Yesterday while having Brunch with a dear friend I came across a subject that many of us have come into in our lives. You meet, fall in love, day by day you get closer, you intertwine your lives, things go beautifully for days, weeks, and sometimes years, and then the unthinkable happens, you grow apart, you realize that you were not mean to share your days with this person, and the inevitable happens, you break up.

Somewhere in this tangled mess, sorting out what emotions are mine, what are yours, and what should just be let go as a sacrifice to the “love gone bad God” is hard, really hard. The problem lies in The Break-up-er and The Break-up-ee, both difficult spots to be in, one powerful, one powerless, but the constant is, neither are easy. For the “Break-up-er” you feel like you are giving up, you feel guilty, you are calling the game, throwing in the towel, quitting. For the “Break-up-ee” you feel rejected, given up on, and powerless, he or she does not want you anymore, you have failed.

Basically, we have got two Ego’s, running amuck, and when the Ego drives the car, there is sure to be a wreck.

First, Emotional Separation. This seems to be the most difficult step of the process, when you got together you were separate beings, for years and years you went on with your days without knowing what this certain person was doing, how they were feeling, who they were feeling it with, why they felt one way or the other, but now, it is difficult to go back to the feeling that you have felt for the majority of your lifetime.

Yet, it is hard to go back to that time, a free time.

You cannot forget this person, they themselves have done one of two things, they have either taught you, what you do want in a mate, or what you don’t want, usually the ladder of the two, but I think that moving on, it is key to put them in one of the two categories.

For the “Break-up-er” having confidence in your decision will allow you to feel like you have done the “Break-up-ee” some sort of favor (which is true) he or she will now be free to find love that is more to his or her liking. That should be a honorable decision, one not to feel guilty for, or even like you are a quitter. See, not playing a game that you know you have no chance of winning is called smart. Unless you are just playing the game for fun, and love is no game to play for fun, not long term at least.

For the “Break-up-ee” having faith in yourself, that you are lovable, loving, and powerful allows you to walk away with the knowledge that one day someone will be able to love you on your terms. When insecurity leaks into your ship, you sink, and the only way to stop it is to stop blaming (yourself or the other) and start accepting, accept that this is not what you want (why would you?). When someone no longer wants to be with you, that is their problem, not yours, and it is not your job to fix anyone. Fixing someone else is impossible, you control fixing yourself, and that is the power you have.

Now, I have seen this go to extremes, people start screaming at one another, calling names, blaming, threatening (all the things one does in a desperate situation), but why? Why do we allow ourselves to be these ugly people?

Answer? EGO

When you step back, take a look at what has happened, realize that there were good times, bad times, boring times, hectic times, laughter, tears, and final decisions you realize this is just a chapter of your life, some chapters are longer than others, but this one is coming to a conclusion, you can end it the way it began, hopeful, and forward looking, not brutal, ugly, angry, and desperate.

Friendship?

History will show that a friendship after a lover-ship is almost impossible. To untangle that emotional ball that you call a relationship takes separation. Therefore, for a while, no friendship is obtainable until you are completely healed, could take a lifetime, could take a year, who knows, you will when you are ready. You need friends when you break-up, just not the person you were in a relationship with to help you get through it. Like I said, unraveling the strings of a love gone bad can be messy, and the last person you need is the one who made the mess with you cleaning it up, the mess will just get worse, trust me, seen it too many times.

No calls, no visits, no talks, no favors, for as long as it takes to get you in a place that you are thankful for the relationship as it was, comfortable with being out of the relationship, and relaxed with the person you are without him or her. Don’t drunk dial him or her, have a plan that if you do have too many wines or beers, you have a designated friend to call. Keep yourself busy.

Why does it feel so good to get into the relationship and so bad getting out of it? Should we not celebrate the experience, while holding our dignity high? Why do we let our Ego control what our mind and heart should be in charge of?

In the Eagle’s song, Wasted Time, they speak about the girl that felt like she had wasted her time on a relationship… What if it wasn’t wasted time? What if it was just time, learning what you did or didn’t want? Would that be a comfort?

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy           

Prop 8, Gay marriage was shut out in California, and continues to be shut out continuously around our Country. Church and State are not supposed to be mixed, shaken, or stirred here in America, land of the quilted lifestyle. Yet, there seems to be a hitch or constant hitches.

I believe that there is a place for Church in our communities, they are even welcomed with Tax Exemptions because of the work they do as far as charity and kindness for humanity. I am having a hard time understanding that while they reap the benefits of having the freedom to practice their own religions in our country, they feel that in this same country others should not have the same rights. I am not Gay, just an American, or just a human being really, and I do not understand how these lines keep crossing.

If it says in the Bible that God doesn’t want you to be gay and you have faith in the Bibles words, FINE, don’t be gay yourself, but when you start to say other people cannot under the American Constitution, I believe that you are being Un-American. Bucking the Constitution in which this country was founded on, in which it has been made great; you are saying that you no longer want to be protected under our laws. What if tomorrow it was illegal for you to be married to your husband or wife? You are saying that it is okay for American law to do that.   

Keep your Church out of my State, I say that with kindness and sincerity, you are not in charge of these peoples souls, if they will go to hell because they wanted to marry their love (and you believe that), that is their priority. I say, GODSPEED to everyone that thinks that they are ready for marriage…. There are so many things that Jesus would do out there, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, love the unloved, provide hope to the hopeless, teach tolerance to the hateful, and encourage kindness in a world that seems cruel. With all this to do, the last thing on the Christian mind should be stopping a certain type of love, right? Until these are all taken care of, let us start prioritizing the sheer desperate need in this “beautiful county”.

My Heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Pete,

I am going to write to each of the points that you brought up, within you beautiful letter, then I would also like to ask your permission to Post your letter on Letscoffeetalk, because I think it is perfect.

I did try to keep Politics off of Letscoffeetalk for so long because I really wanted to focus on a more raw way of getting things done. There are times that I am in a position of questioning my failure or successes with my project of “changing the world for the better”, but I remind myself that making one humans day brighter is a success that goes beyond all of my conception. When you figure one day can be so important, especially if it would be my last, I look at everyday as my only day, no yesterdays and no tomorrows, it is the only day I have. My job is done and just beginning all the time.

I believe that we have a unique relationship in that we have no why’s just is’s. This has allowed both of us to see the beauty within each other without fogging it up with grey matter. I would like to get to know more of my friends in this way, like seeing the core of an apple before the bruises and skin. I suppose I am an oxymoron; there are so many contradictions that ones mind would spin into circles if one would let it.

