Just by reading this, I have counted so many things I am doing wrong! I suck at Thank you notes (especially since my sister allows my children to open there birthday presents without me in the room and doesn’t write down what she got!) I know I have and wear white shoes, do sandal or strappy heals count? And I have a candle burning right now that smells like apple crumble or pumpkin pie, or something like that! Wow, a real eye opener!

Katie,

That’s why I wrote this so we all are in the “know”.

I think that yes, it is important to fill peoples mailboxes with happiness instead of bills all the time, but I will say that you are not “elegant” if you are offended if you don’t receive a “Thank you”, if you give to receive, you aren’t giving for the “right” reasons. Give out of Love, and that is all. Love cannot be received, only given, and saying “thank you” is giving love too. I simply thought that it is such a nice idea to fill mailboxes with love, instead of bills.

As for white shoes, they don’t look good for long, so in these trying times I think that it would be best to invest in something that will last a little longer. So, the book says, don’t wear them unless it is your wedding or you are under 12 years old. There are beautiful shoes out there in all shades, but they should be an investment, you should LOVE them. If you LOVE white shoes and they make you feel sexy or powerful, GODSPEED.

As for the “food” candle, hey, it is your home, if you want it to smell like food, GO FOR IT. The smells are very sweet, and make some people (me) sick. The little pink book never mentioned what kind of smell, that was my opinion!

I am grateful for your questions and my heart is with you on your journey,

“The Modern Day Girl’s Guide to living with Style”

 

Jason once told me that what ever he decides to do, he tries to do with “Style”, over the years without saying it so clearly I guess that has been my goal too. I think we all have a certain style, some are better than others, but yes, we all have our ways of making ourselves stand out a bit.

 

I bought this book as an “impulse buy” sometime ago at Barnes and Noble when I was purchasing a more “heavy” book as a way to lighten my mood after some serious self help. I must say it has given me more pleasure than the “self help” book ever did, and even better, it taught me quite a bit about myself, which is what we are all trying to do right?

 

The Little Pink Book of Elegance teaches you several different ways that you can stand out by down playing and up playing a few of the “rules of etiquette”. It covers everything from what to and not to wear to how to manage your closet and night stand. It tells you the classic way to throw a party and how not to lose your mind doing it. The do’s and don’ts of wearing make-up (you could be doing a don’t! I was) and how to have subtle manners while wearing that make-up correctly.

 

I faired pretty well, I was taught as a young apprentice to my Mom and Aunt Kate what mainly to strive for, but this has dialed me in a bit.

 

Some of the things I learned?

 

White Shoes? A No No…. Once she presented that after the first few times that you wear them they typically look like crap anyway, she not only convinced me not to wear them, but convinced me that it was sort of a waste of money.

 

Cubic Zirconia? Sure! As long as you wear them the right way, again, a great way to spend less and look great!

 

Spending Money on your Hair? Absolutely! It is the first thing people see when they approach you, so it should be easy to justify. I see so many really bad hair cuts, and it absolutely makes a difference. Men can get a $10 hair cut, Women however, if they have anything other than a man-do need to have a well trained stylist on their side. By the way, color is an art form, if you are not an artist; do not attempt to do art.

 

Green or Blue eye shadow? No. No explanation needed.

 

Freshly Cut Flowers? YES! They lend a certain elegance to your home or office, and you don’t have to wait for someone to send them to you either, $7 bucks at Jewel Osco, and over a week or enjoyment, Jason’s Mom taught me to cut them at an angle, under the water, stretched their life to 2 weeks, great way to save money!

 

Candles? Sure, as long as it doesn’t look like a witch’s séance, a few burning at all times will allow ambience and a pleasant smell throughout your home. My opinion? Candles should not smell like food, cinnamon is fine, but sugar cookie makes people sick.

 

Ironing? A Must. We have gotten away from ironing, people reading this that know me will laugh, but ironing is an easy way to make a piece of clothing look put together, a linen look clean and welcoming, and ironing is somewhat calming if you embrace it.

