Today I am thankful for my nieces

I would like to say just how important these children are in my life…..

There is something to be said for the innocent intelligence that these little creatures possess. Every single time I get to be near my nieces whether it is on the phone or in person they teach me valuable lessons. Life jades us as adults and often times our knowledge of a truth somehow clogs our vision…. Clogs our ability to think beyond ourselves, these little ones aren’t handcuffed by reality, but freed by imagination and the lack of line drawn between the two.  Their failures rarely stop them from diving right back in and they take the time to celebrate each success. They accept that they are wrong, and say that they are sorry, and if you say you are sorry to them, they move on, they forget and forgive. How do we lose our way? Why do we hold onto the past? Why do we stop celebrating and start focusing on failure? How do we let reality handcuff us to a lack of imagination?

Today, my oldest niece Alex was having a bad day; her friend had stayed the night and seemed to be having a great time with her little sister….. This is NO GOOD…. She really was upset, and the more upset she got, the more she had a point to prove….  She was in a funk; her younger sister was ruining her life…. All of a sudden she found a reason to start having fun, she made a choice. Now why can’t we as adults make a choice to have fun?

She was able to distract herself, she was able to let go of the problem and move forward.

I am thankful for my Nieces today…..   

I remember playing sports as a kid and it was always much more fun when we didn’t keep score.   There weren’t a whole lot of fights or arguments, and it wasn’t until you started keeping score that the game lost is purity and lost it’s fun.  It wasn’t about the game anymore at all, it was about winning vs losing - being better and therefore good. 

-J

I fall in Love everyday.

The purpose of my life is to love. Love is a strange misused word I believe, sometimes we use it to say that we like some “thing”, occasionally we use it as in a sarcastic way of saying we “loath” something or an action of someone. Sometimes we even use it to, describe the way we have treated something or someone…..  And in some cases we make love, by giving ourselves to another in a sexual way.

Love, luv, vt (loving loved). To regard with affection, to like, to delight in. To be in love; to be tenderly attached. N. Warm affection; fond attatchment; the passion between sexes, the object beloved a word of endearment, Cupid, the god of love; the score of nothing at tennis, etc.

Out of all the definitions of love my favorite is the last, the score of nothing. I have thought a lot of love lately, I am completely in love with a man, you hear me talk of him sometimes, but the words don’t always come easily when describing him. Back to my definition, the score of nothing, now I realize we are talking about tennis, but I think tennis has something here, a lesson. When describing nothing by calling it “love”, what is love?

Love is no score, you need not keep score, and it is the lack of points. Keep with me here, I know I am rambling, but when you start measuring points in a relationship, someone starts to lose and someone starts to win. That’s when the love goes away. Which brings me to falling out of love, when the other gets points, you are on the defense, or when you get points you are now on the offense. Love is about not keeping score……

Now, I will go back to my love, over the last year and a half we have been together, we have done things for each other, neat things, and we are very excited to “take care” of each other….. We truly enjoy making each other happy…. Really trying to analyze why we are so different than other relationships I have been in, I realize that we are not keeping score, love. We are zero to zero, and we are enjoying our scoreless match.

If we never keep score, we are always in “love”…..

So bringing this into our daily lives……. When we stop keeping score of what we are doing for others, stop keeping score of what others are doing for us, stop scoring everything all together, we will be in love with the world, Right?

Here is an example, I have five sisters, from all walks of life, and at some point we have all been “broke” in one way or the other. Without hesitation we have all at one point or another made up for the others short comings. I have no idea how many shirts I have “borrowed” or how much money has been “given”, but I do know this, we have taken care of each other time and time again without keeping score, or tally, we truly love each other. Some have walked one path and others another, but there is no jealousy, no rivalry, and no competition. We are happy when one another succeeds and sad when we fail. We just love, and that is that.

Why can we not give that to the rest of the world?   

1)      Stop comparing your game to others

2)      Stop caring if someone compares their game to yours

3)      Appreciate someone who is better than you

4)      Help someone who hasn’t got the game you do

5)      Remember that we are all on the same side

6)      Score Love, by keeping no score

I fall in love Everyday, I am not keeping score with the world……..    

Today I am thankful for Divorce.

Now I realize to everyone DIVORCE is a bad word, a terrible thing to go through, and somewhat of a “Scarlet Letter” when it comes to our society. I am here to tell you, it is the wings of freedom for many who have found themselves in the purgatory of a poor decision. I admit when people used to say “these people take the easy way out” I truly thought they were right, I thought that these “divorced monsters” were not willing to “go the extra mile” they were just “fair weather married people”.

