What is the difference?

My friend gave me a necklace that states on one side “Love the life you Live” and on the other side it says “Live the Life You Love”. It is a beautiful necklace, one of these pieces that you can wear with anything from a t-shirt to a go out on the town with your best girlfriends in your sexy stilettos type outfits. A piece that you are so proud to wear because your best newest girlfriend gave it to you. I left for a six day trip to Mexico with nine other girlfriends all the while the thought of this necklace kept coming to me as I was cocktailing it up with the people that I love, waiting to go home to the husband that I love, and looking forward to calling my family that I love, this necklace kept coming into my mind.

Over the last six, seven, maybe even eight years that it has taken me to find this place in my life, I am thinking about how it came to be this, how did I find a life that I love? How did I come to love the life I had, and when did they both meet?

So the thoughts about this keep coming. When did they come together, I try and try, but I cannot find exactly when it happened. Maybe it was when I chose not to be unhappy anymore, maybe it was when I started living day to day, not month to month anymore, or year to year, or mainly not living in the past anymore.

Was it when I started living like I was important or was it when I stopped taking myself so seriously?

Love the Life you Live?

To me this is a sexy way to say count your blessings. Look at all the love in your life and wrap your heart around each part of it and never forget what this universe has already given you. No matter how shitty your life is there is something good in this life and if there is nothing in sight, look harder, look broader, and if it still lost turn around, go the other way. Look up to see the sun, down to see the flowers, east to see the sun rise, and west to see the sunset, there is beauty for all of us, it is the choice to see it. You have that choice and I believe that is “Love the Life you Live” it is the choice to see the beauty.

Live the Life You Love?

Unlike the choice to see the beauty, I believe that this is choice, yes, just more detailed. This is about careful subtraction and addition and in that order. Living the life you love means taking away the things that make you unhappy, even if it means the removal of people, expensive things, or a not so dreamy job. Subtracting unhappiness was hard for me, I thought that losing something could never be better than having it, completely untrue. I removed myself from a marriage that was not happy, I lived in the perfect no frills flat, and I quit my job for a less stressful one, I continuously get rid of friends that are not positive, and I must say that there has been more gained from subtraction than there has been from addition. Although, once I had all of these distractions out of my life, it was much easier to add the things and people that count. I realized that as I lived without the things I did not want, it was easier to see the things that I loved and wanted around me, especially with people. So I guess making the choice to “Live the Life You Love” means to make choices that let you be happy, you get rid of the crap in your life, and overall you choose happiness. For instance I realized that having a garbage disposal is important to me, so is having friends that care what is going on with my life, or having respect at work, of having a husband that thinks that I am interesting, who I feel the same about, these are the things I learned by taking all the distraction away, cleaning the slate, and starting with a fresh canvas….. I am Living the life I love…

I have been grateful for this necklace and I choose to wear it often…..

My Heart is With You on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Walking down the road the other day my neighbor stopped to say hello. We commented on how we have not had much of a summer and how we had no idea what was going on in each others lives. We decided we needed some sort of a news letter, jokingly of course we said that he should write it, he responded “I am not the writer, you are”. I felt like looking behind me to see who he was talking to. Oh yeah, it was me, I like to write and in some circles I used to be known as the ever mysterious “writer”, a title I was always intimidated by, yet oddly drawn to. Well, grateful for the reminder that I do love to write, and for the boost of confidence that I can.

The last few weeks I have had my nieces for a week each, a gift in my life, also a reminder just how quick childhood flies by, not necessarily for the child, but for the hearts that surround that little human. These two are amazing, my sister is an outstanding mother, plus they have had all of us surrounding them with opinions, facts, jokes, and the occasional reprimand for their own good. I look at them and am shocked that just twenty years ago that was me, getting to know the world, hell that is me now.

They look at the world with such fresh eyes and each time I am around them I too change my perspective, a theory I have been working on for some time. Today my father in law said “She is so full of life, it makes you feel younger just being near her”. It does. I believe that children do make you see the earth in a much healthier way. It is all of a sudden fun to jump up and down for no reason, not to lose weight, just for fun? Opening yourself to just the idea that everything doesn’t need a reason, purpose, or end result, it can just be.

So, a warning, I plan to jump up and down for no reason from here on out! So if you see a crazy person on the sidewalk jumping, don’t think anything of it. It is just me, getting a grip.

I think that when we go through the “growing up process” we will commonly dispose of the quality that makes people great, our ability to look at each day like it is one of our firsts, to see things that are not there yet, to use our imagination.

“Owning a horse is simple, I will just win the lottery”, well, it probably statistically is not that easy, but it is much easier to have the carefree “matter of factness” that children often possess. What does that hurt? So often we are so afraid that our children will be disappointed that we slam down these thoughts, true or untrue on the ease of winning the lottery, why do we choose to forfeit dreams to avoid disappointment?

I can see if they refuse to do school work because they “plan” to win the lottery, or be a pro football player when they are scrawny, then you step into action, I am saying for the extras, the things that we know as adults are not critical, like a horse, a pool, the go cart, what ever it is. Stop avoiding disappointment, you will only be disappointed. Your child will eventually be afraid of disappointment and make their life choices accordingly. Yuck, more sheep, that is NOT what we need.

Do you ever just sit there and day dream? What would it hurt if you did? Why not?

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Okay, so here is it, the straight talk I promised all of you as a friend. I have something that you are supposedly looking for, so I suggest you listen. If you choose not to, I am calling your bluff, you do not want happiness to begin with, you want the pursuit, you want the chase, but in fact you do not want to be happy.

Over the years, I admit, I have put myself in the position of giving advice, here especially, I have asked for all of your concerns and begged to give you solutions, and I have paid up, time and time again. I have been very lucky in the last few weeks to have been in contact with a lot of humans in the pursuit of happiness.    

I am noticing a trend. There seems to be so many that say “I just want to be happy”. I have heard that over and over, it is the one consistent longing that humans seem to have. There is just one problem, you want to be happy, but you are not willing to change ANYTHING to make yourself that way.

As this “solutions finder” that I have made myself I question “Do these people REALLY want to be happy, or are they just lacking in other conversation?”  

In so many of my conversations and correspondence I have offered the soft version of looking within yourself for fulfillment, changing your behaviors, and holding yourself accountable. This does not come easily I have reminded all.

Let me tell you, I hold the Holy Grail, right now, I am happy. I refuse not to be happy. I will allow nothing less than happiness. Here is how it works.

1)      Nothing makes you unhappy except not being grateful for what you have right now. – Come up with ten things a day to be thankful for, write them down.

2)      Is the glass half empty or half full? I have the answer to that simple question, it is not necessarily how you look at it or your perception, the way I look at it is

“If you are filling that glass or giving to the glass it is half full, if you are drinking from that glass or taking from it is half empty.”

 Stop trying to see what is being taken from you and start watching what you are giving to the world and maybe things will look a bit brighter. What the hell are you doing to make this world a better place? – Come up with something to do that doesn’t benefit you, DO IT!

3)      Stop bitching… Waste of time… - Don’t do it, it’s a waste of time, and more importantly energy

4)      Stop worrying… Waste of time… - This does not mean stop planning, planning and worrying about the future are two different things, here is an easy way to tell the difference. If it is positive, it is planning, if it is negative, it is worrying. There you go!

