My name is Elizabeth Rae Yana. I am a thirty-two year old woman that has lived over two lifetimes of happiness and hurt, and if you ask me, life is pretty damn good. I have not always felt like this, for a long time I almost felt like there was someone specifically holding me back, until one day, I realized it was me.

Why do we make life so hard? I remember lying on the beach looking out into an ocean that looked like it was filled with every question and answer in the universe, and it hit me…. Life is Simple….  Life is not always easy, but if you step back, take a look at the forest, the tree never looks so big.

Breath poured out of me like the ocean itself was taking it with its tide. The weight of a thousand oceans left my shoulders…. Life is Simple…. So why was I making it so difficult?

After that day, Life was Simple…. I made sure it stayed that way.

I am publishing these pages of writing and “coffee-talk” with the intent of spreading peace, and to help make someone like myself, who searched and searched to find themselves, start living. I am no doctor, or even a nurse, nor would I like to be, but these methods or words have freed me more than any procedure, and I won’t send you a bill….  I also need to learn from you, your experiences are different than mine are, so I have a lot to gain from knowing you.

I was raised by my mother, a charming, and loving woman, and once a week I would sit quietly and listen to my mother and Aunt Katie have coffee, they would sit and tell each other their issues or successes, and they would “get down to brass tacks”, and that’s when they would solve these problems, and they did, if they would come across something so hard, they couldn’t find a solution, they would let each other cry, and calmly offer a lipstick, see in our family, if your lipstick’s okay, you will eventually be fine. You know, the rule is true, I have always made it, and thanks to both Mom, and Aunt Kate, my lipstick has always been monitored closely, they may have something here!

Thank you for enjoying my Simple Life with me,

Lizzy

EAT PRAY LOVE by; Elizabeth Gilbert

“Gilbert’s journey is full of mystical dreams, visions and uncanny coincidences…Yet for every ounce of self-absorption her classical New-Age journey demands, Gilbert is ready with an equal measure of intelligence, humor and self-deprecation…Gilbert’s wry, unfettered account of her extraordinary journey makes even the most cynical reader dare to dream of someday finding God deep within a meditation cave in India, or perhaps over a transcendent slice of pizza.” by Erika Schickel

I wrote this a few years ago when I decided to start treating myself kindly, and respecting the truth about me. This was part of my process of falling in love with me….

I actually may know less. In a way, being smaller minded was easier through my early twenties, now I see so many things and have heard so much that it has become so confusing. Confusing in the way that what you see isn’t what you always get, one size doesn’t always fit all, and a minute can be a really long time, so you can’t say “just a minute” you may need to say “Still a whole minute more”. A minute can be a real long time and an hour can go by like a minute depending on what you are enduring. The fact is; people lie, cheat, steal, deceive, omit truth, borrow with out asking only to never give back, liberate an item that is not theirs, and overall screw each other all of the time, and believe me you’ve done it, I’ve done it, and even your goodie two shoes Grandmother did it. You may not do it out in the open, you may be a “behind the curtain do wronger”, for instance; you can lie to your own heart, cheat yourself out of happiness, steal from your quality of life, omit telling the truth for fear of hearing it yourself, liberate a truth that doesn’t belong to you, and overall fuck yourself over. Why do we think its “right” to do it to ourselves and not to others? Yes, there are bad people that do all of these to others and they suck, why do we not hold ourselves accountable for royally robbing ourselves? Do you commit a crime when you lie, cheat, or steal from yourself? Why don’t we hold ourselves to the standard that we do criminals?

 My niece told me last week that if you make an error in judgment if you do not attempt to fix it, it’s a true mistake.

 If you do fix it, it cancels itself out, with that being said, if I stop lying, cheating, and stealing from myself will the punishment stop?

Girlfriend-Pronunciation: ‘g&r(-&)l-”frend
Function: noun

 One who acts as a tread on the bottom of your shoe when all elements point to a big slip. Also can be used for amplifying a humorous situation, positive situation, a situation that is on the fence between positive and negative, and otherwise weird situations. One who acts as a buffer to you and the rest of the world. She may also justify negative behavior based on current negative situations. She is available at anytime of the day, and puts you before anyone of the male species and prioritizes situations for you when you are unable to overcome a circumstance. Girlfriends judge each other, but will murder anyone else for judging their friends. 

