Welcome to coffee talk! I love that we can have coffee together everyday!

Who am I?  Well, I guess that’s a good question.  I am still trying to figure that one out myself.  I guess the best I can do at this point in time is to give you a brief overview of my life up to my current age of 28.  I was born in Bloomington, Illinois to Frank and Tina Stapleton.  I was an only child until the age of three when my sister Jessica was born.  We had that love/hate relationship that all sisters have.  My parents divorced when I was five and I was introduced to a completely different lifestyle.  Mom lives here and dad lives there with his new family.  It was a little strange, but I was still too young to understand everything.  I acquired another sister, a brother and another mother.  A few years later my mother (Tina) had more children.  I then acquired another sister (Ashley) and another brother (Anthony).  Life was grand until tragedy struck when I was fourteen.  My stepmother was killed in a single motorcycle accident.  This would once again change my life as I knew it and from my standpoint, be the end of my childhood.  This would also be the last time that I would ever see her children.  So…not only did I lose a mother figure I also lost my brother and sister.  Why do we not keep in contact?  Your guess is as good as any.  But with every tragedy comes greatness.  With my father being on his own for the first time in a long time, I thought it would be best for me to move in with him.  He was my papa and I didn’t want him to be alone.  Little did I know my father was quite the lady’s man and didn’t really need my company.  Hahaha!  Jessica eventually moved in with us as well. 

About a year and half later, when I was sixteen, Patricia came into our lives.  She also brought two lovely women with her (Lizzy 18 and Katie 17).  Poor papa!!!  Five women in his home!  We all know he couldn’t have been happier though!  I was a little unsure of what to think of Patricia at first.  She was different from any woman that I had ever met.  She was/is a very strong and opinionated person.  Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I didn’t like it.  I just wasn’t used to it!  I became used to it very quickly though!  Lizzy, Katie, Jessica and I were going to have to get to know each other as “sisters”.  The word “step” is not allowed in our family.  Four teenage girls trying to get to know each other is not an easy task.  Liz and Katie were protective of Patricia and Jessica and I were protective of our papa.  We have had our rough patches, but those patches brought us closer together and we laugh about them now. 

The fall of that same year I met my husband, Justin.  We are high school sweethearts.  I actually hate that term, not sure why.  I was nervous for my father to meet him.  If you saw my father you would understand why.  His appearance is that of a tattooed, long hair, bearded biker, but he is the gentlest, kindest man you will ever meet (unless you hurt one of his daughters!).  I brought Justin home with me and he walked right up to him and shook his hand.  I could tell dad was really impressed and that was extremely important to me because I am a daddy’s girl.  If dad would have said “no I don’t like him”, I would have kicked him to the curb immediately!  So things worked out!  We stayed together all through high school and eventually it was time for me to venture off to college.  I didn’t want to go far away from home because I didn’t want to be away from Justin (he is a year younger than I) or my family.  Illinois State University became my college of choice in the fall of ’98.

College was a great experience for me.  I joined a sorority and met my best friend in the whole world (Renee).  For those of you who think you pay for your friends by joining a sorority, let me tell you….you can be in a sorority and people still not like you!  I loved my sorority experience.  Justin on the other hand was a little upset by the fact that I was hanging out with fraternity boys, but he had nothing to worry about.  None of those boys ever measured up!  A couple of years later he joined Illinois State and became one of those fraternity boys!  I miss the carefree days of college.  I still keep in contact with many of my sorority sisters and we reminisce about “the good ol’ days”. 

I graduated from college in December of 2002 and that Christmas Eve, Justin proposed.  I was ecstatic.  I had been waiting for six years to get that darn ring.  I was in bliss for a couple of months, but then became miserable because I had chosen a career that was not suited for me and was only a part of that that field for about a year.  This was the only time in my life where I actually felt like a failure.  I have vowed to never let anything affect me like that again.  I threw myself into a job and environment that I knew was not for me and I will just leave it at that.  At that point I decided to go back to school to get my paralegal degree.  During high school and college I worked for a fairly prestigious law firm in our area and chose to pursue something of that genre.  During my studies I ventured back to that same law firm and became a Litigation paralegal.  I really enjoyed going to trial.  It was very exciting and thrilling to be a part of.  I actually miss it to be quite honest. 

In June of 2005, Justin and I got married, in August we bought a house, and in January of 2006 I started a new job as an Investment paralegal for a large corporation.  I won’t disclose which one as most of you would be familiar!  I found that working for a large corporation was not my cup of tea and then in November of 2007 chose to work for a smaller company which I love!  This brings you up to date.