I recognize that because I don’t believe in endings or beginnings just changes, I believe that this is just another step, there has been many leading to this crossroad, and there will be many more intersections ahead. I will not stop, never, and I will encourage others to change with the change.  You are right; we must move with urgency, this is our time to make a difference.

 Well, there is so many ways to “change” the world; my favorite is making peoples days a bit better one at a time, through kindness and understanding. Our perspective needs to be “changed” to seeing beauty not fear or negativity. Giving compliments, smiles, and little tiny gestures of humanity is the way to make the biggest difference in the most efficient way. Not asking people to agree with me, but asking myself to be alright with disagreement. The abortion topic or any other will always be there, but if I decide to make it a wall between myself and others, I will not move closer to anyone, just further away. There is so much grey area; I have no right to be black and white.

As for our next generation, the only way we can make the promise to our children is to lead by positive example, and show them how, and guide them. I have faith in our children because I have faith in us. Symptoms are taught to our children, but they can be positive rather than negative. Molly and Alex have seen me give love to a stranger, and in turn they will give love to a stranger.

I believe that when we wake up, we have a choice to either be in hell or in heaven, in peace or at war, it is all a moment to moment choice, as we start to guide our perception to peace, and actively seeking it, we will instantly become a happier people. We are Powerful, more than we give ourselves credit for being, more than our government knows, it is time to be positively powerful, as we all make that shift there will be a more successful world as a whole, but this takes one person at a time, making a conscious effort to see the world in this moment as peaceful, loving, and good.   

Nader saved one life and that is something. Do I agree with that law, of course not, but I believe that if that were my son or daughter, I would be thankful for what he did.  See we don’t have to agree to see the beauty in what someone is doing.

There are so many ways to make someone’s life better, sometimes it is cleaning out their closet, and other times it is understanding a woman’s choice to kill her unborn child, it is a huge field of empathy and in some cases sympathy, it is a willingness to sit with someone, just to be there. We are not Jesus Christ (or whom ever you look to for guidance) so the best thing we can do, is take the moment given to us as humans and react like we should. All the unkindness in the world is just a result of knowing we can be that way; know that we can be kind too.  

I know that you would NEVER attack me; I know that you are asking me these questions to ensure that I have thought of these, and answered them in my own mind. I have not failed, if I save one moment a day of someone else’s, my success is huge. I have not sent myself on this journey, nor have you; we are on this journey together just the same. We are all on this journey together, and the ones that don’t know that they are on it yet, are just a few steps behind, it is our job to grab their hand and help them along.  

My Heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

To my dear friend Liz,

Congratulations!  Our man won the white house.  I think it’s funny how you tried keep out of politics within coffeetalk, but it still slipped in.  I figure anyone who boasts that they are creating a web forum to change the world, could not stay out of politics.  Especially at this time.  I also read some of your MySpace blogs where you gave yourself some more freedom with your beliefs.  I think you have done a wonderful job in both of those arenas.  Based on my own experience, I am sure that that there have been times for you that are beyond “challenging” and more “trying.” Where you ask yourself if what you are attempting to do will ever work or succeed.  Which leads to questioning yourself, if it is all worth it?  Let me tell you something, it is worth it; simply because we have to do it.  Unfortunately, it is a job that is never accomplished, there is always more to do.  The Putman books puts it correctly, “there will always be a war between authority and reason, between ignorance and wisdom.”  I think cops fighting against “evil” for “good” have an easier job than what it is you are even thinking of doing. 

This really has brought me to two questions in which I wish to ask you.  There are several things, as our relationship has grown, which I wonder about.  Yes we are close, but we mostly communicate between emails and the forum-which reveals our direct thoughts and passions, yet remove the day to day; which we are more apart of.  So, even though we are close and dear to each other, because we perhaps reveal an “inner side” of selective thoughts (you have no idea that I am a complete ASS when I wake up, which is very difficult to deal with if you have to get grocers at 9 o’clock)have that intimate yet vague understanding of each other.  This is a way for me to say that I feel close and love you as a person, but there is a part of me that knows we have kept things from each other; for later, when we feel more comfortable.  Anyway that is not the point of my questions; but rather, for the last few months, this is what has been plaguing me about you (because you are one of those people who one question can last several months.)

The Direct Question.

Do you consider this a first step or the final step?  You have been active in getting a man elected to president.  This election has change the tactics, with an unprecedented method of getting people to work together, on their own initiative to back a man to lead us.  We have not elected a man to do the job for us, but rather to lead us to do the job.  There is plenty of work, sacrifice, and mistakes to make for each and everyone of us.  I hope you are ready not just to carry on, but to do more, you do not the type to quit just now.

The More Abstract Question

Just how do we change the world?  Do we just change people towards way of thinking, having them think like us makes us feel better?  If everyone agreed with me, my life would be better.  I hope that if we truly looked within ourselves, we would be able to acknowledge the desire for that, yet be pragmatic enough to look beyond it.  Which still leaves the question unanswered.  Do we solve the symptoms of a problem, like “how long can a woman go to term before getting an abortion?” or “what is the age in which a girl should tell her parents?” or find the deeper meaning that “each situation is so diverse to another, along with their personal burdens and potential futures that, no true regulation can possibly define that potential, which leaves only a choice of that of the mother.” You see, when you start really looking at the question it changes from HOW to WHAT. Because HOW only solves the now, we can change someone’s view right now, but what about the next generation? Will it stick? Will someone else have to do our job for us? If we can change WHAT then we hit upon the belief systems that will be taught to their children.  This is a simple question to pose, yet quiet complex within its nature and forever moves us farther into the abstract.  Despite what we would hope for, we must consider what we as humans are capable of.  We have to look at the evidence as to what is within our nature, (I do not hope for peace on earth, it is not with our nature at this time, all I can look forward to is a time when it can be truly within our hope.) 

You see, I know the quest you have put yourself on.  Although we have been on different paths to arrive at this point, we seek the same goal.  Now is the time to look at what that goal really is.  Ralph Natter passed legislation requiring Americans to wear seat belts, although several lives were saved-did he really do anything?  I think you want to change the quality of life, not by having a name brand in your home, but rather a better way of thinking.

I hope that you understand that these are questions in which you have to answer for yourself, not directly to me.  Additionally, that they are not attacks on what you are doing or your success, but rather, a way for you to become more precise and effective. 

