Positive Attitude - if you don’t know how to be positive I cannot hang with you

4) Ability to Change/Grow - relationships evolve and adaptability is crucial

5) Sense of Humor - seeing the funny side of things is how I cope

“True exchange of information”, so many times we go with the easy route, that is fine on your commute, but this is how we grow and develop through friendship, it is so important to see through others eyes, and if those are lying eyes you never get anywhere. The truth will set you free, friendships should be free like a bird allowing us to soar to the highest mountain tops.

Our friend Bill

Well, here’s one attribute of a good friend…………………..Compassionate Honesty………a good friend knows how to tell the truth without hurting their friend’s feelings.
I agree that friends should have compassion, both in hearing and listening. I suppose if you have trust you can speak without ego and can hear without ego. It is only then that friendship can blossom.
Compassionate ears are trustful ears and a compassionate voice comes from speaking from the heart. If they are not simultaneously dancing together, you are not speaking the language of friendship.

Our friend Michael-

1) Reliable – without trust in that persons ability to show up or do what they say, there is no relationship

2) Commonalities - interests/sense of humor/lifestyle – critical to wanting to spend time with them

3) Fun/Funny – making funny is fun

4) Considerate – respects others and their time

5) Honest – no explain necessary

Doing what you say you are going to do. Friendship should not be a puzzle for all of us to figure out how to put together. Life is full of disappointments, those we position ourselves in front of, and those that chance aligns us with, but at no point should a friend be a let down. This does not mean that a friend will never disappoint you, but it should be an unspoken agreement that they will do all they can to avoid it. That is friendship.

Our Friend Marie

1. Trustworthy, you want to be able to tell them things and they won’t tell other people.

2. Reliable, so they don’t let you down for meeting up etc.

3. Good listener if you need to pour your heart out.

4. Good sense of humor, always important in all people

5. Uncomplicated, by that I mean your friendship is always there and you don’t have to do nothing it is just there.

Friendship should not be complicated, it should be rather easy, when it isn’t you must take it as a red flag that it is unbalanced, too much taking or giving is going on, that is not a healthy relationship. That is not saying there is not work involved, but it should not feel like a job. Sometimes that balance becomes permanently off, it is important that you realize that the benefits are not mutual, therefore start giving more, stop giving so much, or think about where this relationship seems to be going.

Our Friend Shawna-

1. Honesty…I want the truth no matter if it hurts or not.

2. Loyalty…I would rather have one true friend than 20 fair weather friends.

3. Funny/fun…Its always important to be able to laugh with your friends.

4. Reliable…this is one I struggle with but I think it makes a good friend.

5. Uncomplicated…friendship shouldn’t be a chore…its should be enjoyable….

It is quality not quantity, having one A+ is better than having three C’s. Know them when you have them, nurture them, and be grateful for them every day.

Our Friend Stephanie-

1. TRUST- I believe you can only be really good friends with someone you trust since you are bound to tell them most things about you and your life.

2. PERSONALITY- you have to be able to have fun with your good friend, in some ways you need them to be like you and in other ways you need them to be completely different than you. But in all ways, you need to love who they are, after all one reason they are your friend because they can make you smile!

3. HOBBIES-likes and dislikes, a friend should have things in common with you, i mean what’s the point of a friend if you don’t do anything together because you have no similar hobbies. But just as important it’s good to have diff. hobbies so that you can teach, educate, and show your friend new things and vise versa. EXAMPLE- Me, Lizzy and Politics- I have never been into it, and she helps me understand and educates me about it, now I love knowing what’s going on.

4. HOT ASSOCIATIONS- whether or not they have hot family members or friends. .If not, no friend! OK THIS ONE IS A JOKE!

5. FAMILY FRIENDLY- family is huge in my life, so its important that a friend can get along and fit into my family, just as I would want to fit into theirs. It would be very hard not to be able to talk with your family about a friend because they didn’t like them.

6. GO GETTER- I really enjoy people who are willing to try new things, not afraid of life, if they complain about things then they try and fix it- i dislike lazyness, and enjoy having friends that have ambition.

Friends are chosen family, it is so important that a true friend be able to fit into all aspects of your life, like your crazy family (we all have one), your crazy other friends (we all have those too) and your general life. They must also respect those that you love, embrace them, and see them through your eyes. They do not have to “love” everyone, as it is impossible for your heart to love someone that you have a personality conflict with, but the ability to see them for what they are to your friend is what makes you a true friend.