5)      If you ask for advice, take it, try it, because what you are doing is not working. If you simply want to “vent” describe it for what it is, venting is a waste of time, but some people need to do it. If you do not truly want advise, then stop wasting other peoples lives, if you do want it, be prepared to take it, and USE IT!

6)      Stop Blaming everyone for your problems. If you are over 20 years old, it is time to forgive your parents for not being perfect and move on. It is not your boss’s fault that you are unhappy, it is not your girlfriend or boyfriend, and it is not your friends fault. If someone has the power over you to make you unhappy, maybe you are giving them too much power? – If someone has the ability to ruin your day, admit that you are leaning too hard on them, then empower yourself by taking all the credit for your own happiness, and unhappiness.

7)      Your choice… You make a conscious decision everyday whether you want to be happy or not, happiness is a moment to moment thing, it is not a constant. You have to work for it. – Start looking for the beautiful things in life, point them out to you, and stop mentioning the ugly.

      Surround yourself with “solution finders” not problem “pointer outters”. I can find a million people out there that can name “problem after problem” but when I find someone that can step back, look at the problem, and start finding solutions, I have a PRODUCTIVE relationship. Remember, if you are standing still, you are not going anywhere. Get going. – If you are in a good mood and someone is not, tell them that their energy is going to affect your positive energy, if that does not change the way they are, get away from them. Ask people for solutions, not problems.

9)      Figure it out, do you want to search all of your life for happiness or do you want to live a happy life? Happiness is not something that is found, it is something that was never lost, and it is right with you all of the time, waiting for you to embrace it. – Stop looking for happiness, start being happy.

10)  Have a good day. You can only have it if you want it. – Say “I am having a good day” and don’t be a liar, definitely not to yourself. As a matter of fact, stop lying to everyone.  

Now, before you respond to me about all the BAD stuff that has happened to you, don’t bother, I can match you “bad for bad” and you most likely will not win, the difference is I am thankful for those adverse times and you are not. They got me to where I am today. I do not regret the past, I do not worry about the future, because neither really exists, it is today, this moment, and that I choose to be happy right now.

Some people ask me when they hear my story how I can be so happy? Here is what I tell them “Do you think that because I have had bad circumstances in my past that I deserve to suffer all my life for them? I will not.”   

I do not mean to sound self righteous, but the fact is, I am happy and you aren’t.  I love my life, I love my gifts, and I love me. No one but me is to take the credit for that and damn am I good…

My heart is with you on your journey.

Lizzy

Recently I have run into a few women that I have noticed a trend with. It has been startling to see how many of us out there NEED to be accepted by their parents. The problem with that sentence is NEED. It is natural to WANT people to “like” you, or accept what you are doing in your life.

Two of the women that I have talked to in the last week were facing the challenge of telling their mothers that they are with child. These ladies (who are in their thirties mind you) were so worried that they were losing sleep; I mean seriously, this was a “red zone case” as Caesar Milan would say. I will ignore for now what a waste of time worrying is and just talk about releasing the need for others approval.

Our parents have us, raise us, and release us into the world, all the while being proud and disappointed. Basically, by the time a parent has “done their time” they are used to both disappointment in themselves and in us as well as a sense of pride in themselves and their children. It is no question that there are no perfect parents or children in the world. As we take flight (on OUR OWN journey) we stay linked to these imperfect humans forever.

The challenge is to release into flight with only love strings attached. These are the people that love you as their child, but also love you as the only human being that they have influence in making. These are also the people that you have to thank or blame for who you are. Too many times we spend our lives trying to live up to the vision that our parents have for us, and find out too late that it is not our own vision, leaving us feeling resentful and lost. Keep in mind, when parents show disappointment sometimes, they are really showing their “ego”, they want to blame anyone but themselves for the act you are doing. After 18 years old, it is not them, it is you making choices, but sometimes they are unable to cut the apron strings.

Once you are off the books at home it is important to realize that this is our journey. It is also important to teach our children that acceptance is not a need, but a want, and if all else fails, disappointing another is much less important than disappointing ourselves.

I have a relationship with my parents, I call it friendship.

That being said; let us do our best to accept our parents for who they are, accept ourselves for whom we are, and require nothing from anyone but ourselves. If your parents don’t “like” you, IT IS OKAY, there is only a problem if YOU don’t like YOU. The only thing that I can say is lead by positive example. If you don’t like what they are, it is okay. You can still love someone without feeling admiration for who they are in their core. Someone can love you without agreeing with you.

I think that a lot of times we seem to place on others the unsure feelings we have within our own psyche, take ownership of those. If you find yourself blaming your unhappiness on someone like your parents, maybe it is you that is having a problem with the situation that you are in, therefore you need to change, not them.

Parents accept your children, at any age, disappointments and all, and maybe just maybe one day they will learn to accept your failures.

Which brings me to forgiveness…. There is not one person that I have ever talked to that has had a perfect childhood, close, but not perfect. We are all simply dysfunctional; the last perfect person that was on this earth, imperfect people hung on a cross, so it is not a bad thing that we are working from an angle of flaws. Since “those in glass houses should not throw stones” I encourage everyone to try to forgive our parents for the disappointments that they have created for us, learn from them what not to do, and be thankful that they taught you the lesson. It is the anger that is held for so long that handicaps our forward movement.

Lastly, forgive yourself for your imperfections, failures, disappointments, and down right wrong doings. It is you that is in this moment, and if you are better that you were yesterday, you are being a positive member of humanity. The three biggest wastes of time in life are guilt, worry, and anger, so quit wasting your precious time. Someone once told me that if you try to drive forward in your car, but are always looking in the rear view mirror, you are bound to hit something. Let us stop living in the past, let us forgive those who have screwed us over, and let us be better than we were yesterday, kinder, more loving, more forgiving, and more accepting.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

This has been a difficult post for me, not only have I taken time out to sort out my own impulses but I have talked to several other people for their opinions of this story. From my own frame of mind, there are several issues that the story hits on in which I question “is this really good?” Yet, I do realize that the post is really about giving and Christmas rather than charity. Therefore, I am going to skip over the multi-layer complexities of charity; forgetting all conversations and impulses that I might have had; and simply express what I think gifting is all about.
A gift towards someone is recognition of the person and an expression of how you feel towards them. In other words-“this is how well I know you and this is how I feel about you.” A symbolic presentation of what you think of the relationship, which the true currency is effort. Money, status, presentation and time are all but extended and distracting values, it is the thought that counts, which when acted on produces effort. That is why I always move away from things that are too material, (jewelry, electronics, and such.) towards things that are more symbolic and says I know you. I gave a globe to my girlfriend for her birthday, I gave her the world. I have given joke presents that have made my family laugh, (never exploiting the receiver of the gift. Unfortunately, I have seen a gift that makes the receiver a butt of a joke; that is so tactless.) I have given gifts that people needed but knew they would never get around to getting. I have given labor and I have given love, a gift is nothing more than a symbol of that.

Peter

A wonderful Christmas story. Regardless of your faith, you have to feel good about our capacity for compassion. After reading her initial email, I couldn’t help but feel compelled to give, as did the woman in the store. When I heard about this story and the immediate help offered by those around her I was once again reminded that our world is a place of abundance, not scarcity.