Love from a concerned friend,

Pete

The other day I was reading Liz’s comment about negativity and she is so right.   Why do we feel the need to spread it.   If you are bothered by something try thinking of 5 things that are positive about the situation first and then if you decide to talk to anyone, share only those!

Then I got to thinking about what else we spread.  Besides negativity, what we do or say is contagious.  When walking down a hallway deep in thought, do you take the time to smile and say good morning, or do you have a stress look on your face and share with everyone that you’ve had a rough morning.  I can honestly say I’ve done both.  And the first one makes their and your day better.  What do you think the second does?

I have decided to stop wasting other people’s lives, as well as mine, with anything that isn’t sincere and loving.  I am choosing to make a change in myself.  I recently had a friend tell me that life is too precious to waste ANY of it doing anything that is negative.   Gossipping, Complaining, Being Jealous, and so on.  It is very hard, but I challenge everyone to look at their lives as if they could be gone tomorrow.  Do you really want to waste your time on Crap?  Time and lives are precious, don’t waste them.  And Do try to go out of your way to accomplish things that move you.  Even if you feel it might make you late for work, or look silly, reach out and hug a girlfriend, just because you know she is having a rough day.   You might never know how much you’ve helped her.  Call a friend, just to say, I’ve been thinking of you.  Send a card, just because.  Smile at the other customers at the grocery.  Help an elderly person with their groceries.  Pick up cheap flowers at the store for your spouse, significant other, friend, grandparent, lonely neighbor……Just spread good! 

Please do this, our world and yourselves really need to just spread good!

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone on your journeys, Katie. 

Over the past few, well more than few months I have had some heated debates about the “facts” in this election. Never have I thought really that either of the Candidates are bad people, and they aren’t.

The reason that I am voting for Obama is that he inspires America to be hopeful, hard working, and positive. He restores the mindset that Washington is working for America, not the other way around. He has brought back the outlook that we are all together in this, not alone, with out fear. FDR said that the world is an unsafe place, but if you are fearful and too overprotective this country will go down, in so many words, I believe that has happened to a degree. I also believe that we can start a new; I believe that Obama is just the leader we need to start living again in Our America. Fear is debilitating and over the last seven years we have become paralyzed by the message that has been sent, I want my children if I ever have any to not only have the American dream, but not have the American nightmare we have been living for the last seven years.

I wrote on a Blog last night to express my opinion, as Americans historically have been respected for doing, and I was verbally attacked by several Americans with different views or perspectives. I respect their opinion, and if it was a majority of America who wanted McCain to be our president, I would honor “her” choice. We do not have to agree, but we must pull together as American people to make this country a better place for our children.
Who ever wins this election is who America wants to be president, and we need to love her (the people) for allowing all of us to make that choice. After all is said and done, we must love our fellow human beings, love that we are all living in this Great Land, and love our blessings.
This country has taken a turn in these short years, only we have the ability to turn her back around, regardless of who you are voting for, I beg you to be kind, do not fear, and have faith in America.

My Heart is with you on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Lately I guess I have been noticing Negativity a lot more than ever. About a year ago I had read The Power of Now and The Secret, and although the concept was great, I didn’t really start living it until about 6 months ago. Jason is really easy to live with under this way of thinking because he normally has a very positive outlook on his universe and therefore projects it; I have become that way too. Optimistic to annoyance maybe, but I have found that my life is more abundant now than ever, and the facts are just that, facts.

It has been a real challenge for me to not become negative about Negativity though, when I hear it sometimes I have a tendency to get frustrated, when really, I should just think back to a time not so long ago when my glass was half empty. I know I can change my perspective on that too, it just takes a different angle of looking at it.

Money

Have you ever met someone that works so hard but never has a pot to piss in?

I have, I know a lot of these people, their work ethic is second to none, yet they are constantly complaining about their financial condition. They worry about the moneys of tomorrow even if they have enough money for today. They, by worrying, don’t enjoy the fruits of today, nor tomorrow, they are unhappy, and ungrateful, and therefore they never have security not for even one day. The Secret implies that if you say in your mind “I am worried about not having enough money” the “universe” hears that and cannot differentiate that statement from a request, and therefore gives you “not enough” money.

The key is to be grateful today, and have faith in your tomorrows if they even come.

This does not mean, stop planning for your retirement, or saving for that special goal that you have, it just means have faith that the “universe” or “god” or even “yourself” will provide you with the means to be fruitful for all days.

I have often said in the past that I hate “money”, in fact, I do not hate money, I hate the abusive relationships that people have with their and others money.

“I have and will continue to have Abundance, Thank you”

Relationships

This is a BIG ONE, there are so many people searching for love, upset about love loss, scared of never obtaining love, or even scared of losing the love they have today.

Part of these books that I read a year ago, talked about living in this moment, in this day, but I have found that most people who are not happy with the relationship status that they are in, i.e. single, married, separated, or whatever, are simply living either in the past, or in the future, and some of the real “sad” cases bounce back and forth between, but never EVER stay in the present.

Lets take Single for instance, because a lot of people think this is the worst thing to ever happen to someone, which by far is untrue. So many times these “Singles” bounce between the loves they once had and lost and the loves the may never find in the future, therefore never living for today. When I was single not too long ago, (way before I got this concept) I remember people asking me “Why are you single?” “Why aren’t you married?” “Are you looking for a boyfriend?” the concept that I was perfectly happy was far beyond any notion that they could accept. I was happy, I truly was, and I remember feeling like a bit of a “freak” because I was not nearly as upset at they thought I should be, I wasn’t upset at all.

Maybe because I had a relationship based on love and respect with myself (the first healthy relationship I had ever had, by the way), but I did not long for loves past or loves future, I had love.

Love eventually came to me, and when it did I was calm, and ready to let it sit beside me, I was not too eager, it came in a healthy way. You know with courting, and laughing, and eventually loving and respecting, and then lastly trusting.

I feel the same now as I did when I was single, I just have someone there with me, enjoying some moments.

I won’t drag on too much about marriage and separation. But I do know this if you live in the past or the future when you are in these moments the marriage or separation will with all certainty fail completely. If you need me to talk more to this topic, please feel free to coffee-talk with me about it. I have lived in the past of the marriage, and the future of the marriage and it failed miserably. I have live in the past in separation, and the future in separation, also failed.

Love is not something someone gives you, it is something that you give.