Our Friend Doug-

1) LOYALTY - AKA BEING “TRUE-BLUE”
2) HONESTY - SOMETIME “BRUTAL HONESTY” WHEN REQUIRED
3) UNDERSTANDING
4) COMPASSION
5) SENSE OF HUMOR!!!
With a friend, sometimes you don’t need to give the “why” behind everything, even if they ask for it. Just kidding!

Our Friend Mike-
Well lets see…

1. Boobs…definitely, the bigger the better the better the friend…
2. A sexy neck…something that just makes u want to bite it…
3. A good kisser…who wants a friend who isn’t a good kisser? not me…
4. Eye contact…eye contact creates a fun dynamic between 2 friends…
5. Confidence…confident friends are the sexiest…

Um did i not read your question correctly?

All of my new friends have come from match.com in the past year. so the attributes i look for are a little skewed compared to everyone else’s i think

On a serious note.

1. A good friend is someone who you can think of and smile. Someone who is not just a ‘fair weather’ friend, but who loves you and all your baggage that you have accumulated through the years.
2. Someone who can tell you when they think you are making a mistake even though you will be mad at them for telling you.
3. Someone who will never say anything behind your back that they wouldn’t say in front of you.
4. Someone who would defend your character if others were questioning it. Someone you would trust with your children.
5. Someone you can count on like you would a brother or sister. someone who would probably leave a hole in your heart if they were gone forever…

I saved this one to talk about humor. Humor to me is the single most important thing in life, well that and love. There is nothing in a friendship that is more dear to my heart than laughter. Call your friends when something funny comes into your mind, call them immediately. With all the sadness, anger, despair, and crapola in this world, we need to laugh, it is the only cure, besides love. I have loved hundreds of friends, but it is the ones that make me laugh that I cannot live without.

Our friend Pete-

1. Have you ever been with someone who you simply want to shut up? You find yourself resenting them because they are wasting your time and energy prattling away. We all want to be listened too, want to be heard. I think most people are like me, they have no problem being heard. If I have something to say, you are going to hear it. Let me tell you something, if all your friends just listen to you, might want to ask if they think you are their friend. The more time you shut up, the more time you listen really represents how important they are to you. Me being able to listen is a trend that all my friends have.

2. I am a stimuli junky, which is why I am so glad I have never taken speed. I enjoy having my friends making me think, laugh, cry, and figure out stuff. This is probably the one thing that comes close to being check box and also the most detrimental to the friendship, additionally, makes it hard to be in a relationship with me. I consider emotions apart of this, although, I really like thinking and I like being around people who make me think. In all honesty it overshadows the emotional part. The difficult part is that I know that life is hardly stimulating. I certainly cannot be intense all of the time. So, many times I withdraw from my friendships or do not participate with the in-depth analysis of the day to day stuff. Laundry, dishes, & work do not need to be elaborated on. Even though I approach it as “letting each other live our own life” I know it is hard for most people.

3. Have you met someone who is perfect? Or in reality, is trying to look perfect? Come on, who do you think you’re kidding? I distrust perfect people. Perfection does not exist. So if you are promoting perfection you are hiding something. Life is not perfect and the more you live it, the more imperfect it becomes. I am not perfect, not by a long shot. Matter of fact, the more imperfect you are, the more life you probably have lived. My friends have lived a lot of life, and know they are not perfect. I can trust them to make mistakes and be who they are. They know I am going screw a few things up to. We don’t need to be something ideal, just ourselves, flaws included.

4. To be human is to strive to overcome one owns imperfections. This is one thing that all my friends possess; to constantly be bettering themselves, growing as a person, and overcoming their own challenges. Contentment and stability is always a momentary thing, none of my friends are stereotypical soccer moms with their boring traditional “settled” lifestyle or blissfully living on a plateau of life. They are self aware and want more from themselves. Life is not an achievement list to consider as done, but rather a series of building blocks that supports each other, along with moments of reflection and self discovery.