When I feel that the world is a place of scarcity, I feel sad, isolated and malaise. I take for granted all the beautiful things this world serves up on a platter for me every day.

When I feel the world is a place of abundance, even life’s biggest challenges feel like gifts in ugly disguises.

By sharing what can only be called a sad situation with her friend, she probably didn’t know it at the time, but she was actually giving something. She may not have been in the ideal position to give her children the christmas she wanted, but she gave her friend the opportunity to help, and gave us all the opportunity to learn a lesson.

Thanks for the lesson and Merry Christmas

Respect & Love,

J

I recently received a forwarded email about a woman that of late rediscovered what Christmas is really about, for the last few years she has hustled and bustled just like everyone else trying to get the exact amount of gifts for all her children, made sure it was enough to impress them on Christmas morning, all the while praying that it would be adequate to satisfy her beautiful children the morning of Christmas Day.

Reading this email brought me to tears, I know this woman as a friend of my sister’s who for all encounters has been nothing but kind, even in demeanor. To hear the pain in her words was immense; she had found an opportunity to examine herself and with the results was very disappointed. Instead of calling for excuses or blames she decided to share her failure as a Christian in hopes of not only changing her ways but allowing others to self analyze unselfishly through her own misguided and corrected journey. The story she told was of a family that was to have no Christmas. It still makes me feel somewhat choked up by her lack of ego, so I felt compelled to write on.

In telling this story we have seen the human heart open wider than ever expected, my sister was shopping for these little children on a very tight budget, while she was deciding between two shirts a stranger struck up a conversation, my sister ended up telling the story of this family and why she was having such a hard time picking the perfect gifts, the woman reached in her purse and offered her own gift to this foreign family. She never questioned once whether they deserved help or if she was the one that was obligated to take care of them. Just gave with an open heart. Sounds like Christmas to me!      

As you all know, I am not Christian, but I do believe that Jesus walked our earth, I do believe that he was a beautiful leader, I believe that he is someone we should all follow with our behaviors to our human race, therefore I believe in Christmas. I think we cannot receive the beauty of this earth until we give beauty to it and I know that love cannot be received, just given. In turn, we must give this Christmas, to strangers, to friends, to enemies, to the human race, just as Jesus called for.  

Giving does not necessarily mean that you have to get the latest Nintendo for your children, but give them the gift of knowing how to give to others, they will not be happy in their lives for the long term always having the best of the best, but they will be content in their lives if you teach them that it feels better to give than receive.

Have you ever heard that someone is buying you a gift for Christmas and rushed out to get them one? Come on, why are we giving? To receive? Please tell me “no”!

This begs the questions, what are we teaching our children about Christmas? What does Christmas mean to you? Why do you celebrate Christmas? How do you want your children’s children to view Christmas? Where is the love in Christmas?

If Christmas is just an exchange of goods on December 25^th for you, I am here to ask you, WHY?

If you walk around stressed about Christmas to come, maybe you are not giving for the right reason. I have erased the names on this email below, just to protect anyone’s feelings, please read it, for Christmas’s sake.

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Last night as I rushed into church in a hurry and deposited my son in his class, I came upon a situation that cut straight to my heart. In my excitement to get to class I almost overlooked my friend who was sitting quietly in a chair with her face covered, trying not to cry. I suppose as I hurried past I didn’t really expect an answer when I politely threw out “Hey nice to see you. How’s it going?”.

I stopped dead in my tracks when she lifted her head and replied “Not good, Not good at all”. As I turned to look at her my selfish heart sank because I knew once again I wouldn’t be making it to the adult class. I now realize God had a much bigger lesson he wanted to teach me.

My friend told me the past year has been a rough one (join the crowd right?) She left her abusive husband of 16 years because she was afraid her kids were starting to receive the heavy side of her husband’s hand. She has lived off and on with several friends the past year and her current situation is not the best (I’m leaving out details on purpose). Her soon to be ex-husband has gotten into Meth so she has had to go to court to stop his visitation rights. Her current significant other just got laid off from his job and because of the timing will not receive a check for unemployment until after Christmas. My friend actually said she wondered if she had hurt her kids more by leaving their abusive father.

This year there will be no presents for her son and daughter. She said she had faced tough times before. There had been years when Christmas was slim but this year Christmas just wasn’t going to be. It really hit her when she came into church and saw all the decorations and the angel tree. She really felt like her actions had ruined Christmas for her kids. She’s afraid of all the things her kids have endured their life long memory is going to be the year they didn’t have a father for Christmas and any presents.

I of course mentioned the angel tree program, the salvation army, and other charitable organizations. She said she was too late. There are deadlines for those places and she realized too late that there would be no money for presents. Her boyfriend had promised her his last check before Christmas would be for Christmas shopping. There is no check coming and she has not bought anything. I assured her we could find an answer and hustled off to class.

It wasn’t until I got home that the weight of what my friend told me really hit. Last night the boys and I dug out our favorite ornaments and hung them on the tree. We talked about all the programs, parties, and Christmas to come for us. We wrote letters to Santa and decided what to buy my husband for Christmas.

Hours later my husband and I set checking our lists for presents bought and presents yet to buy. All the time my friend and her little family were tugging at my heart. I had decided I would get her kids a few items and secretly give them to her.  As I looked at the list of things we were getting the boys I felt a huge lump growing in my stomach. Here I was worrying if the dozen or so presents we bought the kids would be enough and my friend had nothing to count. I thought about all the Christmases when I panicked at the last minute and run from store to store buying whatever just so the kids would think they had a good Christmas. What had Christmas turned into for my family? Did the number of gifts really matter?  Was finding and giving the perfect gift the ultimate pleasure for me? Was I ruining Christmas for my kids by focusing on the wrong thing?

I hardly slept last night. My friend’s words kept coming back to me. “I was too late”.  Am I too late as well? My son has a friend he’s been asking to invite to church. I keep telling him we will when we’re less busy. What if I’m busy until Christ comes? What if I get to heaven and I stand before God and have to hang my head and say “Not good, not good at all” because I didn’t take the time to bring 1 more person to know His Saving Grace.

For the past 18 hours or so I’ve been wrestling with what to do about my friend’s family and my own. I still plan on helping my friend get some gifts for her kids. (Anyone else who wants to contribute please let me know.) As for my family we are going to have a long discussion this evening about how much God has done for us and what gifts we can give back to him this year. I wish I could go back a few years and stick to my parents tradition of 3 gifts. I hope it’s not too late for me to change Christmas for my family - as well as give a little love to my friend and her family.

As the pace quickens the next few weeks and we rush from function to function I hope we can keep the focus on God’s precious gift of eternal salvation that came down to us in the form of a baby.  

Yesterday while having Brunch with a dear friend I came across a subject that many of us have come into in our lives. You meet, fall in love, day by day you get closer, you intertwine your lives, things go beautifully for days, weeks, and sometimes years, and then the unthinkable happens, you grow apart, you realize that you were not mean to share your days with this person, and the inevitable happens, you break up.