You see, with all of this change going on around me and constant focus on other things and people, I have not had the chance to fully discover myself and figure out who I am.  Now that I love my job, have my home, have my husband, many think that it is time for me to have a child.  I would eventually love to become a mother, but not during my discovery of self.  I encourage everyone to figure out who they truly are and to figure out what it is that they want out of life.  I have followed the “traditional” way of life.  I went to college, landed a great job, married my high school sweetheart, but I know there is more to life and I am determined to experience it.  I just hope all of you will experience it with me!

I had an AH HA moment last week and I really need to share this with everyone.  There was a commercial where a mother starts yelling at her child in a store, there are are other customers all saying that someone should do something.  A woman grabs a mirror and holds it up in front of the mom.  Wow!  I think that is the best thing ever!  Try it yourself.   In any situation use a mirror to determine your mood and how you are reacting.  Before you go into any situation, look in the mirror and remember how you look.  If your children are arguing with you and you are losing your temper, look in the mirror.   If you have to deal with a pain in the butt, or negative person, look in the mirror and put on the happiest most confident face.  What you see in the reflection will really effect your mood and how you handle your life.  The frustration and irritation will leave your mood and mind, if you look in the mirror and throw on your good face, it will really make you happy and confident.  Wow!  It gives a new definition to “what you see is what you get”. 

Now I know why Liz has soooo many mirrors in her home.  I am putting up more everyday.

Katie

Janice convinced me a few months ago to go spend 3 times more on one pair of Jeans than I had ever before….. Let me just say THANK YOU…. My derrière thanks you too.
After I bought these butt-saving Jeans, the compliments started flying my way, complete strangers would say they loved my jeans…. And the way they fit? You feel so great in these things! They just fit “right”.
I went on to shop on EBAY, because after these “wonders” came into my life, I gave away all of my other crappy jeans, so I indead needed MORE… I was able to get 3 more pairs for less than I paid for one pair. My two favorites are 7 for All Mankind and Paige.

These jeans make you “strut” not walk, much cheaper than a personal trainer!

Thanks Janice!!!!

Lizzy

…..AND BUY THE EXPENSIVE JEANS!!!! They do wonders for those with or without a fabulous rear. They will at least give the illusion that you do have one. Some of the jeans that I am referring to would be 7 for All Mankind, True Religion, Paige, Joe’s, Adriano Goldschmied and Rock & Republic. There are many more of course. They do wonders for guys as well. They all fit differently and some will look better on you than others. For example, Joe’s jeans do not look the best on me and don’t form to my particular shape. The best way to determine which ones look best on you is to try on each brand and then ask a sales associate in that area. Don’t be shy about asking “which pair makes my rump look better”! They are used to getting those kinds of questions and if they are a good sales associate they will give you an honest opinion regardless of price. (or you can just take a friend!) If you are in sticker shock you can always try them on in the store and then browse E-Bay for the pair that are most suited for you! I would rather have a single pair of expensive jeans than have a closet full of jeans that don’t fit correctly. Most inexpensive jeans give you what I like to refer to as “dumpy butt”. I’m sure you get the picture. It’s not an attractive one! You will thank me later!

Janice

I was having one of my usual days, what book is going to make me feel better, or at least “normal”, and decided to venture off to Borders! It’s one of my favorite places and I love the smell of coffee (imagine that)! I stumbled upon a book entitled 20 Something, 20 Everything, by Christine Hassler. It pretty much describes how women in their early twenties to early thirties are experiencing what is now being called a “quarterlife crisis”. Most everyone has heard of a mid-life crisis, but the quarterlife crisis happens to young women who are unsure of their goals and purpose in life. We are expected by society to be a multitude of different things and most of us have been told since we were little girls that we can be anything we want to be. It’s wonderful that women now have the opportunity to make that happen. We are expected to be mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, career wife, etc. We can have it all! That is the stressful part. Most of us don’t know who we are, what we want or how to get it. This book gives specific examples of women who are going through the same circumstances. It also asks that you participate in a few exercises (not physical ones!) to help better guide you in your time of “crisis”. If you are unsure if you are experiencing a quarterlife crisis, take this quiz that is provided in the book:

1. Do you feel a need to “have it all”?
2. Do you feel older for the first time in your life?
3. Do you feel pressure to grow up and get your adult life in order?
4. Do you often feel depressed, overwhelmed, lost, and maybe even a little hopeless?
5. Do you ever feel that time is running out when you try to figure out your career and decide whether you want to get married and/or have children?
6. Are you stressed out by choices that seemingly will affect the rest of your life?
7. Do you feel that you have failed because you don’t know what you want to do with your life?
8. Do you over analyze yourself and your decisions?
9. Do you ever feel guilty for complaining about your life when you’ve lived only about a quarter of it?
10. Are you embarrassed that you have not figured out or accomplished more?