5. Have you ever known somebody who just agreed with everyone? Who never wanted to rock the boat? You know “Sheeple.” Nicest people around but never had an opinion. Support is a good thing, but not all the time. My friend Joe put this way, “I know when somebody has accepted me, when they tell me to shut up.” My friends challenge me, not only do they have an opinion but they will give it to me too. Some might hit me in the back of the head, others might have a bit more flare, and there are those who much latter makes me go “hey…when you said…” Confrontation is not a scary thing, we trust each other in that, although we might not like what is about to be said, we will still love each other afterwards. It is trust and an understanding that allow us to challenge each other.
“The Sheeple”, the ones who take the easy way out.
Latch on to the ones that can open your mind, I believe that when your mind closes you die, maybe not in body, but in spirit. Live with the minds that are alive! Don’t close any doors.

Our friend Kate-

1. Someone who is honest, especially when it’s something hard to be honest about.
2. Someone who you can get busy and not talk to for days, weeks, months, or years and it’s ok.

3. Someone that knows by the tone of your voice or the look in your face that your not really ok, no matter how many times you say you are, but lets you fake it anyway.

4. Some who doesn’t let you fake it anymore when it’s not healthy for you

5. YOU

Tell your friends that they are your friend. It is so important for you to let people know where they stand with you in your life’s context. If you love someone tell them so, if you don’t, don’t. The truth is so important in our lives, it makes us more aware of who we are and more aware of what influence we have in each others lives. We are all trying to live, if we allow one another to live in a fantasy we are not doing any favors. Be here, in this moment with a few great friends.

So I recently sent out an email to about 100 of my closest friends to come up with the recipe of a “great friend”. Never would I have thought that it would have received such an overwhelming response. People are proud to talk about what type of friends they have, are, want to be, and require. Up to this point this has been the most popular subject on Lets Coffee Talk.

This has also allowed me to think more about the type of friend that I am and the type of friends that I have embraced. Truthfully, in this process it has made me so grateful for some of the people in my life, it has made me miss some long lost friends, and made me consider that maybe some of my friends are better than others, some credit is just not due to some of the people I have been giving it to.

The thought process has been eye opening. I have found that some of the friends I have are actually better friends than I thought, and others really are not as good as they once were. Once thing is for sure, it has made me so much more aware and grateful for the people past and present that have drifted through my journey with me.

Laughter

I like to laugh. I find the world so funny, I find myself funny, I want to find you funny, and a friend must find life’s most mundane things amusing. There is really nothing that is not funny if you are looking for humor within it. My life has had some crappy times, but in and out of it I have somehow found the humor, it is the one constant. “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion”-Steel Magnolias. That quote says it all.

Wants to know who I am today

No one ever stays the same, people change, develop, grow, and regress, I want to be someone who wants to know me for who I am today, who I want to be, and who I wish I was not. I need someone to want to know me not for who I was yesterday, but constantly wanting to learn about my ever changing perceptions.

Giving My life

Time is our most valuable form of trade in a friendship. Time is the only thing that I can “give” to someone that says “here, I am giving you part of my life”. If you are not willing to give your time (i.e. Life) then I do not consider you to be a friend. Whether it is talking on the phone, emailing, IMing, sending a note though the mail, stopping by for coffee, making plans for dinner, what ever it is, giving your time for no other reason than you feel like someone is worth giving a part of your life to. Not because you feel sorry for them, obligated, or just bored, but you really are enriched by spending moments together.  

Straight Talk

I like to be someone that can and will say it pretty straight, I expect the same from the people I surround myself with. There should not be secrets between friends about each other. However, there should be confidentiality, the kind that not even water torture could get out of me. I believe that if a friend tells you something that is a secret it should be heard as if it was never said, that is that. With that being said, if I am fat, call me fat, if I am a jerk, call me one, and if I am in trouble, let me know. Not everything is easy to hear, but if a friend tells you before you have to figure it out, you don’t feel like you are the last to know. This is a tough one; it is the reason that I don’t have a million friendships.

Positive Living

As I have said, I have had a bit of adversity in my life, I have had some great friends to lift me from the ditches that chance threw me into. I AM grateful for those brave individuals. If I can be someone that can see the positive lessons to be learned in any situation even if it is my own or someone else’s I feel that it is a productive relationship. It is so important to take life’s curveballs and smack them out of the park, and if everyone on my team can do it, even better. My friends must be able to live in a positive world.

“Friends” is such a weird word, often used to loosely. I consider my friends as chosen family, these are the people that often are not blood related but they are burned into my heart forever. I try not to use the words “Best” friend anymore, they are all the “best”. I am grateful for the gift of friendship that all of you have given me. I am thankful for my old friends, new friends, and future friends. I will say this, I do actually have a “best” friend, it is me, and it was the hardest relationship I ever established.