The unspoken truth by everyone that has had to tell a Judge that they just “can’t” anymore is that divorce could quite possibly be a savior for ones soul. For all of us that have lain next to the one we thought we would spend the rest of our lives with, and felt so alone, we know that it was sink or swim, and for those of you who don’t know, you just don’t.   

My love and I were both divorced before we met, and as we talked the other night about what the demise of our marriage was, I picture him in the position he was in, and I pictured what life would be like for me if I had stayed where I was, and I had an overwhelming thought…. What if you could not get divorced?

I looked at J, and thought how unhappy he would be, and thought how miserable I would be, and then I went further, and thought of every “DIVORCED” person I knew, and how crazy they would be, and then I thought…. THANK GOD FOR DIVORCE!

There is a difference between going through a rough patch in a relationship, and going through “hell”, I know that.  I am saying if your soul tells you this is “hell”, even God himself would not expect you to stick around. Divorce is a terrible thing to endure, but a lifetime of payment for a poor choice, is beyond terrible. Today I salute Divorce.

Now, run out and get a divorce, and start living your life…… Just kidding, but if you are in a position that is your “hell”, there is no reason to stay.

When I removed myself from my marriage, I realized that some things were my fault and some were his, but it wasn’t about being “right” anymore, it was about not being “wrong”, and we were “wrong”.

“We pulled into my mom’s driveway, and I looked at him for a long time, and he looked at me. I needed to say so many things but, the talking had already been done, and I didn’t have anything to give to him. Years of arguing and debating and winning and losing had taken a toll on both of us, we were done. I said “I love you, and I know that you love me, I am not the right woman for you, and you are not the right man for me, this is not working, and I cannot do it anymore” and it was done. Tears poured out of his face, as I got out of the car and he pulled away. I sat and stared for an hour before I left for Crystal Lake, I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t need anyone, I wanted to be home, and Bloomington was no longer where my home was.

So, I drove to Crystal Lake, and as I pulled into my driveway, I thought of what I had put myself through over the years, and it made me sad. I was sad for the way I had treated myself and I vowed that day to never be unhappy again, not like that at least. I told myself that I would treat myself kindly when it came to tolerating behaviors of others and never sacrifice my beliefs. I walked through my door, and everything looked different, I was thankful for my life, and where I was in it. I knew it would be difficult to divorce him, but that was just a day I had already divorced him in my mind. He wasn’t good enough for me, I knew that before all of this, I settled for him and I would never settle again.”- Liz  

What are you thankful for today, sometimes, well… always, we talk about what we could change, this page is for what we wouldn’t change….. What we love… Please let all of us know what you are thankful for too…

First, I must say, I would not change J, he is the most wonderful creature I have ever known. Thank you UNIVERSE… for him. He is the most unbelievable friend, the best. Thank you for coming to my Grandfathers funeral with me and thank you for every other day, you know just how to make me feel better. I love you and today I am most thankful for you….

Yours….. Lizzy

This reminds me of my daughters. I can not describe them as delicate creatures, but wonderful beings. Anyway, back to my story. A couple of months ago I hear a “thud” followed by a scream… 1st daughter had punched 2nd daughter square in the back. ( I still haven’t hear the truth about why) My response is to separate, check to make sure 2nd daughter is not horribly injured, and follow up with a punishment for 1st daughter… And here is the kicker. 2nd Daughter threw herself between 1st daughter and I determined that NOONE and I mean NOONE will hurt her sister, even if the spanking is a punishment for the brutal attack on her! Again. You can do anything to your sister/friend, but don’t let anyone else even look sideways at them.-Kate

This is a letter I sent to my sister……

Dear Katie,

Inspired by your Birthday tomorrow I sat down to think of the last twenty-nine years of knowing Kathryn Jill, or as I have always known you as “my baby sister”, I felt compelled to let you know just how important you have been in my everyday life.

I cannot remember the first eighteen months of my life even when I try very hard, my first memories of my existence you were part of me, and although it has been said that when you were brought into this world I wasn’t very happy about your arrival, I cannot recall those thoughts nor would I want to conceive ever thinking them. You have been a part of me since I was introduced to myself, and without you I have never known, and never will. You are me, and I am you, and that will always be; for I know nothing without you in me.