Somewhere in this tangled mess, sorting out what emotions are mine, what are yours, and what should just be let go as a sacrifice to the “love gone bad God” is hard, really hard. The problem lies in The Break-up-er and The Break-up-ee, both difficult spots to be in, one powerful, one powerless, but the constant is, neither are easy. For the “Break-up-er” you feel like you are giving up, you feel guilty, you are calling the game, throwing in the towel, quitting. For the “Break-up-ee” you feel rejected, given up on, and powerless, he or she does not want you anymore, you have failed.

Basically, we have got two Ego’s, running amuck, and when the Ego drives the car, there is sure to be a wreck.

First, Emotional Separation. This seems to be the most difficult step of the process, when you got together you were separate beings, for years and years you went on with your days without knowing what this certain person was doing, how they were feeling, who they were feeling it with, why they felt one way or the other, but now, it is difficult to go back to the feeling that you have felt for the majority of your lifetime.

Yet, it is hard to go back to that time, a free time.

You cannot forget this person, they themselves have done one of two things, they have either taught you, what you do want in a mate, or what you don’t want, usually the ladder of the two, but I think that moving on, it is key to put them in one of the two categories.

For the “Break-up-er” having confidence in your decision will allow you to feel like you have done the “Break-up-ee” some sort of favor (which is true) he or she will now be free to find love that is more to his or her liking. That should be a honorable decision, one not to feel guilty for, or even like you are a quitter. See, not playing a game that you know you have no chance of winning is called smart. Unless you are just playing the game for fun, and love is no game to play for fun, not long term at least.

For the “Break-up-ee” having faith in yourself, that you are lovable, loving, and powerful allows you to walk away with the knowledge that one day someone will be able to love you on your terms. When insecurity leaks into your ship, you sink, and the only way to stop it is to stop blaming (yourself or the other) and start accepting, accept that this is not what you want (why would you?). When someone no longer wants to be with you, that is their problem, not yours, and it is not your job to fix anyone. Fixing someone else is impossible, you control fixing yourself, and that is the power you have.

Now, I have seen this go to extremes, people start screaming at one another, calling names, blaming, threatening (all the things one does in a desperate situation), but why? Why do we allow ourselves to be these ugly people?

Answer? EGO

When you step back, take a look at what has happened, realize that there were good times, bad times, boring times, hectic times, laughter, tears, and final decisions you realize this is just a chapter of your life, some chapters are longer than others, but this one is coming to a conclusion, you can end it the way it began, hopeful, and forward looking, not brutal, ugly, angry, and desperate.

Friendship?

History will show that a friendship after a lover-ship is almost impossible. To untangle that emotional ball that you call a relationship takes separation. Therefore, for a while, no friendship is obtainable until you are completely healed, could take a lifetime, could take a year, who knows, you will when you are ready. You need friends when you break-up, just not the person you were in a relationship with to help you get through it. Like I said, unraveling the strings of a love gone bad can be messy, and the last person you need is the one who made the mess with you cleaning it up, the mess will just get worse, trust me, seen it too many times.

No calls, no visits, no talks, no favors, for as long as it takes to get you in a place that you are thankful for the relationship as it was, comfortable with being out of the relationship, and relaxed with the person you are without him or her. Don’t drunk dial him or her, have a plan that if you do have too many wines or beers, you have a designated friend to call. Keep yourself busy.

Why does it feel so good to get into the relationship and so bad getting out of it? Should we not celebrate the experience, while holding our dignity high? Why do we let our Ego control what our mind and heart should be in charge of?

In the Eagle’s song, Wasted Time, they speak about the girl that felt like she had wasted her time on a relationship… What if it wasn’t wasted time? What if it was just time, learning what you did or didn’t want? Would that be a comfort?

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy           

Prop 8, Gay marriage was shut out in California, and continues to be shut out continuously around our Country. Church and State are not supposed to be mixed, shaken, or stirred here in America, land of the quilted lifestyle. Yet, there seems to be a hitch or constant hitches.

I believe that there is a place for Church in our communities, they are even welcomed with Tax Exemptions because of the work they do as far as charity and kindness for humanity. I am having a hard time understanding that while they reap the benefits of having the freedom to practice their own religions in our country, they feel that in this same country others should not have the same rights. I am not Gay, just an American, or just a human being really, and I do not understand how these lines keep crossing.

If it says in the Bible that God doesn’t want you to be gay and you have faith in the Bibles words, FINE, don’t be gay yourself, but when you start to say other people cannot under the American Constitution, I believe that you are being Un-American. Bucking the Constitution in which this country was founded on, in which it has been made great; you are saying that you no longer want to be protected under our laws. What if tomorrow it was illegal for you to be married to your husband or wife? You are saying that it is okay for American law to do that.   

Keep your Church out of my State, I say that with kindness and sincerity, you are not in charge of these peoples souls, if they will go to hell because they wanted to marry their love (and you believe that), that is their priority. I say, GODSPEED to everyone that thinks that they are ready for marriage…. There are so many things that Jesus would do out there, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, love the unloved, provide hope to the hopeless, teach tolerance to the hateful, and encourage kindness in a world that seems cruel. With all this to do, the last thing on the Christian mind should be stopping a certain type of love, right? Until these are all taken care of, let us start prioritizing the sheer desperate need in this “beautiful county”.

My Heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Pete,

I am going to write to each of the points that you brought up, within you beautiful letter, then I would also like to ask your permission to Post your letter on Letscoffeetalk, because I think it is perfect.

I did try to keep Politics off of Letscoffeetalk for so long because I really wanted to focus on a more raw way of getting things done. There are times that I am in a position of questioning my failure or successes with my project of “changing the world for the better”, but I remind myself that making one humans day brighter is a success that goes beyond all of my conception. When you figure one day can be so important, especially if it would be my last, I look at everyday as my only day, no yesterdays and no tomorrows, it is the only day I have. My job is done and just beginning all the time.

I believe that we have a unique relationship in that we have no why’s just is’s. This has allowed both of us to see the beauty within each other without fogging it up with grey matter. I would like to get to know more of my friends in this way, like seeing the core of an apple before the bruises and skin. I suppose I am an oxymoron; there are so many contradictions that ones mind would spin into circles if one would let it.

I recognize that because I don’t believe in endings or beginnings just changes, I believe that this is just another step, there has been many leading to this crossroad, and there will be many more intersections ahead. I will not stop, never, and I will encourage others to change with the change.  You are right; we must move with urgency, this is our time to make a difference.

 Well, there is so many ways to “change” the world; my favorite is making peoples days a bit better one at a time, through kindness and understanding. Our perspective needs to be “changed” to seeing beauty not fear or negativity. Giving compliments, smiles, and little tiny gestures of humanity is the way to make the biggest difference in the most efficient way. Not asking people to agree with me, but asking myself to be alright with disagreement. The abortion topic or any other will always be there, but if I decide to make it a wall between myself and others, I will not move closer to anyone, just further away. There is so much grey area; I have no right to be black and white.

As for our next generation, the only way we can make the promise to our children is to lead by positive example, and show them how, and guide them. I have faith in our children because I have faith in us. Symptoms are taught to our children, but they can be positive rather than negative. Molly and Alex have seen me give love to a stranger, and in turn they will give love to a stranger.