Happiness

I sat at the table a few days ago with a friend, and although the lunch we were having was great I remember my friend looking to another table and commenting on how happy they were, my friend eluded to the fact that they longed for happiness like that. My ego went unhurt, but I thought to myself that happiness is nothing other than being grateful for what is at your table, what blessings you have, and if you continuously look at those blessings, you are bound to be happy.

The key to happiness overall is being thankful or grateful for what the “universe” or your “God” or you “yourself” has given you.

If you are constantly looking at the grass on the other side, you never ever notice how beautiful your own lawn is.

Health

Health is one of the most talked about feelings on earth. How are you feeling?

I have met perfectly healthy people that always complain about their health. Therefore they always feel crappy.

I have met perfectly sick people that never complain about their health. Therefore they always feel great.

The mind is a beautiful powerful tool, I suggest we use it. I suggest we utilize it in everything that we are.

Perspectives

Your Perspective is your only truth. I am thankful for those perspectives in this world that I see as optimistic and healthy, I pray you do too….

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Trust is such a strange word; it almost implies that you have to put yourself out there on a limb. I have noticed lately that the person for years that I trusted the least was me and after getting to know who I was, I slowly started taking my word as “gold”.

I had second guessed myself for so long when I was young, if I felt something was wrong; my brain would automatically start its “logical talk down” of how I was feeling.

I always got burned. Always.

What I started to do unconsciously is listen to my feelings, and over the last few years I have begun to trust myself without even knowing it. When I meet someone that I “feel” is not a good person for me to be around, I wait, and they always prove me right. If I feel I should not be in a situation, I leave, and I always hear stories of what went wrong. See, I believe it is our gut that is our first instinct.

You know, it is not always used to detect bad now. When I meet someone that I feel like I have a connection to, I go with it, I trust myself. I met my friend Tracey that way. A few of my friends were going for a “drink” at one of our local watering holes, and when I got there, ordered a glass of wine, and sat down, they all wanted to go somewhere else. I am no stranger to sitting somewhere alone, so I said go. They left and before you knew it I was in a great conversation with a complete stranger. I enjoyed her conversation, and strangely knew that I would be friends with her for a long, long time. I was right, we have lunch once a week now, and thank goodness I trusted myself.

Trust yourself above all others.

My heart is with you on your journey, the heart that I trust.

Lizzy

I had an AH HA moment last week and I really need to share this with everyone.  There was a commercial where a mother starts yelling at her child in a store, there are are other customers all saying that someone should do something.  A woman grabs a mirror and holds it up in front of the mom.  Wow!  I think that is the best thing ever!  Try it yourself.   In any situation use a mirror to determine your mood and how you are reacting.  Before you go into any situation, look in the mirror and remember how you look.  If your children are arguing with you and you are losing your temper, look in the mirror.   If you have to deal with a pain in the butt, or negative person, look in the mirror and put on the happiest most confident face.  What you see in the reflection will really effect your mood and how you handle your life.  The frustration and irritation will leave your mood and mind, if you look in the mirror and throw on your good face, it will really make you happy and confident.  Wow!  It gives a new definition to “what you see is what you get”. 

Now I know why Liz has soooo many mirrors in her home.  I am putting up more everyday.

Katie

I have never found any virtue in “stay the course” and “sticking to your guns.” In today’s political climate you hear these phrases thrown around and it makes me wince. Because what they are saying is “I believe in something wrong and I am impress that they can ignore how wrong they are.” I shutter when I hear people say there is no such thing as global warming. I know back in the 80’s and early 90’s I said the same thing; such as “this could be a natural occurrence.” I said these things back then because I did not like the implications of agreeing with it. It made me uncomfortable. 15 years latter I am wiser, I realize that facts are facts, evidence can not be ignored, and just because I do not like it does not make less real. I want to live my life with as little falsehoods as possible, which means that I have to change my opinion and ideas when new things come and affect them. Faith in something, implies that you will not change your believe; and some think changing your ideas is a bad thing. I do not. It means that you can adapt to situations as they come up. It also indirectly, strengthens those things I believe, because I understand why I have come to that conclusion and I know what it would take to change them. It is work. I think Bayes theorem demonstrates how changing your decision can improve your chances of success. Unfortunately, it is human nature to not want to think. We want to collect a comfortable world view and make all your decisions based on that world view without ever questioning or changing it. To simply have the faith that you are always right.

Pete

I have done my best to keep “Politics” off letscoffeetalk.com over the last few months. The reason that I have not focused on this election on this site is because I wanted women and men of all walks of life to enjoy getting together for discussion with friends.

I need to discuss something about politics today because I feel that in my heart of hearts, this subject could be the most important subject thus far in this election, and I want to call to action my fellow females as American women, strong women, and fair women to step up and make a informed choice.

The Republican Party nominated a woman as their Vice Presidential Candidate this week named Sarah Palin. This was a decision made by the Republican Party to sway some of the “Hilary” voters to jump onboard; it was not John McCain’s first choice, but his final choice none the less.

While it is “ground breaking” to have a woman nominated into office, as well as exciting, I want us “as women” to remember what it means to be “equals”. Years ago when our mothers and grandmothers fought to be “equals” and fought for “women’s rights” they stood strong that we were just as good as any man with the same qualifications. We could essentially do anything a man could do, and they fought hard to get us where we are today. THEY FOUGHT HARD FOR US not to be set aside because we are a woman, they wanted us to be “equals”.

They did not want us to be chosen just because we are females either, they wanted “equality”.  

I beg you as American women to please not use the vote that our foremothers fought for without looking at all the facts. If you were going to vote for Hilary Clinton and are considering voting for Sarah Palin instead, here are a few differences in what they believe, if you chose to vote for Sarah Palin because you believe with her, so be it, but you must know and respect the differences.

1)      Sarah Palin is Pro-Life, or more importantly Anti-choice. Even in the event of incest or rape, she does not believe that we, as women, are the best judges for our bodies.

2)      She believes in teaching Abstinence ONLY for sex education.   

3)      Sarah Palin does not believe in equal pay for equal work for women. According to the McCain campaign she supports it, but in fact she opposes the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

4)      Sarah Palin does not believe in providing affordable healthcare to all. (Not free, but Affordable)

5)      Sarah Palin believes in the war in Iraq, although she openly admits that she has no plan for the war.

6)      Sarah Palin believes that drilling is the major “answer” to our oil crisis.