My friends are the ones that bear witness to my life, they have put my existence in context to the grand scale, it is these souls that will be able to tell my story, and they are what make me real.    

I will be gathering all the feedback that I received and posting it soon.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

My friend Pete and I were IMing (communication is so weird these days) yesterday and we brought up the subject of what makes someone a better friend than others? Our criterion was completely different. I have decided to ask my friends what you believe makes a “friend” a “friend”. Who knows better than the people I consider my friends?

Janice and I were then talking about the same thing last night, we thought this would be a perfect subject for Lets Coffee Talk.

Could you please tell me the 5 attributes that you look for in a “friend” and why, this will give me some data to help others become a better friend to everyone else. It will also allow me to become better.

What do you consider the top FIVE qualities of a “GOOD” friend and WHY?  

This has been a difficult post for me, not only have I taken time out to sort out my own impulses but I have talked to several other people for their opinions of this story. From my own frame of mind, there are several issues that the story hits on in which I question “is this really good?” Yet, I do realize that the post is really about giving and Christmas rather than charity. Therefore, I am going to skip over the multi-layer complexities of charity; forgetting all conversations and impulses that I might have had; and simply express what I think gifting is all about.
A gift towards someone is recognition of the person and an expression of how you feel towards them. In other words-“this is how well I know you and this is how I feel about you.” A symbolic presentation of what you think of the relationship, which the true currency is effort. Money, status, presentation and time are all but extended and distracting values, it is the thought that counts, which when acted on produces effort. That is why I always move away from things that are too material, (jewelry, electronics, and such.) towards things that are more symbolic and says I know you. I gave a globe to my girlfriend for her birthday, I gave her the world. I have given joke presents that have made my family laugh, (never exploiting the receiver of the gift. Unfortunately, I have seen a gift that makes the receiver a butt of a joke; that is so tactless.) I have given gifts that people needed but knew they would never get around to getting. I have given labor and I have given love, a gift is nothing more than a symbol of that.

Peter

A wonderful Christmas story. Regardless of your faith, you have to feel good about our capacity for compassion. After reading her initial email, I couldn’t help but feel compelled to give, as did the woman in the store. When I heard about this story and the immediate help offered by those around her I was once again reminded that our world is a place of abundance, not scarcity.

When I feel that the world is a place of scarcity, I feel sad, isolated and malaise. I take for granted all the beautiful things this world serves up on a platter for me every day.

When I feel the world is a place of abundance, even life’s biggest challenges feel like gifts in ugly disguises.

By sharing what can only be called a sad situation with her friend, she probably didn’t know it at the time, but she was actually giving something. She may not have been in the ideal position to give her children the christmas she wanted, but she gave her friend the opportunity to help, and gave us all the opportunity to learn a lesson.

Thanks for the lesson and Merry Christmas

Respect & Love,

J

Yesterday while having Brunch with a dear friend I came across a subject that many of us have come into in our lives. You meet, fall in love, day by day you get closer, you intertwine your lives, things go beautifully for days, weeks, and sometimes years, and then the unthinkable happens, you grow apart, you realize that you were not mean to share your days with this person, and the inevitable happens, you break up.

Somewhere in this tangled mess, sorting out what emotions are mine, what are yours, and what should just be let go as a sacrifice to the “love gone bad God” is hard, really hard. The problem lies in The Break-up-er and The Break-up-ee, both difficult spots to be in, one powerful, one powerless, but the constant is, neither are easy. For the “Break-up-er” you feel like you are giving up, you feel guilty, you are calling the game, throwing in the towel, quitting. For the “Break-up-ee” you feel rejected, given up on, and powerless, he or she does not want you anymore, you have failed.

Basically, we have got two Ego’s, running amuck, and when the Ego drives the car, there is sure to be a wreck.

First, Emotional Separation. This seems to be the most difficult step of the process, when you got together you were separate beings, for years and years you went on with your days without knowing what this certain person was doing, how they were feeling, who they were feeling it with, why they felt one way or the other, but now, it is difficult to go back to the feeling that you have felt for the majority of your lifetime.

Yet, it is hard to go back to that time, a free time.