I believe that when we wake up, we have a choice to either be in hell or in heaven, in peace or at war, it is all a moment to moment choice, as we start to guide our perception to peace, and actively seeking it, we will instantly become a happier people. We are Powerful, more than we give ourselves credit for being, more than our government knows, it is time to be positively powerful, as we all make that shift there will be a more successful world as a whole, but this takes one person at a time, making a conscious effort to see the world in this moment as peaceful, loving, and good.   

Nader saved one life and that is something. Do I agree with that law, of course not, but I believe that if that were my son or daughter, I would be thankful for what he did.  See we don’t have to agree to see the beauty in what someone is doing.

There are so many ways to make someone’s life better, sometimes it is cleaning out their closet, and other times it is understanding a woman’s choice to kill her unborn child, it is a huge field of empathy and in some cases sympathy, it is a willingness to sit with someone, just to be there. We are not Jesus Christ (or whom ever you look to for guidance) so the best thing we can do, is take the moment given to us as humans and react like we should. All the unkindness in the world is just a result of knowing we can be that way; know that we can be kind too.  

I know that you would NEVER attack me; I know that you are asking me these questions to ensure that I have thought of these, and answered them in my own mind. I have not failed, if I save one moment a day of someone else’s, my success is huge. I have not sent myself on this journey, nor have you; we are on this journey together just the same. We are all on this journey together, and the ones that don’t know that they are on it yet, are just a few steps behind, it is our job to grab their hand and help them along.  

My Heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

To my dear friend Liz,

Congratulations!  Our man won the white house.  I think it’s funny how you tried keep out of politics within coffeetalk, but it still slipped in.  I figure anyone who boasts that they are creating a web forum to change the world, could not stay out of politics.  Especially at this time.  I also read some of your MySpace blogs where you gave yourself some more freedom with your beliefs.  I think you have done a wonderful job in both of those arenas.  Based on my own experience, I am sure that that there have been times for you that are beyond “challenging” and more “trying.” Where you ask yourself if what you are attempting to do will ever work or succeed.  Which leads to questioning yourself, if it is all worth it?  Let me tell you something, it is worth it; simply because we have to do it.  Unfortunately, it is a job that is never accomplished, there is always more to do.  The Putman books puts it correctly, “there will always be a war between authority and reason, between ignorance and wisdom.”  I think cops fighting against “evil” for “good” have an easier job than what it is you are even thinking of doing. 

This really has brought me to two questions in which I wish to ask you.  There are several things, as our relationship has grown, which I wonder about.  Yes we are close, but we mostly communicate between emails and the forum-which reveals our direct thoughts and passions, yet remove the day to day; which we are more apart of.  So, even though we are close and dear to each other, because we perhaps reveal an “inner side” of selective thoughts (you have no idea that I am a complete ASS when I wake up, which is very difficult to deal with if you have to get grocers at 9 o’clock)have that intimate yet vague understanding of each other.  This is a way for me to say that I feel close and love you as a person, but there is a part of me that knows we have kept things from each other; for later, when we feel more comfortable.  Anyway that is not the point of my questions; but rather, for the last few months, this is what has been plaguing me about you (because you are one of those people who one question can last several months.)

The Direct Question.

Do you consider this a first step or the final step?  You have been active in getting a man elected to president.  This election has change the tactics, with an unprecedented method of getting people to work together, on their own initiative to back a man to lead us.  We have not elected a man to do the job for us, but rather to lead us to do the job.  There is plenty of work, sacrifice, and mistakes to make for each and everyone of us.  I hope you are ready not just to carry on, but to do more, you do not the type to quit just now.

The More Abstract Question

Just how do we change the world?  Do we just change people towards way of thinking, having them think like us makes us feel better?  If everyone agreed with me, my life would be better.  I hope that if we truly looked within ourselves, we would be able to acknowledge the desire for that, yet be pragmatic enough to look beyond it.  Which still leaves the question unanswered.  Do we solve the symptoms of a problem, like “how long can a woman go to term before getting an abortion?” or “what is the age in which a girl should tell her parents?” or find the deeper meaning that “each situation is so diverse to another, along with their personal burdens and potential futures that, no true regulation can possibly define that potential, which leaves only a choice of that of the mother.” You see, when you start really looking at the question it changes from HOW to WHAT. Because HOW only solves the now, we can change someone’s view right now, but what about the next generation? Will it stick? Will someone else have to do our job for us? If we can change WHAT then we hit upon the belief systems that will be taught to their children.  This is a simple question to pose, yet quiet complex within its nature and forever moves us farther into the abstract.  Despite what we would hope for, we must consider what we as humans are capable of.  We have to look at the evidence as to what is within our nature, (I do not hope for peace on earth, it is not with our nature at this time, all I can look forward to is a time when it can be truly within our hope.) 

You see, I know the quest you have put yourself on.  Although we have been on different paths to arrive at this point, we seek the same goal.  Now is the time to look at what that goal really is.  Ralph Natter passed legislation requiring Americans to wear seat belts, although several lives were saved-did he really do anything?  I think you want to change the quality of life, not by having a name brand in your home, but rather a better way of thinking.

I hope that you understand that these are questions in which you have to answer for yourself, not directly to me.  Additionally, that they are not attacks on what you are doing or your success, but rather, a way for you to become more precise and effective. 

Love from a concerned friend,

Pete

The other day I was reading Liz’s comment about negativity and she is so right.   Why do we feel the need to spread it.   If you are bothered by something try thinking of 5 things that are positive about the situation first and then if you decide to talk to anyone, share only those!

Then I got to thinking about what else we spread.  Besides negativity, what we do or say is contagious.  When walking down a hallway deep in thought, do you take the time to smile and say good morning, or do you have a stress look on your face and share with everyone that you’ve had a rough morning.  I can honestly say I’ve done both.  And the first one makes their and your day better.  What do you think the second does?

I have decided to stop wasting other people’s lives, as well as mine, with anything that isn’t sincere and loving.  I am choosing to make a change in myself.  I recently had a friend tell me that life is too precious to waste ANY of it doing anything that is negative.   Gossipping, Complaining, Being Jealous, and so on.  It is very hard, but I challenge everyone to look at their lives as if they could be gone tomorrow.  Do you really want to waste your time on Crap?  Time and lives are precious, don’t waste them.  And Do try to go out of your way to accomplish things that move you.  Even if you feel it might make you late for work, or look silly, reach out and hug a girlfriend, just because you know she is having a rough day.   You might never know how much you’ve helped her.  Call a friend, just to say, I’ve been thinking of you.  Send a card, just because.  Smile at the other customers at the grocery.  Help an elderly person with their groceries.  Pick up cheap flowers at the store for your spouse, significant other, friend, grandparent, lonely neighbor……Just spread good! 

Please do this, our world and yourselves really need to just spread good!

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone on your journeys, Katie. 

Over the past few, well more than few months I have had some heated debates about the “facts” in this election. Never have I thought really that either of the Candidates are bad people, and they aren’t.