7)      Sarah Palin does NOT believe that Global warming is cause by humans.

      Sarah Palin does not support Gay Unions, although she has “friends” that are “gay”, they are “good enough” to be her friend, but not good enough for health/retiree benefits.    

9)      Sarah Palin has not protected Endangered Species, she threatened to sue the Federal Government for putting Polar Bears in the Endangered Species List warning that “it would adversely affect energy development in Alaska”. She also opposed strengthening protection on the Beluga Whales in Alaska’s Cook Inlet, where oil and gas development has been proposed, on economic grounds.

Please vote based on the Nominees Principals and Values. If you believe the same way as Palin does, by all means, but if you don’t believe the same way, vote accordingly….

Just because someone is a woman does not mean that they are like you.

I plead that you do not let our foremothers hard SERVICE go unappreciated.

Thank you to all the women that fought for equality, I will NOT let you down,

Lizzy 

OK, I am writing this, not to brag or tell everyone what I do, but I would love to share this idea. Every winter, we have the traditional Salvation Army Bell Ringers. We all see them. Are you someone who gives or speed walks past and hopes not to make eye contact? Some are happy doing this monotonis bell ringing, politely smiling at all who walk by. Some are freezing and look disgruntled. Then there is this one gentleman…. Every year he stands outside a local store and sings. He sings Christmas carols. He SINGS! Smiling, LOUDLY SINGING, In the freezing weather! I have decided that he is a Christmas Angel. Some of you will understand this comment. That there is usually someone or something that triggers the happy Christmas feeling. Christmas lights, music, or anything that just gives you the warm ready to give feeling. Well, this last year, I was in a funk and couldn’t get into the spirit of Christmas. I tried, I really did. Then, on a usual shopping trip, I see this familiar face (he has been doing this a few years now). He was singing at the top of his lungs. In a time of “happy holidays” verses “Merry Christmas”, He was singing Christmas carols as loudly as he could with a smile from ear to ear. This made me smile. Uncontrollably. (In case you didn’t know, smiles are contagious). It was about 10 degrees outside and he was happy! He wasn’t thinking about himself and it made him feel good, wow, amazing how that works. So, on my way past, I smiled and said “It’s a hot coffee kind of day” he smiled and said “hot cocoa was his favorite”. So my wheels started turning. I went in and bought 2 hot cocoas. One for him and one for the gentleman at the other entrance (who didn’t understand the cocoa delivery) I dropped them off and went on with my shopping. Feeling so good about the holiday. Then an amazing thing happened. I left the store and the man told me I was an angel. Wow, I was just calling him that. Can you be and angel for your angel? I guess so. This tradition has continued. I always take hot cocoa for the bell ringers, I feel that the 2 bucks spent to keep the bell ringers energized is better that putting the same amount in the red bucket. I look forward to the bell ringers every year. Especially the Singer! As if this story couldn’t get better, it does. I over heard a woman while I was eating lunch, talking about “the hot cocoa lady”. And how she helped her husband with the Christmas spirit. She is married to the Singer. Liz reminds us about random acts of kindness touching so many others, and this is proof. I thought I was warming him on a cold day, but I ended up rejuvenating him, this wonderful man that touches so many others, and his wife was telling her coworkers about how it affected her. I wonder how many people we can affect with one act of kindness. How many people can you affect with something little? Even just by sing a song or smiling instead of looking like your dreading a duty or job. Smile! Smile! Smile! It’s contagious.

When I first started this website I had a vision of making lives better. Somehow, helping lives one at a time. Yesterday I was watching T.V. and eating pork fried rice, and it hit me….. Why am I limiting myself? Just like we (as humans) constantly do, limit what we can accomplish by not stepping back and looking at the big picture… We have around 500 readers currently…. I thank you all for that.

What if those 500 readers could influence 2 people a day that would be 1000 people a day whose lives are better because Letscoffeetalk….. Actually 1,500 including the Coffee talkers….

This started me thinking of the power that we possess. Anyone that reads letscoffeetalk for more than ten seconds is most likely interested in either making themselves “better” or at least exploring “change”. This got me thinking about random things that make me happy.

If everyone on earth was able to help two or more people a day, the world would be a better place wouldn’t it? I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here, I am not getting to the point that we need to “give” more time or money to a charity, although, if you’ve got it, GODSPEED… I am talking about a far less intrusive venture….. Give what you have got already…. KINDNESS….

How many times have you heard someone say “I hate people”? I have heard it time and time again, especially working in sales. What I have found is people really don’t “hate” people; they hate what people make them feel like. What if we could change one by one the way people made other people feel like? I know we can.

If we were able to change the way we make people feel, then eventually the feeling of hatred would be gone right? What if by changing the way we make people feel, made us feel instantly better? Win, Win situation right?

So after this “thought” sat heavy on my brain all night long, I decided to try to make a list of ways to make others feel better……

But First…..

The MEAN PEOPLE….

So yeah, there are a lot of these people out there, the “budgers”, the “bitchers”, the “yellers”, the “know-it-alls”, the “snobs”, the “stuck-ups”, the “ignorers”, the “arguers”, the anal retentives”, the “judgers”, the “manipulaters”, the “liars”, the “stealers”, the “idiots”, the “who ever makes you feel badders”…….

PRETEND THEY ALL HAVE AN INCURABLE DISEASE….. AND THEY ARE TAKING IT OUT ON YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO DIE SOONER THAN LATER…..

This will stop your EGO from taking it so personally, and then taking it out on someone else…. The fact is, these people are insecure, and that is almost an incurable disease that doesn’t allow you to live anyway, so they are dying…. This will make you feel sorry for them instead of ready to rip their head from their shoulders…. Puts you in control. I used this a lot in sales, and I must say, I was happier, and I was able to make a lot more people “happy” because I did not take it personally.

Back to Random ways to make people and yourself happier…….

1. Complimenting

Random compliments to random people…. One day at Starbucks I walked in feeling quite good about myself to get my standard latte, and be on my way. When I walked into line a lady stared me down with the crappiest look on her face, my first reaction was not good, I thought “who does this lady think she is, looking at me this way?”, but I did not react that way. I gave her “pretend cancer” in my mind, and searched for something I liked about her outfit. Her glasses were it! I said “Excuse me, your glasses are perfect for your face, I love them”, which I did, they looked great. She looked at me and tears welled up, she said “You have no idea how much I needed a compliment today, thank you”.
I could have reacted with my first instinct which was not nice, but instead, I made her day, and I felt so good about myself for not letting my stupid EGO make my move.
Complementing sincerely to random people at random times is one of the best charities we are able to give… Compliment, Compliment, Compliment…. Be sincere….