You cannot forget this person, they themselves have done one of two things, they have either taught you, what you do want in a mate, or what you don’t want, usually the ladder of the two, but I think that moving on, it is key to put them in one of the two categories.

For the “Break-up-er” having confidence in your decision will allow you to feel like you have done the “Break-up-ee” some sort of favor (which is true) he or she will now be free to find love that is more to his or her liking. That should be a honorable decision, one not to feel guilty for, or even like you are a quitter. See, not playing a game that you know you have no chance of winning is called smart. Unless you are just playing the game for fun, and love is no game to play for fun, not long term at least.

For the “Break-up-ee” having faith in yourself, that you are lovable, loving, and powerful allows you to walk away with the knowledge that one day someone will be able to love you on your terms. When insecurity leaks into your ship, you sink, and the only way to stop it is to stop blaming (yourself or the other) and start accepting, accept that this is not what you want (why would you?). When someone no longer wants to be with you, that is their problem, not yours, and it is not your job to fix anyone. Fixing someone else is impossible, you control fixing yourself, and that is the power you have.

Now, I have seen this go to extremes, people start screaming at one another, calling names, blaming, threatening (all the things one does in a desperate situation), but why? Why do we allow ourselves to be these ugly people?

Answer? EGO

When you step back, take a look at what has happened, realize that there were good times, bad times, boring times, hectic times, laughter, tears, and final decisions you realize this is just a chapter of your life, some chapters are longer than others, but this one is coming to a conclusion, you can end it the way it began, hopeful, and forward looking, not brutal, ugly, angry, and desperate.

Friendship?

History will show that a friendship after a lover-ship is almost impossible. To untangle that emotional ball that you call a relationship takes separation. Therefore, for a while, no friendship is obtainable until you are completely healed, could take a lifetime, could take a year, who knows, you will when you are ready. You need friends when you break-up, just not the person you were in a relationship with to help you get through it. Like I said, unraveling the strings of a love gone bad can be messy, and the last person you need is the one who made the mess with you cleaning it up, the mess will just get worse, trust me, seen it too many times.

No calls, no visits, no talks, no favors, for as long as it takes to get you in a place that you are thankful for the relationship as it was, comfortable with being out of the relationship, and relaxed with the person you are without him or her. Don’t drunk dial him or her, have a plan that if you do have too many wines or beers, you have a designated friend to call. Keep yourself busy.

Why does it feel so good to get into the relationship and so bad getting out of it? Should we not celebrate the experience, while holding our dignity high? Why do we let our Ego control what our mind and heart should be in charge of?

In the Eagle’s song, Wasted Time, they speak about the girl that felt like she had wasted her time on a relationship… What if it wasn’t wasted time? What if it was just time, learning what you did or didn’t want? Would that be a comfort?

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy           

Prop 8, Gay marriage was shut out in California, and continues to be shut out continuously around our Country. Church and State are not supposed to be mixed, shaken, or stirred here in America, land of the quilted lifestyle. Yet, there seems to be a hitch or constant hitches.

I believe that there is a place for Church in our communities, they are even welcomed with Tax Exemptions because of the work they do as far as charity and kindness for humanity. I am having a hard time understanding that while they reap the benefits of having the freedom to practice their own religions in our country, they feel that in this same country others should not have the same rights. I am not Gay, just an American, or just a human being really, and I do not understand how these lines keep crossing.

If it says in the Bible that God doesn’t want you to be gay and you have faith in the Bibles words, FINE, don’t be gay yourself, but when you start to say other people cannot under the American Constitution, I believe that you are being Un-American. Bucking the Constitution in which this country was founded on, in which it has been made great; you are saying that you no longer want to be protected under our laws. What if tomorrow it was illegal for you to be married to your husband or wife? You are saying that it is okay for American law to do that.   

Keep your Church out of my State, I say that with kindness and sincerity, you are not in charge of these peoples souls, if they will go to hell because they wanted to marry their love (and you believe that), that is their priority. I say, GODSPEED to everyone that thinks that they are ready for marriage…. There are so many things that Jesus would do out there, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, love the unloved, provide hope to the hopeless, teach tolerance to the hateful, and encourage kindness in a world that seems cruel. With all this to do, the last thing on the Christian mind should be stopping a certain type of love, right? Until these are all taken care of, let us start prioritizing the sheer desperate need in this “beautiful county”.

My Heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

The other day I was reading Liz’s comment about negativity and she is so right.   Why do we feel the need to spread it.   If you are bothered by something try thinking of 5 things that are positive about the situation first and then if you decide to talk to anyone, share only those!

Then I got to thinking about what else we spread.  Besides negativity, what we do or say is contagious.  When walking down a hallway deep in thought, do you take the time to smile and say good morning, or do you have a stress look on your face and share with everyone that you’ve had a rough morning.  I can honestly say I’ve done both.  And the first one makes their and your day better.  What do you think the second does?

I have decided to stop wasting other people’s lives, as well as mine, with anything that isn’t sincere and loving.  I am choosing to make a change in myself.  I recently had a friend tell me that life is too precious to waste ANY of it doing anything that is negative.   Gossipping, Complaining, Being Jealous, and so on.  It is very hard, but I challenge everyone to look at their lives as if they could be gone tomorrow.  Do you really want to waste your time on Crap?  Time and lives are precious, don’t waste them.  And Do try to go out of your way to accomplish things that move you.  Even if you feel it might make you late for work, or look silly, reach out and hug a girlfriend, just because you know she is having a rough day.   You might never know how much you’ve helped her.  Call a friend, just to say, I’ve been thinking of you.  Send a card, just because.  Smile at the other customers at the grocery.  Help an elderly person with their groceries.  Pick up cheap flowers at the store for your spouse, significant other, friend, grandparent, lonely neighbor……Just spread good! 

Please do this, our world and yourselves really need to just spread good!

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone on your journeys, Katie. 

Over the past few, well more than few months I have had some heated debates about the “facts” in this election. Never have I thought really that either of the Candidates are bad people, and they aren’t.

The reason that I am voting for Obama is that he inspires America to be hopeful, hard working, and positive. He restores the mindset that Washington is working for America, not the other way around. He has brought back the outlook that we are all together in this, not alone, with out fear. FDR said that the world is an unsafe place, but if you are fearful and too overprotective this country will go down, in so many words, I believe that has happened to a degree. I also believe that we can start a new; I believe that Obama is just the leader we need to start living again in Our America. Fear is debilitating and over the last seven years we have become paralyzed by the message that has been sent, I want my children if I ever have any to not only have the American dream, but not have the American nightmare we have been living for the last seven years.

I wrote on a Blog last night to express my opinion, as Americans historically have been respected for doing, and I was verbally attacked by several Americans with different views or perspectives. I respect their opinion, and if it was a majority of America who wanted McCain to be our president, I would honor “her” choice. We do not have to agree, but we must pull together as American people to make this country a better place for our children.
Who ever wins this election is who America wants to be president, and we need to love her (the people) for allowing all of us to make that choice. After all is said and done, we must love our fellow human beings, love that we are all living in this Great Land, and love our blessings.
This country has taken a turn in these short years, only we have the ability to turn her back around, regardless of who you are voting for, I beg you to be kind, do not fear, and have faith in America.

My Heart is with you on Your Journey,

Lizzy

I have always found that no matter what I’m going through, my sisters, mothers (plural in my case) and my girlfriends are always the ones that I turn to first. Men will sometimes come and go, but girlfriends always seem to be there. We understand each other, most of us have been in the same situation or know someone who has, and are willing to give advice from the heart. I honestly don’t know what I would do without the wonderful women in my life. If you don’t have a circle of girlfriends or sisters, at least find one that you can confide in and that cares for you as a sister. I’m not a feminist, but we as women need to stick together for our own sanity! When I’m with my sisters I’m either laughing or crying and sometimes both. It’s such a stress reliever.  Some of the best times in my life have been with my sisters and my best friend. We go on vacations, road trips, bar hopping (only on occasion!), shopping, and sometimes we lay on the couch and watch HGTV until six in the evening (Elizabeth!). What I’m trying to say is that we have so much emotion and knowledge to share with each other it’s a shame to see any of it go to waste. I love the women in my life and I make sure that I tell them any chance I get. You can never have too many girlfriends!!!!!

Peace, love and total happiness!

Janice

Lately I guess I have been noticing Negativity a lot more than ever. About a year ago I had read The Power of Now and The Secret, and although the concept was great, I didn’t really start living it until about 6 months ago. Jason is really easy to live with under this way of thinking because he normally has a very positive outlook on his universe and therefore projects it; I have become that way too. Optimistic to annoyance maybe, but I have found that my life is more abundant now than ever, and the facts are just that, facts.