Our World

Open your eyes my sweet and see the beauty of this world. The everlasting sky that sends you the warm kisses of sun. That soft grass that tickles your feet as you walk with it. The breeze that wraps it long strong arms around you. The ocean that dances and sings for you.  The rain that cries tears of joy for you. Let the birds whisper secrets into your ears. I will open my eyes and see you; the beauty of this world. I will send you warm kisses. I will wrap my arms around you. I will walk with you. I will dance and sing for you. I will cry tears of joy for you. I will whisper my secrets only to you. For; you, are to be my world.-Liz

How can we make the world a better place?

Smile

Smile A LOT…. Search for things to smile about. There are so many things here on earth to smile about. People are very funny creatures; they do funny things, even without knowing that they are doing anything. When you are looking for funny things, you have a tendency not to seek out the miserable things here on your planet, you are not miserable. If you are constantly thinking about bad things, you are acknowledging the good things, and therefore are suddenly aware of a completely different part of life. YOU ARE FUNNY, laugh hard at yourself, tell stories about to make others laugh at you. Life is too serious these days.

There have been times in my life that were shattering, and hard to understand, and overwhelming, times that my soul was shaken and I couldn’t remember how to smile. I remember after Jake died, how I felt I felt cold and dead, and dead people can’t smile, but I wasn’t dead, I was heart broken, and the more I smiled, the more I came back to life.

Bad things have happened to everyone, death, divorce, disappointment, and disgrace, the only way to beat it is to smile.

LAUGH IN THE FACE OF LIFE, AND SHE WILL LAUGH WITH YOU, NOT AT YOU ANYMORE!  

Every single person has an opinion, if you would like mine on a certain subject feel free to suggest a Topic for me to talk to…. I am a very opinionated human, I have been lucky enough to have a lot of life experiences, if you are fighting about something in your mind I may be able to help. I welcome any subject and come to you with an open mind. 

Lizzy 

Step into Action

Ask yourself- What do I want?

Write down three goals for every single room and three things you don’t want in every single room. Write them on a piece of paper, with a big marker, and tape them in a prominent place. This will be a Guideline to your success. For Instance;

Living Room

Goals

1)      Peaceful

2)      Relaxing

3)      Social

No

1)      Playroom

2)      Cafeteria

3)      Clutter

This will allow you to make UNEMOTIONAL DECISIONS…. When you put emotion into your things, you make poor choices that have no purpose. Look at this list every time you have a hard time getting rid of something, if it supports your goals for the room, keep it, if it doesn’t GET RID OF IT!

Home is where the heart is. That being said, what in your home is a suitable roommate for your heart?

1)      Bills- Who the hell keeps sending these things?

2)      Junk Mail- Key word “Junk”

3)      Keepsakes- You don’t need to “keep” them for God sakes

4)      Pictures- Picture this, no one cares to see most of your pictures

5)      Clothing- There is people out there that can’t find anything to wear- Cause there is nothing in their closet; What’s your problem?

6)      Toys- A.D.D.  …. By overload

This is a good place to start; these are a few things that people usually get overwhelmed with. Let’s start here, get this crap out of the way, and then move on. Start to LIVE….

There is a mindset change that will happen after you get these things under wraps. You are joining what I call the “Throw-Away Club”…. The “Throw away Club” simply means that you have taken your focus off of your things, and put the meaning back into your soul purpose, peace.

Bills-

I have noticed a direct reflection between someone’s Bills, and their clutter. When you are overwhelmed with your bills, you become overwhelmed with your entire life, you are emotionally stressed, and instead of taking it on like a challenge you stack them in a place, that you see everyday, and pretend that they are important. Paying your bills is important we all know that, but if you cannot pay them they seem to become peace suckers, and you have anxiety all the time….. I used to stack them on my desk (which I sat at everyday), not open them at all, and once I got so overwhelmed, I wouldn’t even pay the ones I could, it was just too much to deal with. I was putting emotion into every single envelope.

Solution

1)      Remove your name from the bills, act like they are not your bills, they are some other persons, someone you love, and you do not judge. (By removing judgment of yourself, you remove emotion)

2)      Take a yellow legal pad and write 4 different Categories on top of 4 different pages. Example; Household, Medical, Credit, and Miscellaneous (This will typically feel scary, you are about to find out where you are “bill wise”, don’t stop, the goal is to get these down on this piece of paper, stop judging yourself, remember, these are not your bills, they are someone else’s)  

3)      Open every bill and throw away the envelope they sent it to you in, write it down in the category it belongs in on the legal pad, the amount and when it “was or is” due. (This is the worst step, keep remembering these “are not your bills right now”)

4)      Rip the statement from the rest of the bill, place it in the envelope that the bill collector provides for you, and write the amount on the envelope. Make four piles (same categories as before, household, medical, credit, and misc); place the envelopes in those piles according to what they represent.