The reason that I am voting for Obama is that he inspires America to be hopeful, hard working, and positive. He restores the mindset that Washington is working for America, not the other way around. He has brought back the outlook that we are all together in this, not alone, with out fear. FDR said that the world is an unsafe place, but if you are fearful and too overprotective this country will go down, in so many words, I believe that has happened to a degree. I also believe that we can start a new; I believe that Obama is just the leader we need to start living again in Our America. Fear is debilitating and over the last seven years we have become paralyzed by the message that has been sent, I want my children if I ever have any to not only have the American dream, but not have the American nightmare we have been living for the last seven years.

I wrote on a Blog last night to express my opinion, as Americans historically have been respected for doing, and I was verbally attacked by several Americans with different views or perspectives. I respect their opinion, and if it was a majority of America who wanted McCain to be our president, I would honor “her” choice. We do not have to agree, but we must pull together as American people to make this country a better place for our children.
Who ever wins this election is who America wants to be president, and we need to love her (the people) for allowing all of us to make that choice. After all is said and done, we must love our fellow human beings, love that we are all living in this Great Land, and love our blessings.
This country has taken a turn in these short years, only we have the ability to turn her back around, regardless of who you are voting for, I beg you to be kind, do not fear, and have faith in America.

My Heart is with you on Your Journey,

Lizzy

Lately I guess I have been noticing Negativity a lot more than ever. About a year ago I had read The Power of Now and The Secret, and although the concept was great, I didn’t really start living it until about 6 months ago. Jason is really easy to live with under this way of thinking because he normally has a very positive outlook on his universe and therefore projects it; I have become that way too. Optimistic to annoyance maybe, but I have found that my life is more abundant now than ever, and the facts are just that, facts.

It has been a real challenge for me to not become negative about Negativity though, when I hear it sometimes I have a tendency to get frustrated, when really, I should just think back to a time not so long ago when my glass was half empty. I know I can change my perspective on that too, it just takes a different angle of looking at it.

Money

Have you ever met someone that works so hard but never has a pot to piss in?

I have, I know a lot of these people, their work ethic is second to none, yet they are constantly complaining about their financial condition. They worry about the moneys of tomorrow even if they have enough money for today. They, by worrying, don’t enjoy the fruits of today, nor tomorrow, they are unhappy, and ungrateful, and therefore they never have security not for even one day. The Secret implies that if you say in your mind “I am worried about not having enough money” the “universe” hears that and cannot differentiate that statement from a request, and therefore gives you “not enough” money.

The key is to be grateful today, and have faith in your tomorrows if they even come.

This does not mean, stop planning for your retirement, or saving for that special goal that you have, it just means have faith that the “universe” or “god” or even “yourself” will provide you with the means to be fruitful for all days.

I have often said in the past that I hate “money”, in fact, I do not hate money, I hate the abusive relationships that people have with their and others money.

“I have and will continue to have Abundance, Thank you”

Relationships

This is a BIG ONE, there are so many people searching for love, upset about love loss, scared of never obtaining love, or even scared of losing the love they have today.

Part of these books that I read a year ago, talked about living in this moment, in this day, but I have found that most people who are not happy with the relationship status that they are in, i.e. single, married, separated, or whatever, are simply living either in the past, or in the future, and some of the real “sad” cases bounce back and forth between, but never EVER stay in the present.

Lets take Single for instance, because a lot of people think this is the worst thing to ever happen to someone, which by far is untrue. So many times these “Singles” bounce between the loves they once had and lost and the loves the may never find in the future, therefore never living for today. When I was single not too long ago, (way before I got this concept) I remember people asking me “Why are you single?” “Why aren’t you married?” “Are you looking for a boyfriend?” the concept that I was perfectly happy was far beyond any notion that they could accept. I was happy, I truly was, and I remember feeling like a bit of a “freak” because I was not nearly as upset at they thought I should be, I wasn’t upset at all.

Maybe because I had a relationship based on love and respect with myself (the first healthy relationship I had ever had, by the way), but I did not long for loves past or loves future, I had love.

Love eventually came to me, and when it did I was calm, and ready to let it sit beside me, I was not too eager, it came in a healthy way. You know with courting, and laughing, and eventually loving and respecting, and then lastly trusting.

I feel the same now as I did when I was single, I just have someone there with me, enjoying some moments.

I won’t drag on too much about marriage and separation. But I do know this if you live in the past or the future when you are in these moments the marriage or separation will with all certainty fail completely. If you need me to talk more to this topic, please feel free to coffee-talk with me about it. I have lived in the past of the marriage, and the future of the marriage and it failed miserably. I have live in the past in separation, and the future in separation, also failed.

Love is not something someone gives you, it is something that you give.

Happiness

I sat at the table a few days ago with a friend, and although the lunch we were having was great I remember my friend looking to another table and commenting on how happy they were, my friend eluded to the fact that they longed for happiness like that. My ego went unhurt, but I thought to myself that happiness is nothing other than being grateful for what is at your table, what blessings you have, and if you continuously look at those blessings, you are bound to be happy.

The key to happiness overall is being thankful or grateful for what the “universe” or your “God” or you “yourself” has given you.

If you are constantly looking at the grass on the other side, you never ever notice how beautiful your own lawn is.

Health

Health is one of the most talked about feelings on earth. How are you feeling?

I have met perfectly healthy people that always complain about their health. Therefore they always feel crappy.

I have met perfectly sick people that never complain about their health. Therefore they always feel great.

The mind is a beautiful powerful tool, I suggest we use it. I suggest we utilize it in everything that we are.

Perspectives

Your Perspective is your only truth. I am thankful for those perspectives in this world that I see as optimistic and healthy, I pray you do too….

My heart is with you on your journey,

Lizzy

Trust is such a strange word; it almost implies that you have to put yourself out there on a limb. I have noticed lately that the person for years that I trusted the least was me and after getting to know who I was, I slowly started taking my word as “gold”.

I had second guessed myself for so long when I was young, if I felt something was wrong; my brain would automatically start its “logical talk down” of how I was feeling.

I always got burned. Always.

What I started to do unconsciously is listen to my feelings, and over the last few years I have begun to trust myself without even knowing it. When I meet someone that I “feel” is not a good person for me to be around, I wait, and they always prove me right. If I feel I should not be in a situation, I leave, and I always hear stories of what went wrong. See, I believe it is our gut that is our first instinct.

You know, it is not always used to detect bad now. When I meet someone that I feel like I have a connection to, I go with it, I trust myself. I met my friend Tracey that way. A few of my friends were going for a “drink” at one of our local watering holes, and when I got there, ordered a glass of wine, and sat down, they all wanted to go somewhere else. I am no stranger to sitting somewhere alone, so I said go. They left and before you knew it I was in a great conversation with a complete stranger. I enjoyed her conversation, and strangely knew that I would be friends with her for a long, long time. I was right, we have lunch once a week now, and thank goodness I trusted myself.

Trust yourself above all others.

My heart is with you on your journey, the heart that I trust.

Lizzy

I had an AH HA moment last week and I really need to share this with everyone.  There was a commercial where a mother starts yelling at her child in a store, there are are other customers all saying that someone should do something.  A woman grabs a mirror and holds it up in front of the mom.  Wow!  I think that is the best thing ever!  Try it yourself.   In any situation use a mirror to determine your mood and how you are reacting.  Before you go into any situation, look in the mirror and remember how you look.  If your children are arguing with you and you are losing your temper, look in the mirror.   If you have to deal with a pain in the butt, or negative person, look in the mirror and put on the happiest most confident face.  What you see in the reflection will really effect your mood and how you handle your life.  The frustration and irritation will leave your mood and mind, if you look in the mirror and throw on your good face, it will really make you happy and confident.  Wow!  It gives a new definition to “what you see is what you get”. 

