The Art of “Giving Up”

As of late, I have been the confidant for so many that are trying not to give up, or wondering why others are giving up on them. Whether or not we are talking about a relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend or mother and daughter, I believe that the key to having a successful relationship is the Art of Giving Up.

I have written to “I’d rather be Rich than Right” and basically stood on that soap box nonstop for years and years, today I try a different verbiage, The Art of Giving up. Giving up the need to be “right” or to “control” the situation. Our need to be right is just a byproduct of our drive to control a situation, one of which we rarely have any control over. Here is what happens, if you do not “Give Up” on some things, the person opposite you in the relationship will be forced to “Give Up” on your relationship. Really, we can only take so much as human beings before we decide that we are not able to please and inevitably we shut down.

Lets take a male/female or more importantly a sexually intimate relationship under the proverbial microscope. So often I hear “No matter what I do she/he is not happy”, “She/he is constantly bitching and moaning”, “I cannot seem to do anything right”, and eventually I hear “I give up”, this is that part in the process where no one wins. Here is what has happened, I call it crying wolf, person A is not happy with something, so every single bothersome thing has become an issue, they then feel like they need to “exercise the right” to tell the other person what is bothering them, so it is now on person B to fix it, and since there is always something that ales us, person B is exhausted. It is obvious to “us” on the outside that if person A would have just “Given Up” half or more of the little things, they might get a better reaction out of person B. Typical “Hill and Valley” theory without one there is none. If you choose to have Hill after Hill then finally, when there is a valley, or discontent, it will be taken seriously!

Mother/Father and Child. We know best as mothers/fathers, we have spent thirty years or around there figuring out the most efficient ways to do our everyday tasks, we have our ways, we know that without a sweatshirt at a Friday night football game, we will be miserable, and so will they. Our children do not know such things, and while we want to help them out, they push back. In my generation, or maybe it was just my mother’s “gig“, we were often left to our own foolish ways, she’d tell us once, but if we left without a sweatshirt, or looked stupid, she let us, and I must say, we learned quickly (it took once) to bring a sweatshirt, or to try to match our clothing because our peers ripped us to shreds, as children often do. Here is what happened, my Mom pulled the whole “Give Up” routine, by doing that she made my sisters and I ace the school of life, but more importantly we had accountability for ourselves, control of our misery, and power. Power used properly gave us self confidence, which is priceless. What she didn’t do is bitch, moan, nag, complain, and ride our behinds constantly, which is what a large portion of the parents today do. Pick your battles Moms and Dads, otherwise you are constantly losing, and guess why? You children are “Giving Up” on you, they ignore your guidance, they throw temper tantrums, and in the worst cases become depressed because they are stuck with you, and in the end, they will carry on with this behavior throughout their lives. See above Relationship problems. If you could just “Give Up” on all the small battles, the ones that don’t “hurt” them, or someone else, they may just take you seriously when you try to drive home how important safe sex is, or how dangerous getting in the car with a drunk driver is, but if you act the same over having sugar before dinner, well, you’re going to be “Given Up On”.

For some of us, it is natural to see immediately what we don’t like, I am sure this served us well as Cavemen and Cavewomen, but we are not in caves anymore, so let us take responsibility for our actions. If you can’t change by choice, use this simple equation ten positives to every one negative comment. I had to keep a tally for a little while to develop a good habit, eventually you will speak the language of Productivity and Positive Living.

Here is to Giving Up, before they are forced to!!!!

My Heart is with you on Your Journey,

Lizzy