5)      Get a daily calendar, assign the bills to pay days, most important to least important, I have found it goes- Household, because you need hot water, and groceries, credit, because they are just dying to rob you with a high interest, misc, and then medical, the fact is, everyone has medical bills, pay them $20 a month, and they can’t do anything that I know about to you, like kill you or mame you, or be an ass to you over the phone)

6)      Put the stack of bills that you are paying that week in the back of the daily planner, and put the rest in a file.

7)      As bills come in, ad them to the legal pad, and then assign them a pay day. Every week pay the bills you planned to pay, and keep the rest in file ready to go.

THERE SHOULD NEVER BE BILLS OUT FOR YOU TO SEE IN YOUR HOME, these seriously like TOXIC to your peace of mind, you have a plan to pay them, stop looking at them, it doesn’t make them more or less important, and it just makes you feel like crap because you can’t pay them today.

Look under the comments- Kelly (a coffeetalker) has professional advice about medical bills

Junk Mail-

There is not much use in Junk Mail, but occasionally you will find that there is a new business out there or a great coupon, or something that you can use, this is rare, so here’s what I want you to do.

Solution

1)      Where ever you come in your home, place a garbage can somewhere easily accessible.

2)      When you get the mail, go threw it over the garbage can, throw away what ever you aren’t going to use that week (notice, I said “that week”, because if it is longer than a week, you will forget about it, and it becomes clutter)

3)      Place what ever coupons in your daily planner. Use them.

Note; I rarely keep anything like this, coupons usually encourage you to spend more on what you don’t need, if you keep it make sure it is something you will use this week)

Keep Sakes

Keepsakes never seize to amaze me, everyone’s got their grandmothers this or their kids that, and usually they are at the bottom of a box, not being shown or anything. What the hell are you keeping this stuff for?

Solution

1)      If you are not displaying it, with love and honor, you are disgracing this piece of memorabilia, if it’s not important enough to put it in a place of importance, give it away to someone that will honor it.

2)      Keep in mind, things are not people.

 An antique sugar bowl, that doesn’t match your style, that is really valuable to someone, sell it, use the money for a nice weekend away, trust me, your favorite grandma that died would rather you make a nice memory out of that sugar bowl, that have you look at and feel guilty for hating the thing.   

Pictures

Keep in mind, people are usually being nice when it comes to looking at your pictures, they normally would rather visit with you, or do something fun to make a new memory. There are pictures that are important to keep, baby’s first step, or birthday, or whatever.

Solution

1)      Place these pictures in a photo book, NOW. (I am not asking you to become a “scrap booker”, Get them in a safe dry book, and call it a day. Projects that you “plan” to do “one day” usually never happen, or if they do, it’s too late.

2)      Throw away the rest; if it is not worth putting in a book, it’s not worth keeping. You are not throwing away the person or the memory if you throw away the picture of the person or the memory.

This is a really weird category for people; they have so many emotional ties to photos. When you are  going through this part of your clutter, pretend you are someone that doesn’t know you, and is trying to decipher your life through pictures, if the picture doesn’t tell a story about you get rid of it.

Note: People hate pictures of your vacation, STOP SHOWING THEM TO EVERYONE, which has nothing to do with getting rid of them; it’s just something that bothers people in general.

Clothing

Oh…. Clothing…. This is the subject that is the WORST when it comes to “pitching”. For some reason, we have a tendency to latch onto our clothes. Whether they are too small, too big, too hot, too cold, too whatever… Here’s the deal, clothing is in one of the “key survival categories” i.e. shelter, food, clothing….. Therefore, we are nervous about getting rid of this crap….

Solution

1)      If it doesn’t fit you today, get rid of it. There is someone that needs it TODAY, that can fit into it.

2)      If you haven’t liked it for 1 month, you will never like it again. There is a less fortunate person out there that will LOVE it, give it to them.

3)      If you are overwhelmed with laundry, the more clothes you give away, the less laundry you will be able to have.

4)      If it is summer, put your winter clothes away, and vice versa…. When you take out the next season, immediately put the other season away.

Give your clothes that you are not using to people in need. I cannot plead enough to take care of your fellow man/woman; we are all on this earth together.