Now I know why Liz has soooo many mirrors in her home.  I am putting up more everyday.

Katie

I have never found any virtue in “stay the course” and “sticking to your guns.” In today’s political climate you hear these phrases thrown around and it makes me wince. Because what they are saying is “I believe in something wrong and I am impress that they can ignore how wrong they are.” I shutter when I hear people say there is no such thing as global warming. I know back in the 80’s and early 90’s I said the same thing; such as “this could be a natural occurrence.” I said these things back then because I did not like the implications of agreeing with it. It made me uncomfortable. 15 years latter I am wiser, I realize that facts are facts, evidence can not be ignored, and just because I do not like it does not make less real. I want to live my life with as little falsehoods as possible, which means that I have to change my opinion and ideas when new things come and affect them. Faith in something, implies that you will not change your believe; and some think changing your ideas is a bad thing. I do not. It means that you can adapt to situations as they come up. It also indirectly, strengthens those things I believe, because I understand why I have come to that conclusion and I know what it would take to change them. It is work. I think Bayes theorem demonstrates how changing your decision can improve your chances of success. Unfortunately, it is human nature to not want to think. We want to collect a comfortable world view and make all your decisions based on that world view without ever questioning or changing it. To simply have the faith that you are always right.

Pete

I have done my best to keep “Politics” off letscoffeetalk.com over the last few months. The reason that I have not focused on this election on this site is because I wanted women and men of all walks of life to enjoy getting together for discussion with friends.

I need to discuss something about politics today because I feel that in my heart of hearts, this subject could be the most important subject thus far in this election, and I want to call to action my fellow females as American women, strong women, and fair women to step up and make a informed choice.

The Republican Party nominated a woman as their Vice Presidential Candidate this week named Sarah Palin. This was a decision made by the Republican Party to sway some of the “Hilary” voters to jump onboard; it was not John McCain’s first choice, but his final choice none the less.

While it is “ground breaking” to have a woman nominated into office, as well as exciting, I want us “as women” to remember what it means to be “equals”. Years ago when our mothers and grandmothers fought to be “equals” and fought for “women’s rights” they stood strong that we were just as good as any man with the same qualifications. We could essentially do anything a man could do, and they fought hard to get us where we are today. THEY FOUGHT HARD FOR US not to be set aside because we are a woman, they wanted us to be “equals”.

They did not want us to be chosen just because we are females either, they wanted “equality”.  

I beg you as American women to please not use the vote that our foremothers fought for without looking at all the facts. If you were going to vote for Hilary Clinton and are considering voting for Sarah Palin instead, here are a few differences in what they believe, if you chose to vote for Sarah Palin because you believe with her, so be it, but you must know and respect the differences.

1)      Sarah Palin is Pro-Life, or more importantly Anti-choice. Even in the event of incest or rape, she does not believe that we, as women, are the best judges for our bodies.

2)      She believes in teaching Abstinence ONLY for sex education.   

3)      Sarah Palin does not believe in equal pay for equal work for women. According to the McCain campaign she supports it, but in fact she opposes the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

4)      Sarah Palin does not believe in providing affordable healthcare to all. (Not free, but Affordable)

5)      Sarah Palin believes in the war in Iraq, although she openly admits that she has no plan for the war.

6)      Sarah Palin believes that drilling is the major “answer” to our oil crisis.

7)      Sarah Palin does NOT believe that Global warming is cause by humans.

      Sarah Palin does not support Gay Unions, although she has “friends” that are “gay”, they are “good enough” to be her friend, but not good enough for health/retiree benefits.    

9)      Sarah Palin has not protected Endangered Species, she threatened to sue the Federal Government for putting Polar Bears in the Endangered Species List warning that “it would adversely affect energy development in Alaska”. She also opposed strengthening protection on the Beluga Whales in Alaska’s Cook Inlet, where oil and gas development has been proposed, on economic grounds.

Please vote based on the Nominees Principals and Values. If you believe the same way as Palin does, by all means, but if you don’t believe the same way, vote accordingly….

Just because someone is a woman does not mean that they are like you.

I plead that you do not let our foremothers hard SERVICE go unappreciated.

Thank you to all the women that fought for equality, I will NOT let you down,

Lizzy 

OK, I am writing this, not to brag or tell everyone what I do, but I would love to share this idea. Every winter, we have the traditional Salvation Army Bell Ringers. We all see them. Are you someone who gives or speed walks past and hopes not to make eye contact? Some are happy doing this monotonis bell ringing, politely smiling at all who walk by. Some are freezing and look disgruntled. Then there is this one gentleman…. Every year he stands outside a local store and sings. He sings Christmas carols. He SINGS! Smiling, LOUDLY SINGING, In the freezing weather! I have decided that he is a Christmas Angel. Some of you will understand this comment. That there is usually someone or something that triggers the happy Christmas feeling. Christmas lights, music, or anything that just gives you the warm ready to give feeling. Well, this last year, I was in a funk and couldn’t get into the spirit of Christmas. I tried, I really did. Then, on a usual shopping trip, I see this familiar face (he has been doing this a few years now). He was singing at the top of his lungs. In a time of “happy holidays” verses “Merry Christmas”, He was singing Christmas carols as loudly as he could with a smile from ear to ear. This made me smile. Uncontrollably. (In case you didn’t know, smiles are contagious). It was about 10 degrees outside and he was happy! He wasn’t thinking about himself and it made him feel good, wow, amazing how that works. So, on my way past, I smiled and said “It’s a hot coffee kind of day” he smiled and said “hot cocoa was his favorite”. So my wheels started turning. I went in and bought 2 hot cocoas. One for him and one for the gentleman at the other entrance (who didn’t understand the cocoa delivery) I dropped them off and went on with my shopping. Feeling so good about the holiday. Then an amazing thing happened. I left the store and the man told me I was an angel. Wow, I was just calling him that. Can you be and angel for your angel? I guess so. This tradition has continued. I always take hot cocoa for the bell ringers, I feel that the 2 bucks spent to keep the bell ringers energized is better that putting the same amount in the red bucket. I look forward to the bell ringers every year. Especially the Singer! As if this story couldn’t get better, it does. I over heard a woman while I was eating lunch, talking about “the hot cocoa lady”. And how she helped her husband with the Christmas spirit. She is married to the Singer. Liz reminds us about random acts of kindness touching so many others, and this is proof. I thought I was warming him on a cold day, but I ended up rejuvenating him, this wonderful man that touches so many others, and his wife was telling her coworkers about how it affected her. I wonder how many people we can affect with one act of kindness. How many people can you affect with something little? Even just by sing a song or smiling instead of looking like your dreading a duty or job. Smile! Smile! Smile! It’s contagious.

When I first started this website I had a vision of making lives better. Somehow, helping lives one at a time. Yesterday I was watching T.V. and eating pork fried rice, and it hit me….. Why am I limiting myself? Just like we (as humans) constantly do, limit what we can accomplish by not stepping back and looking at the big picture… We have around 500 readers currently…. I thank you all for that.