 

Reduced Price because of Damage? Rejection… If it requires work, it is not worth it. You can get reduced prices if you shop online, or buy less, but smart.

 

Tailor? Please! Too many times I see a beautiful dress (or what could be) on a woman, but it doesn’t fit correctly. She pulls at it, and looks uncomfortable; therefore ruining the result she wanted. If your clothing fits correctly, you look elegant. Buy less, spend on key items. Janice wrote a piece on those high end jeans not too long ago, absolutely worth the money. Shirts can be purchased for a lot less, which is where you save the cash. Less Rights are better than more Wrongs!

 

Thank you notes? Thank you, I think the Thank You Note is so needed in our society today, it personalizes much better than an email or text, plus you give someone a positive in their mailbox, and as we all know, going to the mail box is not fun. Make someone’s day a little brighter.

 

This is a fun book. I loved it. Please comment on ways that you make your lives more “elegant”!

 

My Heart is with you on your journey!

 

Lizzy

  

My Aunt Kate has a gift, she can make a house a home in record time. Last week I emailed her for a few ideas for all of us. I should have looked around my own home, but after you have been doing it for so long, sometimes its hard to realize what exactly you are doing, it becomes second nature. There is nothing better than coming home and enjoying a sanctuary, and second is presenting a comfort to your guests. When you know that there is a place that is your own that has the ability to immediately make you feel relaxed the rest of the world seems a lot less “annoying”. Your friends will be more likely to want to come to a place that you are in a balanced state, therefore they come more often.

 

Candles

Fresh flowers

Brighter light bulbs in a dim room

New hand towels on the bathroom vanity

Hand milled soaps

Books

A throw on the back of the sofa or chair

New pillows if a new sofa is out of the question

A silver or leather picture frame

Anything monogrammed (frames, towels, shower curtain)

Lemons or limes in a jar or bowl

Sea shells (Nate Burkess says every room should have something from the sea)

Don’t forget curb appeal with a large container of geraniums out front

Clean, clean, clean – nothing looks good unless you apply this principle to your home.   

Everything has a place, no clutter

Color on the walls, find a color that comforts you, and paint every wall that same color, white is no good.

Bedding, comfort is king, but make it beautiful.

Any ideas out there? 

I have been raised to use all of these tips, they help to make my house a home. Thank you Aunt Kate, for giving me the tools over the years to make me comfortable where ever I am.

Step into Action

 

Ask yourself- What do I want?

 

Write down three goals for every single room and three things you don’t want in every single room. Write them on a piece of paper, with a big marker, and tape them in a prominent place. This will be a Guideline to your success. For Instance;

Living Room

Goals

1)      Peaceful

2)      Relaxing

3)      Social

 

No

1)      Playroom

2)      Cafeteria

3)      Clutter

 

This will allow you to make UNEMOTIONAL DECISIONS…. When you put emotion into your things, you make poor choices that have no purpose. Look at this list every time you have a hard time getting rid of something, if it supports your goals for the room, keep it, if it doesn’t GET RID OF IT!

 

 

Home is where the heart is. That being said, what in your home is a suitable roommate for your heart?

 

1)      Bills- Who the hell keeps sending these things?

2)      Junk Mail- Key word “Junk”

3)      Keepsakes- You don’t need to “keep” them for God sakes

4)      Pictures- Picture this, no one cares to see most of your pictures

5)      Clothing- There is people out there that can’t find anything to wear- Cause there is nothing in their closet; What’s your problem?

6)      Toys- A.D.D.  …. By overload

  

This is a good place to start; these are a few things that people usually get overwhelmed with. Let’s start here, get this crap out of the way, and then move on. Start to LIVE….

  

There is a mindset change that will happen after you get these things under wraps. You are joining what I call the “Throw-Away Club”…. The “Throw away Club” simply means that you have taken your focus off of your things, and put the meaning back into your soul purpose, peace.