Toys

I AM GOING TO GET ON A SOAP BOX FOR A MINUTE… YOU READY?….. We are making our children unhappy with all of the “things” we are giving them. We are giving them 100’s of toys and expecting them to appreciate EVERYTHING…. Let me ask the question; Why are we giving so many “things” to our children, expecting them to make the decision to appreciate people, hard work, money, and somehow grasp the “good” in life, yet we distract them with “things” that have no meaning whatsoever, why?

Solution

1)      Pick out 10 favorite toys, set them aside.

2)      If your child is old enough, give them a “garden sized” bag and ask them to fill it up with toys to give to a less fortunate child.

3)      Praise your child for having a kind heart, and giving to others

4)      Make a rule, if you disrespect your toys they will be given to someone else (if the toys are on the floor, placed somewhere they don’t belong, left outside)

5)      Give the disrespected toys to someone else

6)      If your child asks where the toy is (you know you gave it away) say “I don’t know”, this will make your child look for it, and eventually they will keep a closer eye on things that they want to keep.

7)      Stop buying toys, not all together, but this should be a special occasion, not a weekly event. Make them look forward to something

      STOP THREATENING YOUR CHILD…. If you make the rule “I will be giving your toys away that you leave out”, just do it, do not threaten them over and over, you discount your word when you say you are going to do something and then don’t. JUST DO IT….

I watched a couple at a restaurant the other day tell their 3 year old five times that if she did not stop acting that way they were going to leave, she did not stop, and they did not leave…. They were lying. They had no intention of leaving; therefore she didn’t change her behavior. If once they had actually left, she probably would have been more reactive to their warning. These children are little people (treat them like it, and people don’t appreciate liars); tell them what you are going to do, then actually do it. THAT’S IT!

You have worked really hard….Now CELEBRATE by going to Good Will, or the Salvation Army….. Celebrate Giving…. Celebrate that you no longer place love on things instead of people and memories…. Celebrate Life

DECISION TIME…….. What is Important to YOU?

You have got to decide if your things are worth more than your peace of mind…

1) Why are you collecting things?

There are a few reasons you would collect crap (crap is not neccessarily unvaluable, it is stuff you don’t need), you either find it valuable, or you fear letting it go.

My friend managed to tell me EVERYTHING was important. I needed to understand this concept a little better. Why?

As we went through, when she said we had to keep it, I’d ask Why?

The reasons were simple.

1) It was expensive

2) Someone she cared about gave it to her

3) She didn’t know when, but she might need it

4) It had a sentimental value…. Reminder of a memory of an importantant person or event.

Okay, so we have the reasons we keep things, money, guilt, and fear.

1) If it is in fact valuable, why not sell it? You are wasting it’s value by not using it, or giving it to someone to use. THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH NOTHING, give it to them, not only is a tax write off, but it is a way to make yourself feel really good about “giving”. GIVE TO OTHERS.

2) People you love give you crap all the time, they think GIVING (see #1) is a good thing, and it is… These people are typically giving “things” to you because they love you. That being said, they love you, and they are not giving to you to make you feel bad, they are no giving to you to make you feel obligated, and they are not giving to you to make you feel cluttered. The people who truly give for the right reason (out of love) are not coming over to your home and taking a mental inventory, as a matter of a fact they forget about the “thing” immediately. Do you remember anything you have given to someone out of love over the years? NO! GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE…

3) Need…. Such a strange overused word. What do we actually “NEED”? There are people out there that “need” it now. GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE….

4) Sentimental Value? Things are not people, they are not places, and they are not memories… Your childrens drawings are real peices of Art, but if you have to spend time moving them all the time instead of spending time with your children, they are robbing you of your memories. When you put emotional attatchment on “things” you loose emotional attachment to people, places, and overall memories. GIVE and THROW your things away, and make time for MEMORIES…. Live

Note; There are things that are important to you, if they are not treated like they are important, then you are disgracing the “thing”…. Put this in a respectable, honorable place in your home. Celebrate it…. If you have something that you love, truly love it by displaying it in a loving way. LIVE with it…. 

That being said, ask yourself WHY?

Making a GREAT Living

When I was younger, all I wanted to do was make a GREAT living, which to me was MAKING A LOT OF MONEY, AND HAVING TONS OF STUFF. I managed by the time I was 21 to buy my own house, a few cars, new furniture, clothes, shoes, and had tons of “friends” to go out and help me spend my “GREAT LIVING”. The only real problem was, I was not happy.