What if those 500 readers could influence 2 people a day that would be 1000 people a day whose lives are better because Letscoffeetalk….. Actually 1,500 including the Coffee talkers….

This started me thinking of the power that we possess. Anyone that reads letscoffeetalk for more than ten seconds is most likely interested in either making themselves “better” or at least exploring “change”. This got me thinking about random things that make me happy.

If everyone on earth was able to help two or more people a day, the world would be a better place wouldn’t it? I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here, I am not getting to the point that we need to “give” more time or money to a charity, although, if you’ve got it, GODSPEED… I am talking about a far less intrusive venture….. Give what you have got already…. KINDNESS….

How many times have you heard someone say “I hate people”? I have heard it time and time again, especially working in sales. What I have found is people really don’t “hate” people; they hate what people make them feel like. What if we could change one by one the way people made other people feel like? I know we can.

If we were able to change the way we make people feel, then eventually the feeling of hatred would be gone right? What if by changing the way we make people feel, made us feel instantly better? Win, Win situation right?

So after this “thought” sat heavy on my brain all night long, I decided to try to make a list of ways to make others feel better……

But First…..

The MEAN PEOPLE….

So yeah, there are a lot of these people out there, the “budgers”, the “bitchers”, the “yellers”, the “know-it-alls”, the “snobs”, the “stuck-ups”, the “ignorers”, the “arguers”, the anal retentives”, the “judgers”, the “manipulaters”, the “liars”, the “stealers”, the “idiots”, the “who ever makes you feel badders”…….

PRETEND THEY ALL HAVE AN INCURABLE DISEASE….. AND THEY ARE TAKING IT OUT ON YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO DIE SOONER THAN LATER…..

This will stop your EGO from taking it so personally, and then taking it out on someone else…. The fact is, these people are insecure, and that is almost an incurable disease that doesn’t allow you to live anyway, so they are dying…. This will make you feel sorry for them instead of ready to rip their head from their shoulders…. Puts you in control. I used this a lot in sales, and I must say, I was happier, and I was able to make a lot more people “happy” because I did not take it personally.

Back to Random ways to make people and yourself happier…….

1. Complimenting

Random compliments to random people…. One day at Starbucks I walked in feeling quite good about myself to get my standard latte, and be on my way. When I walked into line a lady stared me down with the crappiest look on her face, my first reaction was not good, I thought “who does this lady think she is, looking at me this way?”, but I did not react that way. I gave her “pretend cancer” in my mind, and searched for something I liked about her outfit. Her glasses were it! I said “Excuse me, your glasses are perfect for your face, I love them”, which I did, they looked great. She looked at me and tears welled up, she said “You have no idea how much I needed a compliment today, thank you”.
I could have reacted with my first instinct which was not nice, but instead, I made her day, and I felt so good about myself for not letting my stupid EGO make my move.
Complementing sincerely to random people at random times is one of the best charities we are able to give… Compliment, Compliment, Compliment…. Be sincere….

2. Give….

Give…. Not money, Not blocks of time, Not clothing, or Valuables, give random “gifts” to random people. Like your place in line at the grocery store to an old person, or a mother, or someone that has 10 items vs. your basket full. Give an extra chair that you aren’t using. Give someone your closer parking spot. Give someone a smile for no reason. Get the door for someone. Lift someone’s luggage into the overhead bin. GIVE, GIVE, GIVE….. Most importantly, don’t tally what you GIVE; tally what is given to you.

3. Thank YOU

What a powerful statement…. “Thank you”…. Thank every single person for everything. We are supposed to do it when we are five, but somehow we expect the world to serve us. Even worse, we think because we are paying for something we shouldn’t have to “thank” someone. When did Money = Thanks? It doesn’t.
Be thankful for the person who got up at 5 am to get your latte ready for you, especially when you know you were tucked deep into your bed dreaming of the latte you are about to receive. Be thankful for the 22 year old that watches 15 toddlers at your child’s daycare, especially when you know most people would lose their mind. Be thankful for the gas station attendant that passes through 100’s of people with a smile, but rarely gets one returned. Be thankful for the guy who lets you into traffic, and be thankful for the family that drives you nuts getting out the door. Most importantly, tell them “thank you”. Look every single person who gives you something in the eyes and tell them “Thank you”. Your money is not all a human being needs.

4. Open the Door

Open the door for everyone. This gives the impression that you are humble, and immediately humbles whom ever you come in contact with. It is a simple act that makes everyone feel good including the “opener”.

5. Old People

Old People deserve if for no other reason than surviving this world, kindness. Give them kindness, and kindness will be returned. Help them with their luggage, groceries, parking spots, and anything else that will make their stay here on earth more enjoyable. You will soon be there, your body will not perform like it once did, your mind not as sharp maybe, but one thing is for sure, you will be there, and when you are there, you will need someone like you to be kind.

6. Children

We preach…. Teach, teach, teach these little humans, but no one ever talks about Learn, Learn, Learn from these little creatures. Make one laugh, and you will laugh. Make a child smile and you will smile. They are free and they are influenced by the slightest things, if a stranger is kind to them, maybe one day, they will be kind to a stranger, and maybe that stranger will be you.

7. Control Your World

Remember when I said that we usually don’t hate people, we hate how people make us feel. There is really no way to control everyone on earth (contrary to popular belief), but there is a way to control how you deal with others….. Which changes the perspective all together; you can control your environment, which is the only thing you know anyway, so in your reality you can control everyone that you come in contact with. Your reaction is a choice. “He made me mad”, well, the way I look at it, you are really saying “I let him make me made”. “It makes me sick” really says “I let it make me sick”. “They offended me” means “I let them offend me”. “He hurt me” means “I let him hurt me”. My niece is 7 years old, right now she is having trouble grasping when something upsets her, that she is in fact in control of herself. As I watched her flip out because her mother was forcing her to wear an outfit that was not to “her Liking”, it hit me, she is letting this get the better of her, if she only had self discipline with her little emotions, she would get what she wanted. Well, she doesn’t, she let herself get so worked up that she made everyone miserable, and still had to wear the “bum” outfit. All because she can’t control own emotions yet! Now, she will learn, but for the rest of us, we don’t have being 7 as a “grand” excuse. Stop letting others make you “unkind”. You are in charge of your own kindness.

8. Forgive

Forgive EVERYTHING/BODY…. Most important FORGIVE YOU. I say this because this seems to be the hardest thing on earth for some humans to do. Most the time, when you can’t stand people, you are most upset that you let yourself get upset by them. Forgive yourself for being out of control, and forgive them for not being kind. FORGIVE

9. Make a decision to be Kind

There is no part time “kind”, there is full time “kind” and that is all. You are either aware of others or not, make a commitment to be aware, make a commitment to make the world a better spot to live in. Someone that you meet today is hurting, someone that you meet today is capable of passing kindness on, and usually they are the same person.

Please be KIND to all the Coffee talkers and future Coffee talkers out there, including you….

My heart is with you on your journey!

Lizzy

I need your help with ideas for simple kindness……. Please Comment….. Thank you!