If you answered yes to five or more, welcome to the club sister, you are experiencing a quarterlife crisis!!!

I failed this test miserably and it was nice to know that I was not alone! This book actually made me feel like I was somewhat normal and that I am not the only woman experiencing these feelings of self doubt. We don’t have to have all the answers now, or ever for that matter. I truly recommend this book to any woman who feels that it may be able to help them in some way. I got Liz to read it and hope more of you will also. (Oh…and the book also has a section on “red-flag men”!!)

Peace, Love and Happiness!

Janice

I have never found any virtue in “stay the course” and “sticking to your guns.” In today’s political climate you hear these phrases thrown around and it makes me wince. Because what they are saying is “I believe in something wrong and I am impress that they can ignore how wrong they are.” I shutter when I hear people say there is no such thing as global warming. I know back in the 80’s and early 90’s I said the same thing; such as “this could be a natural occurrence.” I said these things back then because I did not like the implications of agreeing with it. It made me uncomfortable. 15 years latter I am wiser, I realize that facts are facts, evidence can not be ignored, and just because I do not like it does not make less real. I want to live my life with as little falsehoods as possible, which means that I have to change my opinion and ideas when new things come and affect them. Faith in something, implies that you will not change your believe; and some think changing your ideas is a bad thing. I do not. It means that you can adapt to situations as they come up. It also indirectly, strengthens those things I believe, because I understand why I have come to that conclusion and I know what it would take to change them. It is work. I think Bayes theorem demonstrates how changing your decision can improve your chances of success. Unfortunately, it is human nature to not want to think. We want to collect a comfortable world view and make all your decisions based on that world view without ever questioning or changing it. To simply have the faith that you are always right.

Pete

Sorry it has talken so long for me to reply, to Kelly, the deodorizers I found were really cheap. Only a couple of bucks for 2 of them. And I have used the 3m filters for years. Because of our children having asthma, we change them every 2-3 weeks. And majority of furnaces don’t offer permanant filters that are washable. I know that we can’t use them and if you try to clean a filter then there is no way of knowing that you are really getting rid of the bacteria and germs. We only use the disposables. I apologize to all the landfills, but it keeps my girls healthy. I have more confidence in using new. And most people know that I don’t like to spend money so very rarely will I recommend a product with a high cost. Good luck

Loss of Control

Everyone asks me after they meet my mother, what was it like to grow up with her?

Well, I could tell example after example of funny situations and different ways that she handled things. She was not like most mothers, although all the same things did happen, we were fed, educated, bathed, and loved, but I look back and my mother didn’t treat us like children, she treated us like human beings, and expected us to act accordingly.

As a matter of fact, when we would start to act like idiots she would simple say, “Go to your room until you can act like a human being”.

I would go to my room, puzzled, and I would sit and think about how a human acts? Obviously, according to my mother, a human apparently doesn’t punch her sister in the face, or throw a fit, or what ever I was doing to land myself in this position. With that simple question she slowly taught me the behaviors that were acceptable in the outside world.

The one thing that I don’t remember about my childhood is my mother ever losing her composer, she never yelled, never flew off the handle, and never showed any weakness. That doesn’t mean that we never got “spanked”, she handled that more like a covert operation, you never knew when that was coming, BOOM, you were checked.

The funny thing was, when we did get spanked, she turned and went on with her day, as if nothing had ever happened, not bothered in the least. Now that I am older and we are friends, she tells me that it killed her to discipline us, but back then we never knew it, we thought perhaps she may even like it.

I hear a lot that these parents are “stressed”. I do understand that parents today, more than ever, have stresses that go beyond money, schedules, marital, and emotional problems, but let me ask, what does that have to do with your choice to bring this human to earth?

My thought here is that these parents that I sometimes see screaming at their children, losing all control, threatening, and showing the kid that they cannot control themselves must feel constant failure. A five year old or even sixteen year old can make you lose control? Where does that put the power?