2. Give….

Give…. Not money, Not blocks of time, Not clothing, or Valuables, give random “gifts” to random people. Like your place in line at the grocery store to an old person, or a mother, or someone that has 10 items vs. your basket full. Give an extra chair that you aren’t using. Give someone your closer parking spot. Give someone a smile for no reason. Get the door for someone. Lift someone’s luggage into the overhead bin. GIVE, GIVE, GIVE….. Most importantly, don’t tally what you GIVE; tally what is given to you.

3. Thank YOU

What a powerful statement…. “Thank you”…. Thank every single person for everything. We are supposed to do it when we are five, but somehow we expect the world to serve us. Even worse, we think because we are paying for something we shouldn’t have to “thank” someone. When did Money = Thanks? It doesn’t.
Be thankful for the person who got up at 5 am to get your latte ready for you, especially when you know you were tucked deep into your bed dreaming of the latte you are about to receive. Be thankful for the 22 year old that watches 15 toddlers at your child’s daycare, especially when you know most people would lose their mind. Be thankful for the gas station attendant that passes through 100’s of people with a smile, but rarely gets one returned. Be thankful for the guy who lets you into traffic, and be thankful for the family that drives you nuts getting out the door. Most importantly, tell them “thank you”. Look every single person who gives you something in the eyes and tell them “Thank you”. Your money is not all a human being needs.

4. Open the Door

Open the door for everyone. This gives the impression that you are humble, and immediately humbles whom ever you come in contact with. It is a simple act that makes everyone feel good including the “opener”.

5. Old People

Old People deserve if for no other reason than surviving this world, kindness. Give them kindness, and kindness will be returned. Help them with their luggage, groceries, parking spots, and anything else that will make their stay here on earth more enjoyable. You will soon be there, your body will not perform like it once did, your mind not as sharp maybe, but one thing is for sure, you will be there, and when you are there, you will need someone like you to be kind.

6. Children

We preach…. Teach, teach, teach these little humans, but no one ever talks about Learn, Learn, Learn from these little creatures. Make one laugh, and you will laugh. Make a child smile and you will smile. They are free and they are influenced by the slightest things, if a stranger is kind to them, maybe one day, they will be kind to a stranger, and maybe that stranger will be you.

7. Control Your World

Remember when I said that we usually don’t hate people, we hate how people make us feel. There is really no way to control everyone on earth (contrary to popular belief), but there is a way to control how you deal with others….. Which changes the perspective all together; you can control your environment, which is the only thing you know anyway, so in your reality you can control everyone that you come in contact with. Your reaction is a choice. “He made me mad”, well, the way I look at it, you are really saying “I let him make me made”. “It makes me sick” really says “I let it make me sick”. “They offended me” means “I let them offend me”. “He hurt me” means “I let him hurt me”. My niece is 7 years old, right now she is having trouble grasping when something upsets her, that she is in fact in control of herself. As I watched her flip out because her mother was forcing her to wear an outfit that was not to “her Liking”, it hit me, she is letting this get the better of her, if she only had self discipline with her little emotions, she would get what she wanted. Well, she doesn’t, she let herself get so worked up that she made everyone miserable, and still had to wear the “bum” outfit. All because she can’t control own emotions yet! Now, she will learn, but for the rest of us, we don’t have being 7 as a “grand” excuse. Stop letting others make you “unkind”. You are in charge of your own kindness.

8. Forgive

Forgive EVERYTHING/BODY…. Most important FORGIVE YOU. I say this because this seems to be the hardest thing on earth for some humans to do. Most the time, when you can’t stand people, you are most upset that you let yourself get upset by them. Forgive yourself for being out of control, and forgive them for not being kind. FORGIVE

9. Make a decision to be Kind

There is no part time “kind”, there is full time “kind” and that is all. You are either aware of others or not, make a commitment to be aware, make a commitment to make the world a better spot to live in. Someone that you meet today is hurting, someone that you meet today is capable of passing kindness on, and usually they are the same person.

Please be KIND to all the Coffee talkers and future Coffee talkers out there, including you….

My heart is with you on your journey!

Lizzy

I need your help with ideas for simple kindness……. Please Comment….. Thank you!

Leave it to me to take this into the political areana, but I’ve been reading a fascinating book, Cracking the Code by Thom Hartmann. Its really an intense read about communication and how to understand what we hear and how to better communicate with others that see the world from a different perspective. Some observations;

Conservatives see the world as inheritly evil, government is trying to take my money, what’s in it for me, those lazy welfare mothers are ripping me off, the only thing government should be about is police, prison, and the military, the free market is the only solution, fear, fear, and more fear, nothing should interrupt their accumulation of material wealth.

Liberals look the world with a what’s best for US attitude, hope for the future, the government can do things to help the people, WE THE PEOPLE, the framers of the Constitution were brilliant, the teachings of Jesus were pure, we must share our “common wealth”

I hear the conservative bemoan the welfare mother who is taking advantage of the system, and yet defend Dick Cheney who as CEO of Halliburton set up 44 shadow off shore companies to evade paying taxes. Which action do you think takes the most from our “common wealth”. The consevative complains about the size and interference of government, thinking that the free market will cure all. He does this as he enjoys the benefits of that government intrusion………clean air, clean water, fire and police protection, the interstate highway system, the military and national guard, safe foods and medicines, safer cars and other products, free public education through grade 12 for his children, and you’ll be damn sure he’ll accept social security and Medicare when he qualifies. He’ll champion the concept of “privatization” and never complain that we’re paying $1220.00 a day to a Blackwater employee to do the job an army sargent is paid $85.00 a day to do. He’ll sing the praises of the Bush tax cuts and ignore that 10% of the taxes he pays go to paying off debt from borrowed money from countries like Saudia Arabia and China. He’ll ignore that he will be leaving his children and grand children huge debt to pay off……..but what does he care………..he’s doing fine…….now. He will ignore that part of the reason he’s paying over $4 for gas is the weak dollar, caused by this foreign debt.  He’ll complain that its the greenies and liberals who have prevented oil drilling in American parks and off the coast, without knowing that ANWR at best would reduce our imports by only 4% and off shore would only satisfy 1.5% of our needs and only last 2.5 years.