 

Bills-

 

I have noticed a direct reflection between someone’s Bills, and their clutter. When you are overwhelmed with your bills, you become overwhelmed with your entire life, you are emotionally stressed, and instead of taking it on like a challenge you stack them in a place, that you see everyday, and pretend that they are important. Paying your bills is important we all know that, but if you cannot pay them they seem to become peace suckers, and you have anxiety all the time….. I used to stack them on my desk (which I sat at everyday), not open them at all, and once I got so overwhelmed, I wouldn’t even pay the ones I could, it was just too much to deal with. I was putting emotion into every single envelope.

 

Solution

 

1)      Remove your name from the bills, act like they are not your bills, they are some other persons, someone you love, and you do not judge. (By removing judgment of yourself, you remove emotion)

2)      Take a yellow legal pad and write 4 different Categories on top of 4 different pages. Example; Household, Medical, Credit, and Miscellaneous (This will typically feel scary, you are about to find out where you are “bill wise”, don’t stop, the goal is to get these down on this piece of paper, stop judging yourself, remember, these are not your bills, they are someone else’s)  

3)      Open every bill and throw away the envelope they sent it to you in, write it down in the category it belongs in on the legal pad, the amount and when it “was or is” due. (This is the worst step, keep remembering these “are not your bills right now”)

4)      Rip the statement from the rest of the bill, place it in the envelope that the bill collector provides for you, and write the amount on the envelope. Make four piles (same categories as before, household, medical, credit, and misc); place the envelopes in those piles according to what they represent.

5)      Get a daily calendar, assign the bills to pay days, most important to least important, I have found it goes- Household, because you need hot water, and groceries, credit, because they are just dying to rob you with a high interest, misc, and then medical, the fact is, everyone has medical bills, pay them $20 a month, and they can’t do anything that I know about to you, like kill you or mame you, or be an ass to you over the phone)

6)      Put the stack of bills that you are paying that week in the back of the daily planner, and put the rest in a file.

7)      As bills come in, ad them to the legal pad, and then assign them a pay day. Every week pay the bills you planned to pay, and keep the rest in file ready to go.

 

THERE SHOULD NEVER BE BILLS OUT FOR YOU TO SEE IN YOUR HOME, these seriously like TOXIC to your peace of mind, you have a plan to pay them, stop looking at them, it doesn’t make them more or less important, and it just makes you feel like crap because you can’t pay them today.

 

Look under the comments- Kelly (a coffeetalker) has professional advice about medical bills

 

Junk Mail-

There is not much use in Junk Mail, but occasionally you will find that there is a new business out there or a great coupon, or something that you can use, this is rare, so here’s what I want you to do.

 

Solution

 

1)      Where ever you come in your home, place a garbage can somewhere easily accessible.

2)      When you get the mail, go threw it over the garbage can, throw away what ever you aren’t going to use that week (notice, I said “that week”, because if it is longer than a week, you will forget about it, and it becomes clutter)

3)      Place what ever coupons in your daily planner. Use them.

 

Note; I rarely keep anything like this, coupons usually encourage you to spend more on what you don’t need, if you keep it make sure it is something you will use this week)

 

Keep Sakes

 

Keepsakes never seize to amaze me, everyone’s got their grandmothers this or their kids that, and usually they are at the bottom of a box, not being shown or anything. What the hell are you keeping this stuff for?

 

Solution

 

1)      If you are not displaying it, with love and honor, you are disgracing this piece of memorabilia, if it’s not important enough to put it in a place of importance, give it away to someone that will honor it.

2)      Keep in mind, things are not people.

 

 An antique sugar bowl, that doesn’t match your style, that is really valuable to someone, sell it, use the money for a nice weekend away, trust me, your favorite grandma that died would rather you make a nice memory out of that sugar bowl, that have you look at and feel guilty for hating the thing.   

 

Pictures

 

Keep in mind, people are usually being nice when it comes to looking at your pictures, they normally would rather visit with you, or do something fun to make a new memory. There are pictures that are important to keep, baby’s first step, or birthday, or whatever.

 

Solution

 

1)      Place these pictures in a photo book, NOW. (I am not asking you to become a “scrap booker”, Get them in a safe dry book, and call it a day. Projects that you “plan” to do “one day” usually never happen, or if they do, it’s too late.