It has been a real challenge for me to not become negative about Negativity though, when I hear it sometimes I have a tendency to get frustrated, when really, I should just think back to a time not so long ago when my glass was half empty. I know I can change my perspective on that too, it just takes a different angle of looking at it.

Money

Have you ever met someone that works so hard but never has a pot to piss in?

I have, I know a lot of these people, their work ethic is second to none, yet they are constantly complaining about their financial condition. They worry about the moneys of tomorrow even if they have enough money for today. They, by worrying, don’t enjoy the fruits of today, nor tomorrow, they are unhappy, and ungrateful, and therefore they never have security not for even one day. The Secret implies that if you say in your mind “I am worried about not having enough money” the “universe” hears that and cannot differentiate that statement from a request, and therefore gives you “not enough” money.

The key is to be grateful today, and have faith in your tomorrows if they even come.

This does not mean, stop planning for your retirement, or saving for that special goal that you have, it just means have faith that the “universe” or “god” or even “yourself” will provide you with the means to be fruitful for all days.

I have often said in the past that I hate “money”, in fact, I do not hate money, I hate the abusive relationships that people have with their and others money.

“I have and will continue to have Abundance, Thank you”

Relationships

This is a BIG ONE, there are so many people searching for love, upset about love loss, scared of never obtaining love, or even scared of losing the love they have today.

Part of these books that I read a year ago, talked about living in this moment, in this day, but I have found that most people who are not happy with the relationship status that they are in, i.e. single, married, separated, or whatever, are simply living either in the past, or in the future, and some of the real “sad” cases bounce back and forth between, but never EVER stay in the present.

Lets take Single for instance, because a lot of people think this is the worst thing to ever happen to someone, which by far is untrue. So many times these “Singles” bounce between the loves they once had and lost and the loves the may never find in the future, therefore never living for today. When I was single not too long ago, (way before I got this concept) I remember people asking me “Why are you single?” “Why aren’t you married?” “Are you looking for a boyfriend?” the concept that I was perfectly happy was far beyond any notion that they could accept. I was happy, I truly was, and I remember feeling like a bit of a “freak” because I was not nearly as upset at they thought I should be, I wasn’t upset at all.

Maybe because I had a relationship based on love and respect with myself (the first healthy relationship I had ever had, by the way), but I did not long for loves past or loves future, I had love.

Love eventually came to me, and when it did I was calm, and ready to let it sit beside me, I was not too eager, it came in a healthy way. You know with courting, and laughing, and eventually loving and respecting, and then lastly trusting.

I feel the same now as I did when I was single, I just have someone there with me, enjoying some moments.

I won’t drag on too much about marriage and separation. But I do know this if you live in the past or the future when you are in these moments the marriage or separation will with all certainty fail completely. If you need me to talk more to this topic, please feel free to coffee-talk with me about it. I have lived in the past of the marriage, and the future of the marriage and it failed miserably. I have live in the past in separation, and the future in separation, also failed.

Love is not something someone gives you, it is something that you give.

Happiness

I sat at the table a few days ago with a friend, and although the lunch we were having was great I remember my friend looking to another table and commenting on how happy they were, my friend eluded to the fact that they longed for happiness like that. My ego went unhurt, but I thought to myself that happiness is nothing other than being grateful for what is at your table, what blessings you have, and if you continuously look at those blessings, you are bound to be happy.

The key to happiness overall is being thankful or grateful for what the “universe” or your “God” or you “yourself” has given you.

If you are constantly looking at the grass on the other side, you never ever notice how beautiful your own lawn is.

Health

Health is one of the most talked about feelings on earth. How are you feeling?

I have met perfectly healthy people that always complain about their health. Therefore they always feel crappy.

I have met perfectly sick people that never complain about their health. Therefore they always feel great.

The mind is a beautiful powerful tool, I suggest we use it. I suggest we utilize it in everything that we are.

Perspectives

Your Perspective is your only truth. I am thankful for those perspectives in this world that I see as optimistic and healthy, I pray you do too….

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

I remember playing sports as a kid and it was always much more fun when we didn’t keep score.   There weren’t a whole lot of fights or arguments, and it wasn’t until you started keeping score that the game lost is purity and lost it’s fun.  It wasn’t about the game anymore at all, it was about winning vs losing - being better and therefore good. 

-J