.

I was wondering, what percentage of conservatives believe in original sin compared to liberals?

Fear is a quicker motivator than hope [ look at what GW did in the 2004 election ] . We could probably count on one hand the times he has not used the fear tactic. But, hope is the better long range motivator [ look at what the most successful growth oriented companies like Microsoft do].

I don’t know about you, but I’m damn tired of “fear”. I’m looking for someone who can inspire us to reach our full potential, not just as an individual but as a society. I’m looking for someone who can restore America to the position of true greatness. And I’m damn scared that either Isreal and/or America [ the Bush neocons ] will bomb Iran and start world war 3.
 

Maybe America is what happens when the cookie is never enough.

Interesting, how Pete talks about how we start at the earliest of ages, learning that if we are not feeling good, something external will fix it.

A treat
a toy
a cookie
designer jeans
a car
a big house
a beer
a case of beer
a bigger house
invade a country?

This paradigm of finding something in the outside world to make us right in our inside world can be argued to be the source of many problems we face, obesity, addiction, annoying devotion to a particular sports team, a loud coffee can exhaust, low self esteem and all it’s wonderful side effects . . . .

I don’t know about how to teach a crying child who wants a cookie how to have the existential “ah haa” moment realizing that the cookie isn’t really going to result in true happiness, but it sure is an interesting question. Most chubby little babies look like buddha, perhaps they can find inner peace and well being and actually be buddhas.

Are we creating a society of increasingly externally gratified persons who will just keep searching and searching the world for happiness when all they really need to do is search within?

Respect & Love,

Jammy

Wow, I love this subject. I have been saying for years that causing your child to be obese should be child abuse. Notice I used the word CAUSING. We, as parents, are the cause. Our children are the effect. I am so sick and tired of hearing parents complain. “Bobby” just won’t eat anything else, “Suzy” only likes —– (insert your desired name of something, like donuts or sugar cereal). And then they follow it up with. “I can’t” help it, control them, stop them, get them to,…. A huge array of excuses. What it comes down to.. I’m too lazy to…

I’m sure that I am touching a nerve on some people, but those are the ones that need this. Here is the truth. Your children can’t eat what you don’t buy. So what if they throw a fit in the store about not getting what they want. Suck it up. Ignore them and buy what you know it better for them, and leave. After a couple of unsuccessful tries, they will stop the fit throwing. And yes, there will be relapses. They will see a new commercial and try the fit again the next time, but here is what you need to say. “I said NO”

Do you think you are harming them by saying “NO”? Nope, you are harming them by saying “YES”!

Your children won’t eat what isn’t in your home. For example, some kids are snackers. I have one. So my fridge is filled with grapes, carrots, tomatos, WATER,…. They are CHILDREN. You are the PARENT. Your job it to protect them.

Why would you say yes to something that causes harm. Rat poison, cleaners, chemicals… those poison our children, so at a small age, we put locks on our cabinets and tell our children no,no, that is bad, it will hurt you. Not a big deal, right. So instead we fill them with crap that hurts them. Causing obesity, diabetes, thyroid problems, knee pain, low self esteem…. an endless list. Why don’t we tell them NO to the bad overindulgant food? We are poisoning our children!

Please don’t think I am preaching, being self righteous. I have two children. Both that love pastries, and candy, and cake, and pop….But here is the kicker. I only allow them on occasions, and then in small increments. Then they are special. I am teaching my children not to over indulge, not to turn to food, not to become obese! I struggle with my weight, a large number of my family does. But MY CHILDREN DON”T AND THEY WON”T. As parents our job is to give them the tools they need to succeed. I am giving them these tools. Self control, and appreciation. Self control is a tool that will work in any situation through life. School, work, anywhere. and so is Appreciation. They appreciate something special. If you give your kid a plate cake everyday, then why be excited to have birthday cake. If you give them fast food everyday, then what is a special occasion (probably a home cooked meal). OUR CHILDREN ARE THE ME GENERATION!!! And WE are CAUSING the problem.

I have chosen not to put my children in a bad situation, thus the child abuse comment at the beginning of this comment. If you are putting your children is a bad situation, it’s neglect and abuse. So Stop! Put the crap back on the grocery shelf, back out of the drive through, and dump out the can of pop. Pick up some fruit, fill a glass of water, and go on a walk!-Kate

“Hi my name is Pete and I have addictions.”

I am a smoker, coffee and alcohol drinker. Out of all of them smoking is defiantly the addiction. How did I get this way? Like all Americans I was taught two things from our culture; one, immediate reward compared to long term is easier and acceptable. Two, if you don’t like the way to feel, consume something to make you feel different. Of the two, I think the latter is more pervasive and subtle in our society, so I am going to delve into that and save the first for another day.

My ex-wife laughed one day because she overheard me talking to our infant son. He had been crying and as I gave him a bottle I said, “here, at least this will make you feel different.” Okay, I had read it somewhere in a book and applied it to my baby. But that is what we do here in our culture, we find ways to avoid unpleasantness by basically changing the subject. We assume that it will make us feel better or even happy but really all we do is assert another sense to make us feel different. I feel rejected and hurt; so I eat some ice cream now I feel full. I feel like a failure in my marriage; so I have sex with someone at a bar now I feel desirable. I feel like a looser; so I do a line of coke and now I feel like a winner. Think about why some people buy excessive shoes, outfits, boats, etc. This all stems from when we were little and we were asked, “Do you want a cookie? It will make you feel better.” It does not make us feel better, because it has not solved what is making us feel bad. If this is the only defense mechanism we know as adults what else can we possible teach our children?

Unfortunately Liz you plea will not produce the effect that you desire. Instead of waking them up, they will feel guilty and ashamed. Those feelings are very unpleasant and they have only one defense mechanism to cope…-Pete

Today when I walked into Starbucks I saw what I might find most offensive in Parenting…..

Why is it that overweight parents don’t mind killing their children? 

I walked into Starbucks today on my way to the grocery store (always better to have coffee with you at the grocery, curbs your hunger), I saw a woman that was probably 250 pounds, and I need not discribe her height, because unless she was 8 foot tall (which she wasn’t) at any normal height she is grossly over weight. This was not anything that offended me, I learned to ignore obesity a long time ago, sure it is the powerful ship that is sinking our nation, I just choose daily not to be on the ship. I simply feel sorry when I see someone that won’t stop eating. I have stopped giving random advise, even when asked, portion control, exercise, blah, blah, blah, everyone knows what cures this killer, but still it never stops.