You were my first best friend, and a true best friend you have remained. Although, I have never completely rapped my mind around the concept, you taught me what I know today about sharing. As children and as adults, if you feel pain, I share your pain, as you take mine. We share secrets, successes, failures, and feelings, and in the end I know that it is you, my dearest friend, that I will, for my entire life, share my life as it has and always will be that way. 

You were my first enemy, and what a remarkable enemy you were. Through the injuries and screaming and bloodshed, it has been you that taught me to forgive, and you that humbled me first. When the wars ended and the battlefield was cleaned up, it was you that I always had on my side, and we have remained our fearless loyal soldiers standing beside each other. We have fought and won and always will fight to the death for each other. You taught me to be true.  I will remain your advocate as it has and always will be that way.

Although it seems that we have taken two different paths in life, we travel those paths together. I have never been lonely because you are always with me and I will always be with you. I have never known life without you.

Tears stream down my cheeks when I write to you because I cannot imagine myself without you. You continuously make me a better human being. I thank you for loving me all of your life, I would be lost without you, for I am not me with out you, “my baby sister”.  Happy Birthday

Forever,

 “SISSY”   

Making Friends with Emotions

When I was just eighteen, a child really, I had a tragedy, a bad one….

Thinking back, I realize that my world, or the world that I knew, my family and friends, sat holding their breath to see what I would end up like. Would I lose my mind? Would I become a nothing? Would my spirit disappear? They were all so careful with me, walking on eggshells, not to disturb what could possibly be a ticking time bomb of emotional dysfunction ready to blow at anytime.   

Now, back then keep in mind, the most beautiful part of being young is that you have no idea of what you are capable of or more importantly NOT capable of. I made friends with grief, sorrow, and confusion; they were the most honest of pals.

Grief, Sorrow, and Confusion were my best friends for about ten years. They kept me moving; actually it was closer to running all the time. I loved them, I gripped onto the three of them like a pacifier, and they were the foundation of my adulthood. Kind of like your college roommates, your first memories of being independent and free always have their faces in the stories, for me, my stories begin and end with them right by my side. They kept me real in my mind, as long as I had them to cling to, I would always be safe.

I remember on my twenty-first birthday, when my family and friends swarmed around me with joy and happiness, and I should have been partying along side of them I turned to my three amigos; Grief, Sorrow, and Confusion. They were secret friends, they weren’t public figures, but in the silent moments, they would wrap around me like vines, and I loved them. See, I could not see, that by letting them go, happiness, joy, and understanding would stand by my side. It was too scary to live with out them; I didn’t even realize how much I relied on them, until I let them go.

When I moved out of the town I had grown up in, to a town I knew no one, one husband short, in with a stranger (me) I realized pretty quickly that I had a few toxic relationships in my life. I was without the family and friends that lovingly watched and tip toed around me, I left a pretty dysfunctional marriage, and there was some seriously bad company that I was keeping within myself. Something had to change, me.

So, I got screwed when I was eighteen, life handed me a knife when I should have been handed a spoon, how long is the sentence that I will allow myself to serve for being dealt rags, when I had no idea I was playing poker?  

They had to go, I had put my time in, and I had allowed them to run my entire life secretly. I picked the man I married who was miserable, because I was miserable. I had kept my family at bay, to protect them from my friend Pain. I had thrown myself into work, into a place that had no emotion, so I did not have to face my “emotional friends” for fifteen hours a day. I had imprisoned myself for all these years.

I realized by keeping these feelings, I had not allowed myself to get past my past. I was stuck there, in the Tri-City of Grief, Sorrow, and Confusion, and the only way to get out was to break-up with my friends, send them packing, tell them something to get out of this toxic relationship, and so I said “I want a divorce from all of you”.

I had been through a real divorce, and now it was time to end it all, all the unhappiness had to pack its bags and leave me.

I laid on my couch for three days strait; crying. Letting something go no matter how unhealthy it may be is hard, but I didn’t have any idea what I would be left with when you took away the three driving forces in my life.

The phone rang, the door bell rang, emails poured in, and I never moved, I needed the world to go on without me for a little bit of time. I needed one last good bye with my friends, one last hurrah. My eyes were swollen, my teeth un-brushed, my hair was an abstract art form, but slowly I dragged my pathetic ass into the shower, I washed the years of infectious obsession out of my mind, and when I flung that shower curtain open, three new friends were waiting for me, Happiness, Joy, and Understanding.

Sometimes you just have to fire a friend, and so I did.

To my beautiful friends….. Happiness….. Joy….. Understanding…. May You NEVER LEAVE MY SIDE……