2)      Throw away the rest; if it is not worth putting in a book, it’s not worth keeping. You are not throwing away the person or the memory if you throw away the picture of the person or the memory.

 

This is a really weird category for people; they have so many emotional ties to photos. When you are  going through this part of your clutter, pretend you are someone that doesn’t know you, and is trying to decipher your life through pictures, if the picture doesn’t tell a story about you get rid of it.

Note: People hate pictures of your vacation, STOP SHOWING THEM TO EVERYONE, which has nothing to do with getting rid of them; it’s just something that bothers people in general.

 

Clothing

 

Oh…. Clothing…. This is the subject that is the WORST when it comes to “pitching”. For some reason, we have a tendency to latch onto our clothes. Whether they are too small, too big, too hot, too cold, too whatever… Here’s the deal, clothing is in one of the “key survival categories” i.e. shelter, food, clothing….. Therefore, we are nervous about getting rid of this crap….

 

Solution

 

1)      If it doesn’t fit you today, get rid of it. There is someone that needs it TODAY, that can fit into it.

2)      If you haven’t liked it for 1 month, you will never like it again. There is a less fortunate person out there that will LOVE it, give it to them.

3)      If you are overwhelmed with laundry, the more clothes you give away, the less laundry you will be able to have.

4)      If it is summer, put your winter clothes away, and vice versa…. When you take out the next season, immediately put the other season away.

 

Give your clothes that you are not using to people in need. I cannot plead enough to take care of your fellow man/woman; we are all on this earth together.

  

Toys

 

I AM GOING TO GET ON A SOAP BOX FOR A MINUTE… YOU READY?….. We are making our children unhappy with all of the “things” we are giving them. We are giving them 100’s of toys and expecting them to appreciate EVERYTHING…. Let me ask the question; Why are we giving so many “things” to our children, expecting them to make the decision to appreciate people, hard work, money, and somehow grasp the “good” in life, yet we distract them with “things” that have no meaning whatsoever, why?

 

Solution

 

1)      Pick out 10 favorite toys, set them aside.

2)      If your child is old enough, give them a “garden sized” bag and ask them to fill it up with toys to give to a less fortunate child.

3)      Praise your child for having a kind heart, and giving to others

4)      Make a rule, if you disrespect your toys they will be given to someone else (if the toys are on the floor, placed somewhere they don’t belong, left outside)

5)      Give the disrespected toys to someone else

6)      If your child asks where the toy is (you know you gave it away) say “I don’t know”, this will make your child look for it, and eventually they will keep a closer eye on things that they want to keep.

7)      Stop buying toys, not all together, but this should be a special occasion, not a weekly event. Make them look forward to something

      STOP THREATENING YOUR CHILD…. If you make the rule “I will be giving your toys away that you leave out”, just do it, do not threaten them over and over, you discount your word when you say you are going to do something and then don’t. JUST DO IT….

 

I watched a couple at a restaurant the other day tell their 3 year old five times that if she did not stop acting that way they were going to leave, she did not stop, and they did not leave…. They were lying. They had no intention of leaving; therefore she didn’t change her behavior. If once they had actually left, she probably would have been more reactive to their warning. These children are little people (treat them like it, and people don’t appreciate liars); tell them what you are going to do, then actually do it. THAT’S IT!

 

You have worked really hard….Now CELEBRATE by going to Good Will, or the Salvation Army….. Celebrate Giving…. Celebrate that you no longer place love on things instead of people and memories…. Celebrate Life

  

DECISION TIME…….. What is Important to YOU?

You have got to decide if your things are worth more than your peace of mind…

1) Why are you collecting things?

There are a few reasons you would collect crap (crap is not neccessarily unvaluable, it is stuff you don’t need), you either find it valuable, or you fear letting it go.

My friend managed to tell me EVERYTHING was important. I needed to understand this concept a little better. Why?

As we went through, when she said we had to keep it, I’d ask Why?