How are we letting these children raise us?

Why do adult humans let young humans have the reigns?

As parents, don’t you have the responsibility of controlling the situation, or even yourselves?

Thanks Mom, for never making me feel like I was driving the bus…

These Little humans should never feel like Big humans shouldn’t have their crap together, because when they become Big humans they will feel like it is okay to not take responsibility for the bus.

Lizzy

I have done my best to keep “Politics” off letscoffeetalk.com over the last few months. The reason that I have not focused on this election on this site is because I wanted women and men of all walks of life to enjoy getting together for discussion with friends.

I need to discuss something about politics today because I feel that in my heart of hearts, this subject could be the most important subject thus far in this election, and I want to call to action my fellow females as American women, strong women, and fair women to step up and make a informed choice.

The Republican Party nominated a woman as their Vice Presidential Candidate this week named Sarah Palin. This was a decision made by the Republican Party to sway some of the “Hilary” voters to jump onboard; it was not John McCain’s first choice, but his final choice none the less.

While it is “ground breaking” to have a woman nominated into office, as well as exciting, I want us “as women” to remember what it means to be “equals”. Years ago when our mothers and grandmothers fought to be “equals” and fought for “women’s rights” they stood strong that we were just as good as any man with the same qualifications. We could essentially do anything a man could do, and they fought hard to get us where we are today. THEY FOUGHT HARD FOR US not to be set aside because we are a woman, they wanted us to be “equals”.

They did not want us to be chosen just because we are females either, they wanted “equality”.  

I beg you as American women to please not use the vote that our foremothers fought for without looking at all the facts. If you were going to vote for Hilary Clinton and are considering voting for Sarah Palin instead, here are a few differences in what they believe, if you chose to vote for Sarah Palin because you believe with her, so be it, but you must know and respect the differences.

1)      Sarah Palin is Pro-Life, or more importantly Anti-choice. Even in the event of incest or rape, she does not believe that we, as women, are the best judges for our bodies.

2)      She believes in teaching Abstinence ONLY for sex education.   

3)      Sarah Palin does not believe in equal pay for equal work for women. According to the McCain campaign she supports it, but in fact she opposes the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

4)      Sarah Palin does not believe in providing affordable healthcare to all. (Not free, but Affordable)

5)      Sarah Palin believes in the war in Iraq, although she openly admits that she has no plan for the war.

6)      Sarah Palin believes that drilling is the major “answer” to our oil crisis.

7)      Sarah Palin does NOT believe that Global warming is cause by humans.

      Sarah Palin does not support Gay Unions, although she has “friends” that are “gay”, they are “good enough” to be her friend, but not good enough for health/retiree benefits.    

9)      Sarah Palin has not protected Endangered Species, she threatened to sue the Federal Government for putting Polar Bears in the Endangered Species List warning that “it would adversely affect energy development in Alaska”. She also opposed strengthening protection on the Beluga Whales in Alaska’s Cook Inlet, where oil and gas development has been proposed, on economic grounds.

Please vote based on the Nominees Principals and Values. If you believe the same way as Palin does, by all means, but if you don’t believe the same way, vote accordingly….

Just because someone is a woman does not mean that they are like you.

I plead that you do not let our foremothers hard SERVICE go unappreciated.

Thank you to all the women that fought for equality, I will NOT let you down,

Lizzy 

This morning I awoke early, as I always do, but today, I woke to find a new day, one that looks beautiful, and although some of my loved friends still have their “problems” I will only offer solutions, and I will not take it to my heart if they are not willing to jump on the solution horse with me. I hopped  out of bed, threw some water on my face, made that key first pot of coffee, and while it was brewing I sat with myself, meditated for ten minutes, stretched for five minutes, and thought to myself, “Wealth, Health, and Abundance for all, but first, for me”.

As I was telling my number one coffeetalker about my step forward, she said a statement that made me laugh and think at the same time…

“You are not a train, You are a Car, you can turn at anytime, even all the way around, You have brakes, and gas, You must constantly be aware of when and how to use both, and if You are unsure of where to go, it’s always best to ask for directions”- Mom

She still amazes me, its funny after thirty-one years of lessons, she always gives perfect direction.

If you are not on the right track, sometimes stopping, getting an idea of where you want to go, and even asking for directions will get you to an even better place than you had anticipated, today I am in a better place than I thought I could be…. 

My Heart is with You on your Journey,

Lizzy