I found that owning all my crap made me almost handcuffed to a lifestyle that was really overrated, now, don’t get me wrong, I like nice things, but I have found “things” just don’t make you happy, as a matter of fact, having too many “things”, reverses the effect and makes you miserable. Having the wrong people in your life has the same effect, they become anchors. I felt like all this was closing in on me, and it had to go…..

Do You OWN Your Things or Do They OWN You?

A most important question….. Who owns What? or What owns Who?

I am not asking anyone to get rid of the “dream house” or the “dream car”, I am talking about the things you acquire for no apparent reason, the stuff, the crap.

What is so IMPORTANT about your Crap?

Recently, I was invited over to a friends house to help her “organize” her home. She was beyond frustrated by the build up of things around the house. Once I got over there, I realized why she was out of her mind, there was crap everywhere. I thought to myself, this should be a piece of cake…. We will throw it all away, and be done with it… Simple Enough Right? 

Once we got started, I realized that things were not going to be as simple as I thought, as we started to pillage through all of her families crap, and I stood by with a garden sized garbage bag, we started to make a great discovery…. EVERY SINGLE THING HAD SOME SORT OF IMPORTANCE…. How could this be?

I started to get very concerned, this is one of the dearest people in my life, and I knew she was in trouble. We went through the entire room, and moved the junk from that area to another…. OPERATION JUNK RELOCATION?

This went on for over an hour, we even came across a basket of bills to pay, a laptop on the floor, and a Nintendo DS of one of the kids.

At this point I made a choice, I could keep randomly  moving junk, or I could speak up, and find out what was going on…. Keep in mind, as we relocated the junk, my friend’s face was sad and overwhelmed. I couldn’t stand it, I love her, and her things had taken her for ransom….

I stood up….. “STOP”

She stopped.

“We have got to make a decision here, are these things important, or is you family important?” 

“My Family of course”

“Then let us make your family important, and here is how we are going to do it….”

You may leave a question for Mom and Aunt Kate, I will ask their advice for you over a cup of coffee, a warning, the answers will be blunt and real, and sometimes they might hurt your feelings, but they are always right…..

“Why Men Love Bitches”, which when I first heard the title of this book, I misheard the girl and thought she said “Why Men Live Midgets”, took me a week of justifying why men would love midgets to finally learn that the title was BITCHES…. Made a lot more sense. 

The Book is good for this reason, it teaches you to honor your existance, your happiness as a “one-some” not as a “two-some”. The author made it fun and catchy by calling you a “bitch”, which was a great marketing decision to sell the book. The fact is, too many woman long for love from outside themselves, they try to make themselves anything they think they need to be to gain love from others, and in the end they have no idea why some man doesn’t love the “fake” version of them. Crazy? I don’t think so. Crazy would be if they did love the “fake” version, and then you had to pull that off for the rest of your life.

I had a girlfriend recently call me, and talk to me for an hour about all the things she had done over the last year to make her man happy, this girl literally changed her entire belief system for her new beau…

She stopped going to church, cause he didn’t care to go, and Sundays were one of the only days she got to see this “Prince” she called a boyfriend. She stopped going dancing, because he was no Fred Astaire. She would call him and leave irate messages on his voicemail, normally she was very mild tempered. She explained every little manipulative thing she had tried. (Which by the way, would have scared me to death if I didn’t already know she was not in the movie fatal attraction)

After the conversation had gone on for atleast an hour I stopped her and asked; “Why are you allowing yourself to act like a manipulative, uncaring, crazy person?” She was shocked, and silent, and hurried off the phone. I didn’t hear from her for about two weeks, and I knew I may have over stepped my bounds as a not-so-close friend. When she finally called me back, she thanked me for not blaming her so called “Prince”, and holding her accountable for her own actions.

That’s what the books about, being held accountable for your own actions. The book is rather manipulative with rules like - Don’t bang a guy soon after you meet him, or he will not respect you, or keep trying hard to impress you. Most of us have made the mistake of sleeping with someone at the wrong time, but for me this rule isn’t to make the guy love me or not, it is whether I am ready to give that part of myself to him or not. You can get a lot of great “behaviors” from this book, and fake respecting yourself instead of faking things you think will make him fall in love with you, I guess thats healthier, eventually you might want to think about falling in love with yourself, try writing your own book “Why I Love myself”. Whether or not you are a “Bitch” or a “Midget” is really irrelevant.