The reasons were simple.

1) It was expensive

2) Someone she cared about gave it to her

3) She didn’t know when, but she might need it

4) It had a sentimental value…. Reminder of a memory of an importantant person or event.

Okay, so we have the reasons we keep things, money, guilt, and fear.

1) If it is in fact valuable, why not sell it? You are wasting it’s value by not using it, or giving it to someone to use. THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH NOTHING, give it to them, not only is a tax write off, but it is a way to make yourself feel really good about “giving”. GIVE TO OTHERS.

2) People you love give you crap all the time, they think GIVING (see #1) is a good thing, and it is… These people are typically giving “things” to you because they love you. That being said, they love you, and they are not giving to you to make you feel bad, they are no giving to you to make you feel obligated, and they are not giving to you to make you feel cluttered. The people who truly give for the right reason (out of love) are not coming over to your home and taking a mental inventory, as a matter of a fact they forget about the “thing” immediately. Do you remember anything you have given to someone out of love over the years? NO! GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE…

3) Need…. Such a strange overused word. What do we actually “NEED”? There are people out there that “need” it now. GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE….

4) Sentimental Value? Things are not people, they are not places, and they are not memories… Your childrens drawings are real peices of Art, but if you have to spend time moving them all the time instead of spending time with your children, they are robbing you of your memories. When you put emotional attatchment on “things” you loose emotional attachment to people, places, and overall memories. GIVE and THROW your things away, and make time for MEMORIES…. Live

Note; There are things that are important to you, if they are not treated like they are important, then you are disgracing the “thing”…. Put this in a respectable, honorable place in your home. Celebrate it…. If you have something that you love, truly love it by displaying it in a loving way. LIVE with it…. 

That being said, ask yourself WHY?

Making a GREAT Living

When I was younger, all I wanted to do was make a GREAT living, which to me was MAKING A LOT OF MONEY, AND HAVING TONS OF STUFF. I managed by the time I was 21 to buy my own house, a few cars, new furniture, clothes, shoes, and had tons of “friends” to go out and help me spend my “GREAT LIVING”. The only real problem was, I was not happy.

I found that owning all my crap made me almost handcuffed to a lifestyle that was really overrated, now, don’t get me wrong, I like nice things, but I have found “things” just don’t make you happy, as a matter of fact, having too many “things”, reverses the effect and makes you miserable. Having the wrong people in your life has the same effect, they become anchors. I felt like all this was closing in on me, and it had to go…..

Do You OWN Your Things or Do They OWN You?

A most important question….. Who owns What? or What owns Who?

I am not asking anyone to get rid of the “dream house” or the “dream car”, I am talking about the things you acquire for no apparent reason, the stuff, the crap.

What is so IMPORTANT about your Crap?

Recently, I was invited over to a friends house to help her “organize” her home. She was beyond frustrated by the build up of things around the house. Once I got over there, I realized why she was out of her mind, there was crap everywhere. I thought to myself, this should be a piece of cake…. We will throw it all away, and be done with it… Simple Enough Right? 

Once we got started, I realized that things were not going to be as simple as I thought, as we started to pillage through all of her families crap, and I stood by with a garden sized garbage bag, we started to make a great discovery…. EVERY SINGLE THING HAD SOME SORT OF IMPORTANCE…. How could this be?

I started to get very concerned, this is one of the dearest people in my life, and I knew she was in trouble. We went through the entire room, and moved the junk from that area to another…. OPERATION JUNK RELOCATION?

This went on for over an hour, we even came across a basket of bills to pay, a laptop on the floor, and a Nintendo DS of one of the kids.

At this point I made a choice, I could keep randomly  moving junk, or I could speak up, and find out what was going on…. Keep in mind, as we relocated the junk, my friend’s face was sad and overwhelmed. I couldn’t stand it, I love her, and her things had taken her for ransom….

I stood up….. “STOP”

She stopped.

“We have got to make a decision here, are these things important, or is you family important?” 

“My Family of course”

“Then let us make your family important, and here is how we are going to do it….”