Behind this oversized woman was a little boy about my niece Alex’s age. You could tell that he was a well behaved child, based on his general demeanor. She had already made her selections when I stepped up to order my Tall Latte, when I did move up to the counter a parade of pastries past by my nose, the clerk handing them to the mother. The pastries were oversized just like every other portion ordered in America today. So between ordering and picking up my prized Latte, I went to the washroom as I often do to not waste any time.

By the time I got back, this little boy had consumed the better part of the “way too big” pastry. When I looked at them, they were not talking, just eating, and a feeling of sadness came over me.

Here she has this darling little boy or what should be a little boy, truth be told he had me by I am sure ten pounds, and he now has a weight problem. Why?

My judgement is of ignorance. Can someone help me understand why these mothers who are overweight themselves cast the same hell upon the child?

A mothers love is stonger than any love, but we see these children killed by the one who is supposed to love them more than anyone else. Does sugar equal love? With all the information at our fingertips; how can these children get left behind, and if the mother will not fight for them, who will?

According to  Alvin Poussaint, M.D. 20% of our children in this country are obese.

If 20% of our children had lets say Polio we’d be freaking out. Why are we not freaking out now? Obesity leads to diabetes…..  Which can lead to heart disease, high blood pressure, kidney disease, stroke, limb amputations, and blindness. Okay, this is freaking me out….. The only thing that I can say to everyone is “HELP”!

What are we blaming right now?

1- Video Games

2- Fast Food

3- T.V.

Those are the major ones, but I am going to step up and say unless one of you guys can convince me differently, this is the parents fault. 100%.

20% of our children are struggling, and that means 20% of our parents just don’t care, and if they say they do care, they don’t care enough.

Here is my advise-

1- STOP SUGAR

Both the parents and the children… Only special occasions (you might want to give your child the gift of not expecting special occasions all the time, this will be a lot easier when they grow up and special occasions rarely happen anyway, that means once a week. That is it.

2- Stop Fast Food

It is so crappy for you both, just stop eating it. Once a month maybe treat yourselves, if ever!  It will literally kill you and kill your kid, watch the movie “Super Size Me”. If you can eat Fast Food after that, maybe you need counsiling for the addiction.

3- Get Moving

In the morning, before you lose your will to let your child live (a healthy long life that is), go on a walk, dance for twenty minutes, hoola hoop for twenty minutes, DO SOMETHING. Do something in the morning to remind yourself all day long that you are resposible for that person you brought into this world. The world can be somewhat crappy sometimes, why make it harder than it already is?

4- Watch the show “Honey We’re Killing the Kids” 

Watch it with your child. Make them a part of your new healthy life. The truth is you are killing your child both in body and spirit.

I have noticed if the parent is overweight the child is likely to be too. Now I have no idea if parents just don’t get that if it isn’t working for themselves it probably won’t work for the child either, or if they don’t think that it is wrong to put the kid through the same thing they go through. The health hazards alone would be worth stopping for, but that isn’t the worst of it, they either get teased to DEATH at school, they become a bully so they don’t get teased, or they make fun of themselves all day so no one has the chance to rip them apart. NONE of these are healthy mindsets to be in. You are setting them up for major failure as an adult.

If they get teased all day, they will have to prove themselves for years after school to become balanced. Not to mention how “fat” people are treated as an adult, even in the workplace. I am not saying that it is fair, I am saying that is how it is.

If they are a Bully, that crap doesn’t work in the real world, so they won’t know how to solve anything when they get out into it. Problem solving is not beating up or threatening someone in the real world. We have all had that boss, the one that doesn’t last long, remember him/her? I do, he was always kindly referred to as the “asshole”.

If they make fun of themselves all the time, the most powerful person they have influencing them is themselves, they start to believe the things they say…. If all they are doing is putting themselves down they will be down. Down is no where to start in the real world. Down may be where you are, please for your childs sake, get back up, fight, if for no one else, your child.

PLEASE STOP PARENTS… YOUR CHILDREN ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS!!!!!

HELP!

Your opinions are GREATLY needed…. HELP me understand…..

Lizzy
 

Wow this is a really good post Liz. There is an awful lot here to go over, I would like to see it broken down a bit as separate posts because I don’t think I can comment on all the issues.

As to Republicans, I usually shut them up with a quote that a co-worker said to me when I was in construction building a high rise in Chicago. He pointed to a homeless guy sleeping in the ally and said to me “you’re closer to being him than you are Bill Gates.” Generally, everyone is closer to being homeless than they are to being Bill Gates. The real Republicans are the uber rich and all the other Republicans want to be uber rich. If you believe in the trickle down theory, go ahead and hang out with the rich, try to catch a drop of sweat from them like a little bird. I know the rich don’t sweat, because they are rich.

The impression I get from your post is “What do you really want from this interaction?” I find that most people have no clue as to what they really want from an interaction. What they say they want certainly does not fit with their behavior because their behavior does not give them what they want. However, I have learned that people do behave in a way that they get what they want, it’s just more of a sub-conscious emotional desire that they have not identified. How many times have we gotten what we said we wanted only to be dissatisfied with it, that it did not fulfill our expectation? What you are suggesting is really difficult for most people because you are asking them to confront their motivation, which brings into question, if they really “should” want what they really want. I am sorry, I have to stop writing here, this topic could be a whole book.-Peter

I’d Rather Be “Rich” Than “Right”

This is my ALL time favorite saying. Harry Freidman said it in one of his “many” sales trainings which I was lucky enough to be enlightened by. This is such a valuable statement, yet most people don’t understand it, and certainly don’t live by it. This concept is very profitable in business, mainly because the EGO makes so many decisions in our workforce, the EGO makes us long to be “right” all the time. This concept accounts for all the “good” and bad decisions made in the workforce or at the very least 99% of them. For those “leaders” and “leadees” out in the market that “get” this concept have a strong tendency to succeed, and for those who do not, they usually fail, and are miserable in the process. This goes for personal life too, but for now we will keep it in business mode….  

Now, who hasn’t had a boss, or a direct report that needs to prove CONSTANTLY that they know more than you do? They are always “right” and you are always “wrong”, and even when it proves beyond a reasonable doubt that you were in fact “right”, they blame it on wrong information, or a “wrong” circumstance. Either way, “someone else was wrong”; with the wrong information they were given, they still made